Life in the New Republic

Home again.....?

2009-05-09T11:03:00.002-04:00

Yes, we've been home for a little over a week! The transition has been complicated by all of us catching an annoying cold (even Charlie, who usually doesn't succumb). I started out with it a week ago, & it's definitely prolonged my usual post-travel, um, dislocation in place & time (that's the only way I can describe it). Brendan was coughing & blowing his nose by Wednesday night (& was up a considerable amount of it) so I kept him home from school Thursday. This certainly didn't help his transition back to normal life. Charlie came home from work Thursday & pulled a box of zinc lozenges out of his bag (purchased on a quick trip between seeing patients), & although he says he's not sure they've worked very well for him, I don't think he had nearly the difficulty sleeping (or breathing while sleeping) that Brendan & I have had, so I think they did work :)

In spite of the mini-epidemic, we have definitely been busy. Brendan- fanfare please- had his braces removed on Monday!!! After 2 years of gum & anything chewylessness, he's a free man (except for retainer, which he's finding a piece of cake). The expected orgy of gum-chewing lasted only about an hour or so, which only goes to show how much of it is habit, I guess. He's also seen nearly al of his regular doctors this past week (whew!) & been trying to adjust back to school. He's got just one week more, then he & Charlie leave on his 5-day class trip to Washington DC. Talk about adventure after adventure...

In between playing "mom's taxi service" I've been napping (thanks to the cold) & wondering what's next. I have been distributing the omiyage, too, & managed to print up some photos to show folks who ask about the trip. (It's made me realise that pictures don't really convey what was the best part of this trip, though, which was the interactions with so many people.) Giving our little presents to folks has been a lot of fun :) Some people are surprised that we were thinking of them while we were away, but I think it's pretty natural to think of home while you're away. It's the comparison between home & away that lets you know you're somewhere else, after all. And though Charlie's very relieved to be where people speak the same language as he does :) I am missing the daily challenge of thinking the way the folks in Japan do :) My first at-home purchase was the Japanese anime series "Aria", which I'd been watching online & absolutely adore. It's a science fiction show, really, since it's about Mars having been terra-formed & made habitable for humans (& very intelligent cats :), but the story is all about gondoliers in Neo-Venezia (on Mars, which is now called "Aqua"), complete with canals & San Marco Square. Since it arrived, Charlie, Brendan & I have been watching one or two episodes after dinner & they are really enjoying it, too. It's quiet, lovely, gentle, & yet the feelings are real & it's a lot of fun too.

One of the great things (I think ) about traveling is that you never completely come home (I also think). Being away took us out of our daily routines & now that we're back, it's impossible to sink back into them without thinking about them. It's really helped me think about how Brendan & I relate- a very timely subject as he teeters on the edge of teen-ager-ness. I've noticed patterns in my behaviour- for example, he tics loudly & I knee-jerk yell at him- & I understand better where these patterns & reactions come from. I've been explaining to Brendan that I'm becoming more aware of my own sensory difficulties, & I've come to understand that his loud tics disturb me because I'm sensitive to loud noises. Now we both understand what's happening, & my hope is that we can work on facing our issues side-by-side, rather than angrily facing-off.

Also, seeing Brendan interact with the big-wide world has helped me see some of the ways that I'm, perhaps, holding him back. It's a delicate thing- there are concepts, ideas, images, & very concrete things that interact with his OCD & autism, resulting in an overwhelmed, extremely distressed person. So how do we protect him from what he can't handle (yet- we see growth in these areas all the time) while not cocooning him from the world? A good example is some anime & manga which have content that would give him nightmares- but that all the other guys are talking about. I don't want him to be perceived as a baby to his peers, but I also want him to be able to sleep at night. I had an epiphany yesterday, after an animated discussion with one of his classmates about the anime "Bleach" (which I adore- although I prefer the manga- & have watched with Charlie). Brendan witnessed the conversation & as I was leaving school I felt unhappy & uncomfortable about how much fun I had talking about Bleach, but Brendan couldn't join in. The thing is, there are some very disturbing things in some of the first few episodes (3-5, to be specific) & Charlie had agreed with me that Brendan shouldn't see them. As I thought about it, though, I realised that we could skip these episodes pretty easily, since they are stand-alone episodes. I remembered that I used to do the same thing with "Inuyasha"- pre-watch & then share the episodes without anything disturbing in them, & he was just fine with that. So that's what I proposed to Brendan after school yesterday (which turned out to be a very difficult day for him, so it was great to be able to give him something to look forward to :). He was really delighted, & it was a lot of fun to watch the first 2 episodes with him. Plus, as we always watch the japanese soundtrack with english subtitles, it really enhances our japanese language learning :) (same goes for Aria- the dvds were released without any distracting dubs, which we really love).

So, we are home... but Japan is a very real presence in us. The best reason, yet, to travel :)

Japan 2009- Tuesday, April 28

2009-04-29T01:40:00.000-04:00

When we decided to take a couple days in San Francisco to recuperate on our way back to the east coast of the US, I was worried that I might feel bad about not being HOME YET after all of our travels. As it turns out, it really was a good decision. Not only didn’t we go through customs after being up more than 24 hours, as happened last time (aka: hell), but it all still feels vacationy, in a woozy sort of way.

After worrying about sleeping last night, & waking up at 4:45 am... I fell right back to sleep & slept until 10:00, & Brendan did, too :) Charlie had to get us up so we wouldn’t miss our one day in SF! So after barely making it down to the restaurant while they still served breakfast, we called a taxi & headed into town. Our plan was to visit the Zeum, a wonderful interactive kids’ museum near the Moscone Center that we spent some days at when we were in SF 4 years ago. The taxi driver turned out to be a non-US medical school grad, driving a taxi until he can get into residency here, so he & Charlie discussed programmes on the way in. He dropped us off near the SF Museum of Modern Art- which turned out to be a good thing, because when we got to the Zeum it was closed :( We decided to go back to the art museum & see that instead.

Brendan was really disappointed about the Zeum, so it took him a while to process. I was feeling very woozy from jet lag & was happy to sit with him for a while. He & I ended up in the cafe with delicious soy lattes while Charlie checked things out for us. By the time he came back, we felt much better & were ready to see some neat stuff- including an installation of plastic poodles spray-painted black, in concentric rings around a plastic baby. Whoa, but fun.

We were ready to go back to the hotel afterwards, not feeling hungry enough to find somewhere to eat, so we called our taxi-driver for the ride back to the hotel. Charlie & Brendan went for a swim (after Brendan had a computer session) & I put yesterday’s blog post up. Then we caught a trolley bus that circulates through the hotels & into downtown Burlingame (& is free) to go find dinner. We did end up having Japanese :), which was nostalgic & yummy. We stopped by a candy store that happened to be featuring: Japanese erasers in cute shapes (some of which I have at home, because they really are cute :). We stocked up on sweets for the plane instead, & headed for the trolley stop for the ride back.

Now, I am the only one up, but not for long. We have to be up at 5:00-ish to catch our plane back home. To be honest, after the hop across the Pacific to & from Japan, the flight from SF doesn’t seem so daunting any more :) We’ve had a great trip, but it’s time to go home!

Japan 2009: Monday April 27th

2009-04-28T19:48:00.000-04:00

I’m writing this from Japan- we’re hanging around waiting for a taxi to take us to Nishi-Nippori station to catch the Keisei Line train to Narita Airport. This station is exactly where we arrived in Tokyo, so it’ll feel like we’ve come full-circle. Charlie was able to change traveler’s cheques this morning when the banks opened, so we have taxi & train fare :) Brendan & I watched some more NHK tv shows- including a full episode of Pythagoras Switch, which was a real treat. Now they’re working on Brendan’s research- looking at the ways you can distinguish Shinto Shrines from Buddhist Temples. It’s pretty cool. We’re hoping to reach the station to catch the 12:05 train to Narita, so we’ll have time for lunch & some looking around. We’ll take a little walk here in Nakano, too, before we go, to stretch our legs & take a last look around.

Later:
Well- there’s something about leaving someplace on an airplane & arriving at your destination a few hours before you left that can only be described as surreal. But that’s just what happened to us today. We are, happily, back in the US & checked-into our hotel in San Francisco for a couple days, to recover from the jet lag. (Last trip to Japan we tried to makeit home all at once & nearly died halfway from time-compression exhaustion). Everything went just fine, but we’re feeling extremely dragged-out right now, & not sure whether it’s better to stay up as long as possible (we’ve been up for ~23 hours right now, although Brendan managed to sleep for a few hours on the plane) or just give in & go to bed...

...and after a 2 1/2 hours nap, we were ready to get up & find some non-hotel-food dinner. We checked some tourist books in the room & settled on an Italian restaurant in Burlingame, where our hotel is. We got a reservation & a taxi & found it to be a nice place with yummy food. Brendan, who doesn’t like tomato sauce (unless it’s on top of a pizza :) got pasta with just basil, garlic, & fresh tomatoes on top & really liked it. On our way out, we noticed a Japanese resaurant across the street, which is where we may end up tomorrow night, for nostalgia’s sake :)

Now, off to bed- hope our bodies can relax & SLEEP!!!

Japan 2009: Sunday, April 26th

2009-04-27T16:47:00.005-04:00

Brendan & I were sure to be up early today, since our favourite tokusatsu shows were on, but we weren’t sure exactly when, so we turned on the tv at 7:00 am. Our first show- Samurai Sentai Shinkenger- was on at 7:30 & it was a lot of fun to see in real time, on a big tv (at home we usually watch it on a laptop). Kamen Rider Decade was on right after. Luckily, we had only missed one episode of each, so we were able to keep up with the story. It was a lot of fun to watch our shows together in Japan :)

The day was sunny & looked to be a lovely day for a day on the town. I did some last-minute washing & was able to move all the partly-dry clothes from the living room onto the breezeway, too, so that we won’t have trouble packing them for the trip back to the US. Charlie & Brendan did some work on Brendan’s school project, researching Shinto & Buddhism- although we have no internet access they’ve been working from books we brought with us. We left for the train station at 10:15, with the goal of meeting Marion at the Tokyo Edo Museum at 11:00. We got a bit turned around & missed one train as we got to the platform, but we were only 5 minutes late getting there, after one transfer. The museum is a very impressive building, built to look like a traditional Edo home built on stilts, but it’s huge & made of concrete & steel. It’s right next to the main Sumo wrestling venue in Tokyo, so we were on the lookout for Osumo-san as well :)

Marion was waiting for us & it was lovely to see her again- last time we saw her was about a year & a half ago when she visited her family in the US (her father is our next-door neighbour). We took what seemed like an endless escalator to get into the museum (you start your visit on the 6th floor) & the first exhibit is entered by crossing a replica of an Edo-era bridge into the city. There was a koto concert played by a woman in kimono going on while we looked at exhibits showing what homes looked like right before Japan was opened to the rest of the world. There was a palanquin you could sit in for a picture (I barely was able to climb in & out of it :).

As you moved through the museum you moved forward in history as well, post-WWII times. It was pretty neat, & Brendan was particularly interested, since they’ve been studying WWII in social studies.

We found a lovely restaurant right in the museum to have lunch, & they were even able to give Brendan just rice & miso soup for lunch- was he ever happy! Charlie had oyako-don (rice with chicken & egg on top) & Marian & I had tenpura, which was served with rice, soup, 2 kinds of veggies, & pickles.
Absolutely yummy! There was a gorgeous view of Tokyo from the restaurant, too, & we were told that on a really clear day you can see Fuji-san from there.

Over lunch we were talking about other things to do in Tokyo & Marian told us about a toy store called Kiddie Land in Harajuku. Brendan was very excited by the prospect of finding more kamen Rider stuff, so we decided to have a real adventure & head on over together. On the way to the station we passed a poplular restaurant & saw two Osumo-san, wearing yukata, geta, & their particular topknotted hairstyle, waiting in line. So we had our sumo-sighting :)

Harajuku is the part of Tokyo where “youth culture” is particularly celebrated- there are cosplayers in the streets & parks & loads of shops that cater to youth culture. What we didn’t anticipate was that most of Tokyo was enjoying a beautiful day in Harajuku as well... it was absolutely packed with people.

The station at harajuku is really quaint, in a european sort of way- it looks like something out of a Miyazaki movie. There was a large (but narrow) pedestrian bridge over the main intersection where people were lined up for a few meters just waiting to climb the stairs. We walked past a park with some cosplayers, & a group of people with signs that read “free hugs” who were getting giving hugs- it was very cute & cheerful.

We made it over the bridge & walked 2 blocks to Kiddie Land, through some amazing crowds.

Kiddie Land was pretty packed, too, but Brendan found his Kamen Rider stuff & was very happy. I found some more mugen pucchi-pucchi (endless bubblewrap gadgets- Brendan was lost at some point on this trip so I wanted to replace it) so I was happy, too :) The walk back to the station was, if possible, even more overwhelming. Brendan was having an awful time with the crowds, & it was only the prospect of getting to look at his new stuff that helped him keep it together. We finally all got to the platform & onto the train. We were making just a one station hop, while Marian was staying onthe train to transfer at Shinjuku Station, so we made our goodbyes on the crowded train & escaped. I was very impressed by how well Brendan kept it together in the terrible crowds- he was in a lot of distress & it was obvious to us, but he didn’t lose his composure. Pretty impressive. Our train home was much less populated, thank goodness, & Brendan got to take out one of his transforming riders & mess around with it until it was time to get off & walk home. We stopped for dinner food, then were relieved to get home for quiet & rest after our mega-busy day.

Japan 2009: Saturday, April 25th- a rainy day in Tokyo

2009-04-27T16:44:00.002-04:00

And did it ever rain... We weren’t sure how soon the weather would clear, so I decided to do laundry today & give it 2 days to dry inside the apartment. There is quite the contraption the unfolds for hanging the laundry, but it fit the space pretty well & handled all but the pants, which I hung outside on the breezeway in spite of the rain.

After laundry & breakfast we packed up, grabbed the umbrellas kindly provided by the apartment, & went out looking for a place to cash traveler’s cheques, & an internet cafe. Traveler’s tip- even though there is no “Sunday” in the sense that we think of it in the US (church day, government offices closed, etc.), Japan definitely closes-down on the weekends, so we had no luck with the travelers cheques :) We found an indoor mall near the train station & asked at an info desk about an internet cafe, which we found after slogging back out into the rain, down narrow, abandoned-looking streets. Unfortunately, it didn’t have any sort of wireless connexion, you had to buy time on their computers. Since we weren’t interested in that, we went back to the mall to do some looking around.

Charlie found a phone & so we called another friend living in Tokyo that we’d been trying to contact. Yay, Marian was home! We asked if she was busy tomorrow & she was free to get together, so we arranged to meet her at the Tokyo Edo Museum in the morning. I also asked her about the internet cafe thing, & she said that the wireless thing was not as common as in the US, & that our best bet would be a Starbucks, maybe. So, we asked at an info kiosk where the nearest Starbucks was, & actually found it. It was lovely to take a break & have warm beverages on a rainy day, but they didn’t have wireless internet either, so we had to make do with our drinks. On the way home we found a bookstore, where i found some of the mange I’d been hoping to buy here in Japan & Brendan found another Kamen Rider book. Then we trudged home, stopping at the conbini for lunch & dinner food on the way.

During our rainly afternoon Charlie made a trip back to our Ryokan in Ueno, as we had inadvertanly taken our room key with us when we’d left. He was gone about an hour & a half, so Brendan & I played games & then popped the Weird Al Yankovic movie “UHF” into the laptop & settled in for some fun. Charlie came home during the movie. After watching the dvd extras Brendan decided to watch it again with the commentary, which was definitely worth it. Then it was time to cook dinner, & after dinner, watch more silly game shows.

Tomorrow should be a lot more fun- meeting Marian at the Tokyo Edo Museum!

Japan 2009: Thursday & Friday, April 23 & 24

2009-04-27T16:34:00.003-04:00

We had arranged for a taxi to pick us up to go to Kyoto Station at 11:00 am, so we made sure we were packed & ready to go early. It was not easy to get everything efficiently in our bags, & we were really glad for our rolling luggage... There was time before leaving to take one last walk around the block, so we did. Charlie & Brendan showed me the temple with the dekkai (huge) bell that they’d visited a couple of days ago- it was really impressive, with the striker as big as a telephone pole.

Our taxi arrived & we made it to the station with no difficulties. There was a waiting room near our platform, so I left Charlie & Brendan there & went in search of eikiben (lunch). It really was a search, too, since there were at least 5 different places selling all sorts of bentou. After making my difficult choice, I went back & waited just about 10 more minutes with the guys until it was time to haul our luggage up the escalator (no small thing) to the platform. I got a picture of the shinkansen pulling in :) -it’s a pretty impressive sight no matter how many times you ride it.

Our 3-hour train ride was pretty uneventful. We had been instructed to call a person from the rental company from Kyoto & also from Tokyo station when we arrived, because they were going to meet us at the Nakano station & take us to the apartment there. We got a bit turned around when it came to finding the platform for the trip to Nakano Station, but a very nice gentleman standing nearby made sure we got on going in the right direction. We were pretty tried by this time, so it was a great relief to find the trip to meet Makoto-san at the station only took 15 minutes. He kindly took over rolling one of our bags, so Brendan found hiimself free of encumbrances at last. The streets in Nakano were just as narrow & twisty as our Ueno neighbourhood, but the area is much newer. Our apartment is over a 7-11 :) with a master bedroom & tatami room with futon for Brendan. The kitchen/dining/living room area is cosy, but comfortable. There’s a small ofuro, but it works :) The biggest disappointment is that the internet connection advertised doesn’t actually work :(. However, the tv does so we’ve been getting our NHK (Japanese equvalent to PBS) fix instead.

Charlie & I headed out to shop for dinner & breakfast (there are loads of conbini & even a fresh veggie market nearby), then hurried home to cook, since we were fading fast. Brendan tried the ofuro after dinner & we wound down to sleep after a long day of trains & stations.

Friday morning Brendan slept longer than Charlie & I did- amazing :) We had a nice breakfast of toast, tea, apple, & a sweet roll. This was the only non-travel day so far that we had to be somewhere on time, so we watched our NHK shows & the clock until it was time to take the train to Kichijoji Station to meet Shizuka & Jon.

We got there a bit early, but there was a lovely panya (bakery) right outside the station, so we stopped in & had second breakfast, just like the hobbits :) Brendan found some fried potato cakes that he really liked, so we decided to come back before taking the train home to get take-out. We found Shizuka & Jon just about the time we’d hope to meet them, then we all headed out for a ~2 km walk to the Ghibli Museum in Mitaka. It was so wonderful to see their familiar faces! The walk to the museum was through a lovely park, like something out of a Miyazaki movie, & we had a great time catching up while we walked. I think Brendan was the most relaxed I’d seen him on the trip so far :)

The museum was as amazing as we’d heard. All of the buildings are in the old-fashioned style of a Ghibli movie & gorgeously decorated, from the stained glass in all the windows (featuring characters from the movies) to the gardens all over (& on the roof, with a large robot from Laputa as the centrepiece),
& even to the bathrooms, which were quaintly gorgeous. The exhibits featured different kinds of animation, with some hands-on stuff, & also a replica of Hayao Miyazaki’s studio & study. There was even a 20-minute original film (the ticket for the film contains a couple of cels from one of Miyazaki’s films & it was fun figuring out which ones we had) featuring characters from “My Neighbour Totoro” & was really cute.

After the museum we walked back toward Kichijoji to eat lunch at a restaurant run by a friend of Shizuka & Jon’s, who had also been an exchange student to the US. We were to meet another friend of theirs, Kae-san, who would be spending the afternoon with us. The restaurant featured fresh, mostly veggie, Japanese food, & an interesting assortment of teas. The meals came on wooden trays with a multitude of bowls large & small, & included rice, soup, & pickles along with the main course. Mine was an assortment of dishes, including manju made with cabbage (very soft & mochi-like), sashimi, fresh veggies lightly seasoned, & duck- which I gave to Shizuka :)
Brendan had steamed vegetables & tofu, & Charlie’s was an interesting-looking pork dish (which turned out to be cold). It was all delicious. Dessert was mango sorbet with two, small, exquisitely sweet tomatoes with a tart/sweet sauce on the side, & it was also absolutely delicious. In the middle of lunch another friend of Shizuka & Jon’s from exchange student days, Mami-san, arrived unexpectedly (being also a friend of the restaurant manager’s) & joined in the fun. We had a wonderful time talking & laughing together.

After lunch we all walked over to Yuzawaya, which is a many-floored store selling craft supplies, among other things (including clothes). Shizuka had printed a multi-page advertisement from Yuzawaya from the internet for me a few months ago so I could see what they sell, & I’d been really looking forward to going there ever since! By the time we got there, though, I found that I really had to focus on looking at one or two kinds of things because I was just so exhausted from all the travel (I’ve been finding it a bit hard to think clearly from mid-afternoon on lately, all from being so tired). So I decided to look at the knitting & crochet books (I wanted to find a crochet book for our friend Momoko-san, back at home) & also the fabrics, since I’d seen in the advert they have character fabric from popular tv shows. I’ve been wanting to re-cover Brendan quilt for a while (it’s one I made right after Charlie & I were married & it’s looking really shabby these days...) & I knew he would love it if I used some special fabric from our trip.

The knitting & sewing department took up one whole floor (or so I thought...) & I found a nice crochet book pretty quickly, but didn’t have much luck finding the fabric (although I found a couple small pieces of chirimen fabric for me). We had split up our group & decided to meet every so often, so that’s all I accomplished before our first meeting time. Brendan was happy to have found another Kamen Rider book, so we asked him to look for some small gifts for his friends next, & I looked at bentou boxes on my way back to the knitting department to meet Shizuka & Kae-san. Kae-san decided to go with me to try & find the fabrics, & when we went to the next floor, there it was! There was another whole floor of fabrics, it turned out. We found two different Kamen Rider fabrics & I bought a meter of each. Then we met up with everyone & went downstairs to the bookstore to look around.

Shizuka, Jon & friends walked us back to the train station before saying goodbye. We’d had such fun spending time with them- I think it was the most relaxed I’d felt all this trip & Brendan had obviously had a wonderful time, too. We stopped at the panya for take-home yummies, then found our train & headed back to our apartment in Nakano. We stopped at a conbini for more dinner food, then trudged home, tired, but definitely happy :) When I unwrapped the fabric I’d bought, Brendan was delighted! He spent a lot of time looking at the fabrics & chatting about them :) I was less than delighted to discover that the omiyage I’d packed this morning to give our friends was still in my bag :( I’ll have to get Kae-san’s address & send it to her when I get home! (I can give Shizuka & Jon’s to them when I see them...)

We had a relaxed evening eating dinner & watching goofy Japanese game shows on tv (Brendan loves the “batsu-gamu” part- the penalty when the contestants, usually comedians, get things wrong- they’re really goofy). Tomorrow, we go in search of an internet cafe so I can post this :)

Japan 2009: Wednesday, April 22nd

2009-04-22T07:08:00.002-04:00

Today was our last full day in Kyoto, so it began (rather early) with my doing laundry, of course :) By the time we got our acts together & got out of the house it was after 10:00 am. We were headed back to the Kiyomizudera & surrounding shops, to do a bit more omiyage shopping before leaving Kyoto.

I’ve been thinking about how different so many of our experiences have been this trip to Japan, compared to the first, & it’s mostly due to our speaking & understanding more Japanese... Last time we were here I was intimidated by not being able to read signs or ask about the things I was seeing. I didn’t do much shopping, really, because I couldn’t find the things I really wanted to buy. This time, when I leave our machiya, I don’t feel nearly so much in a cocoon. I can puzzle out so many more of the signs, recognise what the shops are selling, can ask for specific items I’m looking for. I’ve lost track of the times people have asked us if we live in Japan. And really, although we’ve been studying Japanese for nearly 4 years, there is so much more to be learned. I’ve definitely run into my limits, language-wise, more than once (sometimes because I’m just too tired to find the words in my brain) but I have enough peripheral words that I can get by. It’s so much more fun to be here now- as I expected. And we are definitely shopping more- I feel as though we’re bringing back gifts for half our city :)

If we thought that going to the temple on a weekday would make it any less busy, we were mistaken... holy moly, I think there were more people today than last Saturday. We did visit the temple briefly (I took the video of Brendan doing the water purification before entering the temple for his school project) & bought our last omamori there, then decided it was too crowded & headed out. After shopping a bit, we found a lovely sweets shop with a cafe upstairs (blessedly quiet compared to the street level teeming with omiyage-seeking schoolkids). Charlie decided to have oyakudon (rice bowl with chicken & egg), while Brendan & I went the sweets route. My wagashi (traditional sweets served with matcha tea) were fabulous. We got a small box of one type to take to Tokyo with us, they were so good. As we walked farther & farther down the hill toward home the crowds thinned out until we could navigate without fear of being trampled. Brendan & I find crowds particularly stressful, so we were very ready for home & a rest.

I rested for about 45 minutes & then decided to do our dinner grocery shopping. I will really miss this neighbourhood. It’s become very familiar & comfortable while we’ve been here. When I arrived back from shopping a neighbour was leaving her machiya &, in response to my “konnichiwa” (hello) she replied “okaerinasai” (welcome home), which gave me a lovely feeling that I really was home :)

We spent the rest of the day resting, working on Brendan’s blog & school project, & occasionally catching funky anime on tv. We had a “clean the fridge” dinner & then Brendan & I caught an episode of “Detective Conan”, which is a venerable & still very popular anime here. Now Brendan is getting ready for the ofuro (Charlie used it this afternoon), perhaps the time last this trip, since the apartment in Tokyo that we’ll be staying in next may not have the big tub we’ve grown so fond of :) I keep thinking it’s a good thing we’re looking forward to seeing Shizuka & Jon (our Japanese teacher & her husband, who are also on a visit to Japan) in Tokyo on Friday, otherwise I’d be having even more trouble with the idea of leaving Kyoto. Tomorrow- the shinkansen to Tokyo!

Japan 2009: Tuesday, April 21st

2009-04-21T09:37:00.006-04:00

As predicted, it was rainy today- it rained so hard last night that we thought we were going to blow away! (There’s an upstairs porch right outside our bedroom, so outside is practically inside...) We decided to take the train into Kyoto Station & do some shopping, since walking around outside was not an option. The station is fairly new & has various malls & stores scattered around inside (like some of the larger airports in the US), including the department store Isetan, which we were told had a toy department. Brendan has had his heart set on buying the Kamen Rider Decade belt since we began watching this year’s installment of Kamen Rider (fansubbed on the internet). Last time we were here he bought that year’s Rider belt (Kamen Rider Den-O, one of the most popular Kamen Rider shows in years) & that was one of the high points of the trip for him :) These belts just don’t sit there & look pretty... they are full of bells & whistles, too. This year’s model allows you to install one of 12 cards, each of which causes a different set of sound effects (corresponding to each of the Kamen Rider series of the past 10 years, plus a couple of others). It’s pretty mind-boggling, but very “kakko-ii” (cool).
After finding the belt (& a few other very cute things- like onigiri cases with Snoopy on them :) we perused the many restaurants (in the “eat paradise” section of the store) & settled on an italian place for lunch. Italian food Japanese-style was very interesting- Brendan’s pizza’s crust was almost like matzoh, Charlie’s lasagna was chock full of Japanese eggplant (which is smaller & more tender than the one’s we ususally find at home) & my pasta was more al dente than I’m used to, but it all tasted very good. Our cokes were served with a slice of lemon in the glass, which tasted really good, too. After conversing with Brendan for a bit (in Japanese), our waitress asked me if we lived in Japan, & when I told her we were just visiting she was amazed (go Brendan! :).

After lunch we found the stationery department & I had a great time looking at the “shi-ru”... what stickers are known as in Japanese. I am a great fan of Japanese stickers. They are much more substantial than what we have in the US & stick to practically anything, which means you can even decorate your cellphone & other 3-D items with them. (I put some really cute shi-ru in our new Prius, around the video panel, because they cheer me up :) I bought some to bring home as gifts, along with some really beautiful origami paper. Our last stop at Isetan was the fresh grocery in the basement, where we found obentou ready-made to take home for dinner. We also found some corrokke (potato croquets), which is Brendan’s favourite Japanese food that I make at home. Then we wended our way back to our train platform, by way of “Mr. Donut” (Charlie has been wanting to try a “Meestah Dohnatsu” so he finally got the chance :), & found the train waiting. Brendan & I were exhausted, so we walked home together (in the drizzling rain) while Charlie stopped by the store for some breakfast food (taking our umbrella with him- sigh). Our afternoon was spent resting- after Brendan assembled his belt & installed the batteries, of course. We refilled the ofuro & took turns showering & soaking, then had yummy obentou & corrokke for dinner. Tomorrow is our last day in Kyoto :( We’ve decided to head back in the direction of our first day’s adventure, the Kiyomizodera, to look around some more & maybe find another yummy sweets shop.

Japan 2009: Monday, April 20

2009-04-20T06:12:00.004-04:00

Charlie started his day with an early-morning walk back to the Kiyomizudera, to see more of the temple buildings & visit a sacred waterfall that he’d read about in our guidebook. He came back with a bottle full of water from the falls, which is considered to have healing properties (he was a bit shy about collecting some of the water until he saw someone filling bottle after bottle from the falls, so he figured it would be ok :). We shared some of the water at breakfast- with all of the walking lately, my body can use all the help it can get!

After breakfast we hopped on the train for Uji. The weather was cloudy, but warm, with no rain expected until the afternoon. We transferred trains once & arrived in Uji within half an hour. The first time we were in Uji, nearly 2 years ago, we took a cab to the Ujigami Shrine & then walked to the Byoudoin Temple, stopping at a sweet shop on the way for anmitsu- a combination of odango (a mochi sweet), ice cream, fruit, and anko- red bean paste. This time we decided to start at the Byoudoin & work backward to the Ujigami Shrine. The place where you could arrange to participate in a tea ceremony was near the Byoudoin, so we found a cab at the station (it wasn’t a terribly long distance, but we like to save our energy- neither Brendan nor I have much endurance for long walks) & the driver, whom we got chatting to about Uji, actually got out of the cab & walked us down the path to the visitor’s centre.

When we got there, we discovered that the next seating for tea was full, so we decided that we’d come back later if we had the energy. We had visited the Byoudoin last time we were in Uji, so we decided to concentrate on omiyage shopping & figuring out where we wanted to eat lunch. The shops along the road leading to the temple sell mostly green tea & items made from tea, such as odango, candy, & senbei (rice-based crackers). I recognised some of the shops from our last visit, including one where I’d had my first experience really trying to communicate with people in Japanese (& not doing very well). This time was different. I could ask questions about the teas, how long the sweets would last, respond to questions about where I live, how old Brendan is (many wanted to know if he was on school break, which he is). It definitely felt like a pilgrimage, coming back & actually chatting with the people I’d wanted so badly to speak to last time...

We stopped at the same sweets shop as our last visit- right across the bridge & down the road from the Ujigami. The anmitsu & odango was as lovely as we remembered. I did some shopping for gifts at their shop as well :) Then, reinforced with yummy food, we made our way back to the Ujigami Shrine. Both Ujigami & Byoudoin are the oldest shrines in Japan, being nearly 2000 years old. They are far enough outside Kyoto to have escaped the many fires that have leveled Kyoto over the centuries. Charlie has a special affinity for the Ujigami because it’s dedicated to the moon, & rabbits (the Japanese see a rabbit making mochi on the moon, rather than a man in the moon :), & Charlie’s birth year according to the Chinese zodiac is the year of the rabbit. So he wanted to buy a lot of omamori there for friends at home. Then we crossed back across the Uji river on a smaller, very historic old bridge to head back to the train station, having exhausted ourselves with all the walking around.

Out train trip home was more eventful than we ever could have anticipated. Once we were seated, some ladies sitting nearby asked us where we were from, & when it was obvious that we could converse (at least a little) in Japanese, a lively conversation ensued, with various other passengers joining in. The ladies were charmed by Brendan & wanted him to talk to them, too :) One was fascinated by his nose & he very kindly let her touch it :) We gave them postcards from our home town & they gave us postcards from the Byoudoin. One lady gave Brendan a beautiful, laminated photo of her grandsons in kimono for the “schichi-go-san” holiday (where children 7, 5, & 3 years old dress up & go to shrines to be blessed). I gave them some lip balms I’d made at home, & we all ended up taking photos of each other. One gentleman wanted Charlie’s address & email :) We decided that we must have gotten on the party train, it was so lively & fun! I was completely blitzed by the time we transferred trains & said goodbye to our friends. My brain was fried from simultaneously trying to say things correctly in Japanese & listening & understanding what was said, but it was an amazing experience!!

On the way home from the station we stopped at a store for lunch & dinner food, & have rested, read, & played games the rest of the day. What an amazing day! I can’t believe how much fun it’s been- & how wonderfully people respond to us- when we did our best to speak to them in their own language.

Japan2009: Sunday, April 19th

2009-04-19T09:46:00.007-04:00

We seem to have turned the bend on the jet-lag thing :) Brendan woke up at 5:00 am and was happy to read quietly until Charlie & I got up at 6:00. After breakfast I did my first load of wash in a Muji washer- very water & energy efficient. Made me really wish I had one at home in the US! It was a warm, sunny day- perfect for hanging the clothes out to dry in the breezeway on the 2nd floor, right off the bedrooms. In Japan, clothes dryers are pretty uncommon & all homes & apartments, large & small, have breezeways for hanging laundry & airing bedding, as well as neat little gadgets for hanging things up.

Today’s adventure (post-laundry :) began around 9:00 am, with a trip to the Fushimi Inari Taisha Shrine, a Shinto shrine located in the south of Kyoto. It’s famous for it’s 4 kilometers of pathways lined with bright, orange-red torii gates, all of which were given to the shrine over more than 1500 years, as offerings to the patron goddess of the shrine. The offerings helped to ensure good fortune in rice farming & in business. The messengers of Inari are fox-gods called kitsune, which are also associated with the fried tofu used in making- you guessed it- inari sushi :) Our trip to the shrine was pretty quick- 2 stops on a local train & then just 2 more on a JR train which stopped practically at the bottom of the steps to the shrine.

It was an amazing place... & we weren’t there for long before it became obvious that something special was happening today. There were groups of men in white happi coats & trousers wandering around, lots of shrine personnel in all sorts of ceremonial clothes, & lots of dignified people being seated in special areas. When we went up to see the paths of torii gates, we heard taiko drumming, & when we followed the sound of the drums, we found a gorgeous dance being performed by miko (shrine maidens) on a stage. We wandered into one of the shops (lots of little shops surrounded the shrine, selling omamori, little figurines, candles, & foods of all sorts) & asked the lady there what was going on (in Japanese). She explained that there would be a matsuri (festival) at 2:00 in the afternoon where portable shrines would be carried around the town. The guys dressed in white would be carrying the shrines, which were made of wood & brass & extremely heavy. Charlie got a nice sequence of photos of one group lifting a shrine & carrying it to the flatbed of a truck (to be taken into town).

It was absolutely incredible to experience- & this wasn’t even the actual festival, just the preparations.

We did some omiyage (presents to take home) shopping & bought some inari sushi & tamago senbei (sweet crackers) to take home, but didn’t have the staying power to hang around until the matsuri proper (& the crowds were really filling the place up, which isn’t comfortable for either Brendan or me), so we headed back to the train station. We stopped at a conbini to buy some onigiri to round out lunch & walked home to eat & rest.

We did some more exploring of the neighbourhood in the afternoon- Charlie & Brendan visited a nearby temple with an absolutely huge bell, & Charlie & I went looking around the ceramics shops nearby. I did some more laundry, since it was still really warm & sunny, & the weather is heading toward rainy as the week progresses. Since tomorrow looks nice still, we’ll probably go to Uji, a town a little farther south than the Inari shrine, which is famous for it’s tea. We visited Uji last time we were here & really liked it- the two oldest shrines in Japan are in Uji, & Charlie read about a place where we could participate in an informal tea ceremony, which even Brendan thought would be interesting. Mata ashita! (See you tomorrow!)

Japan 2009: Kyoto Day 1

2009-04-18T07:57:00.007-04:00

Well, today began at 3:30 am instead of 1:30, a great improvement! Brendan read & watched Inuyasha on the laptop until we joined him at 6:00 am for breakfast. He had his favourite ramen brand from home, although he found the flavour was distinctly different, even though the only outward difference was the writing in the package being in Japanese rather than English... Charlie & I had a sweet roll from the conbini (I had green tea, too) & we all had the delicious Japanese orange juice. We decided to make an early trip to the Kiyomizu-Dera Temple (& then Brendan could shower & have a soak when we got home), so we headed out around 7:00.

Everything was very quiet & it was cool, but sunny & perfect for walking. We crossed the wide main street (Gojodori) & headed to the next neighbourhood over, made up of narrow, hilly roads that twisted up to the temple. We passed lots of shops selling ceramics (as promised) & some sweets shops as well, but none were open yet. The road ended at the bottom of the steps to the Kiyomizu-Dera (“-dera” means “temple”), which was founded in the 600’s & whose oldest present buildings date from the 16oo’s. It was still quiet there, just a group of older Japanese visitors & a few families. We wandered around, finding all sorts of treasures: a beautiful sakura still in bloom; beautifully-painted buildings, some surrounded with silky banners; temple buildings small & large; & beautiful views. Brendan & Charlie paid their respects at some of the little temples, placing money in the boxes, ringing the bell, & saying a prayer. I bought an assortment of omamori- they were kindly labelled in English, too, & I chose some general good luck ones (small & round), a happiness one (square white) & a completely gorgeous blue, pentagonal one for “victory” (all are made from brocade fabrics, with the name of the temple woven into them).

About the time we were getting ready to leave, the tourists started to arrive... and arrive... and arrive. It was amazing to watch busloads & busloads of schoolkids in full seifuku walking in groups (led by uniformed ladies with flags) up the narrow streets to the temple. I was fascinated by all the different uniforms. We stopped at the bottom of the hill (where the buses were all parked) & Brendan & I bought hot coffee in cans to refresh ourselves, while Charlie looked around the omiyage (gift) shop that was conveniently situated to serve the bus visitors. On our way back down to our main street (& home) we passed more sweets & ceramics shops, just beginning their business day, so I think we’ll just have to go back!

It was just another 10 minutes to home, then Brendan had a computer session, a shower, & I filled the big ofuro for him to soak in- he said it was heavenly :) (The Japanese way of bathing is to shower first, sitting on a little bench next to the tub & using a hand-held type shower head that hangs halfway down the wall. Then, once you’re clean, you hop in the big tub for a soak. When you’re done in the ofuro, you cover it up & save the water for the next person. You can even reheat the water later on, which we’ll be doing...).

After ofuro time, we went out exploring again, this time in search of lunch of some sort. We went in a new direction & found a couple more conbini, a supermarket, a couple of wagashi (tradition sweets served with tea) shops, & a take-out sushi shop. The take-out sushi was irresistable- Brendan charged right up & asked the owner (in Japanese) if there was any avocado sushi (Brendan’s favourite), but there wasn’t... Charlie & I found some yummy cucumber rolls & chirashi (a combination of delicious items scattered over seasoned rice) sushi, which we bought. We found some of Brendan’s preferred bowl noodle, among other things, at one of the conbini, so we headed home with our lunch-makings. The bowl noodle proved a bit problematic- the flavour Brendan likes only comes in the “dekkai” (“huge”) size, & he wasn’t feeling “dekkai” hungry, so we decided to break it up into 2 servings, which worked better than expected (the rest is in the fridge, waiting for his next yen for noodles :).

We all rested after lunch, in an attempt to push our bed-times later into the evening, so that we’ll sleep longer into the morning. Brendan did fall asleep, which was a plus :) We woke him up in time to head back out to the grocery store at about 3:00, to get food for supper & breakfast. I hit the wagashi shop first & the lady there was lovely- she gave us samples of sakura senbei- crackers with sakura flowers & other sweet flavours in them- & fresh mochi with sweet fillings. Charlie, who is notoriously dislikes mochi (a special sticky rice that’s been pounded to a sticky, chewy paste), actually liked the fresh ones we sampled there. Then we went to the market, where Charlie found fresh strawberries to add to our dinner. They were particularly delicious...

After dinner Brendan & I worked on his next blog post, but he was self-destructing rapidly from jet-lag, so we encouraged him to read for a bit, to keep him up for as long as possible. He lasted until about 7:10, then ran upstairs, put his jammies on, & fell into bed. He was asleep literally in minutes & didn’t even move when the phone rang...

The phone call was from our landlords, a Japanese and American couple, who were helping us figure out how to use the television. They’d only just installed a new tv system last month & didn’t have the instructions in the house manual yet. We are not uaually that interested in tv (although it’s fun to watch the Japanese shows, especially kids’ programming & comedy shows), but Brendan & I are hoping very much to watch our Kamen Rider & Super Sentai shows tomorrow morning from 7:00-8:00. We usually watch them with English subs on the internet some time during the week after they’re shown in Japan, but it does give us a thrill to see them in real-time in Japan. We managed to catch them last visit & hope we can do so tomorrow. After some fiddling around with remotes & menus, Charlie & I got the cable tv working & watched a rerun episode of Bleach together, just for fun (I translated as much as possible for him).

So, the ofuro has reheated (it talks to you when you press the reheat button & plays a little tune when it’s done- not unlike my rice cooker at home :). Guess I’ll head into the shower & then soak a bit. Tomorrow looks to be cooler & maybe rainy, so we’ll see what happens, then decide what adventures to undertake. Oyasuminasai! (Good night!)

Japan 2009: to Kyoto

2009-04-17T08:47:00.003-04:00

Well, today began rather early, when Brendan woke up for good at 2:00 am local time. He read, restlessly, for a while & finally Charlie & I were as awake as he was... so we decided to have a tea party at 3:00 am :) I made tea & got out the candies we’d bought yesterday, & we put one of our favourite Miyazaki films (the only one we brought this trip) “The Cat Returns” into the laptop & we settled-in to watch & pass the bags of candy around (& sip tea). It’s a lovely movie, quiet & sweet, with just enough action. Whenever we watch our Japanese movies with English subs, Brendan & I retranslate some of the subs for Charlie (we don’t always agree with the translations :) & so we passed a very nice hour & a half. Brendan then resumed reading by flashlight (& Charlie & I dozed) until a little after 5:00, when they got up & Brendan had a shower & then got into the ofuro for a bit.

I suggested to Brendan that I type the rest of his memories of yesterday for him, so he won’t get too far ahead of himself & forget the details of our travels. He’d started his first travelling blog post yesterday but didn’t get much past our arrival at the ryokan. I really would like him to do as much of the typing (& therefore, composing) of his blog posts by himself, but he’s only just becoming independant at school with typing his schoolwork (he’s had scribing assistance for as long as I can remember), & I really don’t want him to lose his thoughts about our trip, so I’ve decided to assist as necessary. (The main reason I have mixed feelings about scribing for him is that it’s really hard to make it purely his work- we bounce back & forth about how things are worded, or he loses his train of thought & I have to prompt, & things get lost as I try to catch up with his voice...)

After typing the rest of his day, Brendan & Charlie decided to go out & hit the local “conbini” (convenience store) for some food for the train. I am the only one of us who absolutely adores “eikiben”, or train bentou (Charlie finds them full of greyish-looking food that may or may not taste good, & Brendan only eats what he can obviously identify- usually rice- but I just love it all, no matter if I know what it is or not), so I am the only one who knows for sure where her next meal is coming from :) Today is cooler & cloudy, & the weather report shows rain is likely, although no rain yet this morning. (Yesterday was gorgeous- sunny & mid-70’s :) Today looks good for spending 3 hours on a train, at least. The guys came back from the store with, among other things, bowl noodle & ice cream, & both are being consumed as I type (Charlie, the ice cream & Brendan the bowl noodle). Brendan has been “natsukashii” (nostalgic) about the bowl noodle he had last time we were in Japan (so many more types to choose from than in the US), so I think he found this an equivalent experience to my finding sakura trees yesterday :) He also brought us 2 mitsuya ciders (my favourite soda) so I’m having that- it’s not quite 8:00 am right now (& breakfast is at 8:30), but we have been up since 2:00-ish...

In Kyoto: It’s a good thing today was a travel day, since 3 hours on a train is a much better way to cope with jet-lag than trying to sight-see. We packed up after breakfast & the innkeeper called a taxi for us to arrive at 10:15. We thanked our host & hostess profusely for a lovely stay & were transferred to the care of an equally attentive taxi-driver for the trip to Tokyo station. The traffic became denser & denser as we progressed through town, & it was interesting to see different parts of Tokyo, at least in passing. Once we got to the station we puzzled out the signs to the office to pick up the JR Rail passes we’d bought while still in the US (advantages: less expensive fares, unlimited use of the JR system trains while the pass is active, & no hassles with using credit cards to pay, since they’re already paid-for). It took about half an hour to get them, which tried Brendan’s patience, but we were finally on our way to a place to sit & wait (just another half hour) until we could make our way to the platform for the 12:03 Hikari (one of the shinkansen lines) to Kyoto. I found some likely-looking eikiben (train-station bentou lunches) & bought 2 different ones for us to pass around. Charlie came up with some pastries to add to lunch, & Brendan bought us drinks with his spending money (we’ve decided to give him 1000 en daily- which is about $10.00 US- to use or save as he wishes- more lessons in financial planning :). We boarded & found our seats, stowed the big bags, & settled in for lunch & 3 hours to rest. Charlie was the only one who dozed, though. Brendan spent a lot of time trying to snap pictures & take little videos out the train window. I was starving, so I worked my way through the bentou- Charlie & Brendan were forced to join me in defense of their own lunches :) Charlie actually liked a lot of what he saw & ate, too. Then the guys played cards & I finished reading my newly-purchased Bleach Volume 38 & looked at one of the Kyoto books. Next thing we knew we were at Kyoto Station & looking for another taxi...

...Which led us to what I’m beginning to think is a Kyoto phenomenon: the taxi driver who doesn’t know how to get you where you want to go. This happened to us the last time we were here, too. We had an older (male) driver & we even had the instructions written in Japanese (to a place that was pretty well known), but he had to ask a few other drivers for advice to find the place. In his defense, the Japanese system for indentifying buildings is very complicated & the streets are numerous & extremely narrow- but I do remember thinking last time, “This guy drives a taxi & he can’t read a map?” I found myself thinking the same thing today. We had another older man driving us, & he puzzled mightily over the map & instructions printed in Japanese, & even had his cell phone out to call one of the numbers on the directions we had, when we spotted a younger man (a shuttle-bus driver) grinning at our scenario through a window. We nodded him over & he consulted with our stone-faced driver & convinced him that he could do it, I guess, because our guy put the phone away & drove off (I mouthed “arigatou” to our rescuer) & in less than 10 minutes we were there. Such a fuss..,

Fortunately, we were in raptures over our Kyoto home-away-from-home & the hurry-up-&-wait couldn’t really put a damper on our enthusiasm once we were there. We are staying in a remodeled, “machiya” (old-fashioned Kyoto-style) house. It is gorgeous! It’s one of a row of homes reached by an alley with a gate, off a narrow, one-way street. It’s two-storey (very steep stairs) with 2 bedrooms & the breezeway for hanging clothes to dry upstairs, & the kitchen, dining area, washer room, ofuro, & bathroom (separate rooms, as is traditional here) downstairs. Small, but comfortable. Brendan’s first priority was to get some online time to make up for the last few days offline, so I pulled out the timer (he gets 40 minute “sessions” of computer time at home, so why not keep things consistent here?) & figured out the wireless set-up for him. Charlie & I read the book of instructions for everything in the house & then made a shopping list. The nearest supermarket was much farther than the nearest conbini (on the map in the instruction book), so we decided to do the conbini thing until we got our bearings. I showed Brendan how to download pictures from our 3 cameras- his job between computer sessions- & Charlie & I left him to go get food.

The conbini (a 7-11) was about a large city block away, just across the large street where our little street ends, which was a relief. We were back before Brendan had even finished his session, which was a good thing because the poor kid quietly self-destructed as soon as the laptop closed. It was about 5:00 pm, & he’d been up since 2:00 am-ish, so it’s no wonder. I was able to get his evening medicine into him (with some grape soda :) & he did manage a few chips for dinner (sigh). Although Charlie coaxed him to change into jammies, he planted himself on his futon fully clothed & fell right to sleep.

Charlie & I had a more leisurely dinner of onigiri, chips & salad, then I watched an anime online while Charlie began sorting out his bed & bedding & ended-up falling asleep (I wondered why he was so quiet...). He came back down half & hour later & we giggled a bit over his nap, then we looked at books & got some ideas for what to do tomorrow, which looks like it’s going to be beautiful. Brendan & his jet-lag will be a factor, but the books say that most temples & jinjas (temple= Buddhist, jinja= Shinto) are open early- yay! The area we’re staying in was the historic centre for ceramics in Kyoto, & there’s a temple & a street of ceramics shops within a ten-minute walk of our machiya- seems like a good place to start!

Japan 2009: The start!

2009-04-17T04:49:00.007-04:00

Well, we made it to Tokyo without any hitches! We got on our first plane at 9:00 am, 14-April, which took us to Detroit in about an hour. There was a considerable layover in Detroit, with our next plane taking off at 3:00 pm-ish, so we found a nice internet cafe & got Brendan online for a bit while we ate & relaxed. We were not prepared for the 3:00 plane to begin boarding at 2:00, so last-minute potty stops were nerve-wrackingly last-minute :( But all three of us got on board the enormous plane for our 12-hour trans-pacific flight in time. (A note about the length of the flight... I’d been under the impression that flying from Detroit would take an hour off the 11-hours from Chicago, but was mistaken... although it didn’t hit me until we got to Japan, so at least I was dumb & happy on the way here :)

And it was a long flight, but Brendan, at least, managed to sleep for about 3 1/2 hours of it. Charlie was armed with a mild sedative to help him sleep, but it didn’t do much for sleeping. However, it did seem to help with the restless legs problem he had last time we flew to & from Japan, so that was a relief. I was armed with knitting, a puzzle book, & an electronic sudoku game, none of which did anyhing for sleeping, but it passed the time :)

And the next thing we knew, we landed at Narita at what our bodies thought was 3:00 am (& was, locally, 4:00 pm). Customs & immigration was easy, as it was last time (although Charlie & I were photographed & electronically fingerprinted- a first for us), & we found our train & bought tickets (first time we needed to speak Japanese!) with no trouble. We were pretty spacey, though, & didn’t quite get that we had reserved seat tickets, so it took some time (& traversing 4 train cars) to get us & our luggage settled in the same place. Luckily it was about 50 minutes from the airport to Ueno, where our ryokan (traditional-style Japanese inn) was located, so we had time. We weren’t sure if the station we debarked from was big enough for a taxi stand, but lucked-out to see a taxi stand just as we exited. We found the address tucked away in our bags = & the taxi driver actually phoned from the taxi for directions, all of which took no more that 15 minutes. Yay!!

The gentleman at the ryokan was all ready to send us out again for dinner, but we were exhausted rather than hungry & ready for showers & bed. Our room is pretty small, with all 3 futons taking up 3/4 of the floor space, but we have a private bathroom, a hot pot for tea, the floor is covered with tatami matting (very elegant) & breakfast is offered on site. The futons are really confortable (we discovered this morning that they have foam mattresses underneath them) & we all slept well- but, of course, everyone was wide-awake by 4:30 am (5:30 pm home-time). Brendan read by flashlight while I dozed & Charlie shaved & filled the ofuro (big bathtub) for Brendan to have a soak.

We were scheduled to have breakfast at 8:15, so we went out at 7:00 for a walk around the neighbourhood. And what a neighbourhood it is! It’s called Shitamatchi (which means “lower town”) & is one of the oldest neighbourhoods in Tokyo, having escaped fire-bombing during WWII. Last time we were in Tokyo we stayed in Roppongi, which is where the non-Japanese living in Tokyo tend to settle (our apartment was next to the Russian embassy) & it was difficult to even find a Japanese grocery store, so we wanted a different experience this time. We succeeded! The streets are narrow & crowded with buildings, trees, flowers, & bicycles. At 7:00 am we saw mostly older folks out for a walk & schoolkids on their was to school. It was neat to see the students in their “seifuku” school uniforms (“seifuku” is japanglish for “sailor suit”, & many of the girls’ uniforms still have sailor suit collars & scarves, while the boys’ are channelling Prussian dress uniform). None of the businesses were open & everything was quiet. We were following a map from the ryokan, but couldn’t figure out how to indentify the streets at first, so we got lost, retraced our steps, & found where we wanted to be. Brendan counted vending machines & Charlie found our first sakura tree- sadly, they’re at the very end of their blooming, so are very sparse. But, hey, we have seen sakura blooming in Japan & that was one of our wishes, already granted!

Back to the ryokan for a light breakfast (delicious orange juice, tea, & 2 big slices of toast with jam) & practiced our Japanese on the lady who brought us our breakfast- she seemed charmed, especially by Brendan speaking to her :) The plan afterward was to walk back to the station (which turns out to be a less-than 10-minute walk, but who knew last night...) & take the train one stop to Ueno Park, to see the sights & go to the science museum there. A nice lady at the ticket booths helped us to remember how to buy regular train tickets from a machine (unlike the reserved-seat train we took yesterday) & it was a quick trip to the park. We picked up a follower on our way out of the station- another nice lady who had sat across from us on the train, took a shine to Brendan & told us about her 16-year-old grandson in high school. I told her that Brendan was a 13-year-old middle-school student & wished madly I could have understood her better & said more. Sigh...
These are strings of origami cranes hanging next to a statue in Ueno Park.

We walked through Ueno Park to the museum, & it was obvious that this is a popular place for school trips. We lost count of the groups of schoolkids of all ages roaming around. The science museum was particularly popular. There was fun stuff to do: the physics-type hands-on exibits were neat, & we walked through halls of dinosaur fossils & stuffed animals (I don’t think Brendan realised they were the real thing because my animal-loving kid had nary a reaction except “my feet are beginning to hurt”). We did think the exhibit showing a cow’s entire digestive system spread out & under glass ( absolutely huge) was poorly placed on the way to the food area, though.

We had nice onigiri (rice balls) & obentou (lunch box) at the museum, then wandered back to the station through the park, stopping at a Buddhist temple, where I bought a couple of omamori good luck charms (this may become my souvenir of choice... friends be duly warned :) & Charlie found the best sakura tree of the day (see the top picture). Here is Brendan at the Kannon-Do Temple:
There was also a huge group of grade-school children in identical yellow baseball caps, all eating identical box lunches, which made for a striking sight. Charlie said they looked like a field of daffodils... :)
The train trip back to the ryokan was easy & the difference in the streets was noticeable. Everything was open for business, & we found some yummy melonpan (a roll with cookie dough baked on top), a sweets shop (Brendan bought conpeito- the star-ish candy from “Spirited Away” & I found candies made from green tea & honey), & a book store (Brendan spotted the Samurai Shinkenger magazine first, then I found Bleach volume 38- banzai!!!). Then, back to nap, read, rest- as I type this, my computer clock says it’s 1:20 am home-time. My body is trying not to believe it...

In the evening: I actually slept this afternoon, according to Charlie. Brendan was feeling restless so they went out while I was resting (Charlie rested while I was typing earlier) & found a convenience store & paper store. We got our acts together by 5:30 & headed out to find a tempura restaurant for dinner. Our Japanese teacher, Shizuka, told us the Ueno is known for its tempura, so we convinced Brendan to try it. Wonderfully, he was up for it & so we found a tiny place (seated 12 at 3 tatami tables & maybe 6 more at the counter) & were warmly welcomed in by the owner/chef & seated at one of the tatami tables, which was a real challenge for our knees... .
He had a map of the world on the wall with little stickers on all of the cities he’s had customers from, so we added our town in northeastern USA to the map :) He spoke some english, but seemed very pleased that we could speak to him in Japanese, & his wife told us we were “jyozu”, which means really good at it (the customary response is to deny it, which I did :). We ordered 3 vegetarian tempura meals, & he started us with some delicious ocha (not even a close relative of the restaurant green tea we get at home) & boiled vegetables with dipping sauce. Absolutely delicious. Brendan actually tried a bite of most of them :) His patience & endurance were wearing thin, after strenuous travels & body being off by half a day, but we were able to distract him until the very end of the meal & had a really fun time. He took loads of pictures & then showed us the ones he’d taken during the day (many of which will be posted in his blog, so look forward to it- he found some wild stuff :). The tempura was amazing & Brendan managed to eat some rice & miso soup, but he was really running out of steam by then & getting harder to distract from OCD “fleas”. We paid & said “gochisosama deshita” (“it was a feast”- the traditional thanks for a meal) & got out right before things got too intense, & got back to the ryokan in record time. I fooled with the computer in the lobby (managed a quick post but no luck getting into my hotmail) while Charlie put Brendan to bed. The kid was asleep by the time I got upstairs. I think I’ll follow suit :) We’re riding the shinkansen to Kyoto tomorrow, then on to the next adventure!!

Made it!

2009-04-16T06:02:00.002-04:00

Just a note to let everyone know we have arrived safely in Japan! I'm writing this painstakingly on the japanese-keyboard computer in the lobby of our ryokan (traditional inn) in Tokyo (there's no wireless to connect the laptop to). The trip was long, but we made it without any hitches :) We are exhausted still, but had a fun day looking around our little neighbourhood in Tokyo. Tomorrow we head for Kyoto by shinkansen (bullet train),where we'll have internet access & can put up pictures. So stay tuned!!

Getting ready to return to Japan!

2009-04-08T11:42:00.003-04:00

Konnichiwa! Ohisashiburi desu ne?

Hello- long time no see :) Sorry it's been nearly a year since my last update. Many, many things have redirected my attention from blogging, not the least of which has been a change in how I've been feeling about sharing the story of our daily lives as an autism family. As Brendan's been growing (he's 13 as of last week! & nearly finished with 7th grade) it's been getting clearer that his own voice is an essential part of this story. I've felt caught between continuing to blog without his perspective & Brendan's not quite being ready to jump into the online world- so I've been silent, online at least :)

The silence is about to change, for both of us, though. Our family is leaving for our second trip to Japan next Tuesday, April 14th, & since he'll be missing about 8 days of school, we decided as a group, (parents, teachers & Brendan) that he'd write a travel blog as part of his school work abroad. We set up his blog, "Year of the Rat" a couple of days ago (check out the links for his first post, detailing the itinerary for the trip :) and, armed with his own camera, he's prepared to share his own view of Japan with the world. (Hooray!!!) I'll be updating this blog on a daily basis as well, so look for our posts from Japan beginning some time mid-next-week.

We're very much looking forward to experiencing Japan with nearly 2 more years of language lessons under our belts. I can also read more kanji & fluently read both phonetic alphabets this time, which bodes well for shopping (at the very least), since last time I couldn't figure out what shops were selling what from the signs posted outside.... We're also staying in japanese-style accomodations for the whole trip this time (no hotels!!), so we'll be able to cook in or eat out as we wish, & won't be nearly as dependent on convenience stores for our meals. We'll be meeting our present Japanese teacher, Shizuka, & her husband in Tokyo during the 2nd half of the trip, & plan to visit the Studio Ghibli museum with them, which will feel very much like a pilgrimage, since Brendan's interest in Japan & learning japanese was sparked by watching the movie "My Neighbour Totoro" when he was 4 :) We're also going to visit one of the largest craft stores in Tokyo, which makes me dizzy every time I think about it (wheeee!).

So, we're in "pre-packing" phase (preparing everything short of putting them in suitcases) & Charlie's adding american comfort foods to the shopping list (he's the one in the family who hasn't fully adopted japanese food as soul food... :). Brendan used his birthday gift cards to buy a load of books to amuse him on the trip & I've figured put which knitting projects are going with me. Next time you hear from us, we'll be there!

Yoroshiku onegaishimasu!

Thoth returns... :)

2008-05-29T12:49:00.002-04:00

Today was Ancient Egypt day for Brendan's class- the culmination of all of their research & creative efforts. They presented their work by inviting the rest of the school to a "wax museum" of gods & goddesses (all of them dressed-up, wearing the masks they'd made). They all had drawn buttons to push for info on paper, then sat in costume beside their statues, ready to talk to anyone who pushed their button about their god or goddess. At some mutually-agreed-upon time, the groups of kids decided to take off their masks & represent regular ancient Egyptians, & were ready to talk about their every-day lives as well.

So, here's Brendan as Thoth & as a regular, ancient Egyptian scribe.

And Brendan posing with his Thoth statue.

I left before the presentations (stayed to help Brendan get costumed-up & take a bunch of pictures of the kids :), so I can't wait to hear how it went!!

Meet Thoth :)

2008-05-27T10:21:00.003-04:00

For the past few weeks Brendan's class at school has been studying ancient Egypt. They've been working in groups to make model pyramids, learning about what is believed to be the everyday life of ancient Egyptians, & also were asked to choose a god or goddess to do a research project on (he chose Thoth, the god of wisdom, scribes, & magic). Brendan has enjoyed this unit & was able to bring some resources from home for his research- one of my cousins married a man from Egypt & has sent Brendan books on Egypt & also pictures of her family in front of the pyramids- pretty cool! A couple of weekends ago Brendan found himself challenged by the homework, though... well, the fact that they had homework over the weekend (not a usual phenomenon :) was the first challenge to wrap his head around. He has very specific ideas of when & where homework should occur, & we are generally supportive of these ideas, since he needs his down-time at home very much. This is the first year since homework became part of life (in 3rd grade) that he (now in 6th grade) has been able to cope with consistently doing homework- big sigh of relief! So Brendan met the weekend homework assignment with mixed feelings, particularly since it was a craft project...

Brendan is one of the many on the spectrum who really dislikes getting his hands messy or gooey. His fine-motor co-ordination has come along very nicely & although he doesn't much like cutting with scissors or glueing things together, he will do it if someone sticks by him. I was really proud & amazed when he went along with the mask-making project at school- using plaster of paris strips on a form to make a mask of his chosen Egyptian god. He had drawn & cut out facial features, & then worked with a couple of his teachers to do the messy parts. I was there when they did it & watched him do it! He was just about maxxed-out by the gooiness of the plaster by the time he finished, & ran straight for the sink to rinse his hands afterward, but he did it :) The painting of the dry mask went better & he happily told me about the cool colours he choose for it after school one day. Again, hooray!

The weekend project was to make a statue, at least 12 inches high, of their chosen god. Brendan's first reaction was to opt out. It was an option, since his teachers are very reasonable about not pushing him too hard when it comes to homework (or allowing him to do it at school, rather than at home). Charlie told Brendan that he thought it could be fun & why don't they try doing it together? Brendan cautiously agreed... And so began an interesting weekend for all of us :)

They discussed options & decided to do a mixed-media project. They found a mailing tube that was already more than 12" tall, & then Charlie discovered that an old medicine bottle fit perfectly into the top... which led them to decided to make "Thoth as Pez dispenser :) They decided to make the head from sculpey, so I gave them total access to my sculpey stash, plus made them look at the Klutz sculpey book before going ahead. This helped them decide to make a tin foil armature first, since it would make the head lighter. They used a straightened-out paper clip for the beak (Thoth has the head of an ibis).

Charlie cut a circle out of waxed paper the same size as the top of the bottle to use as a template, so it would be the right size. They worked for over an hour on the sculpture, & then drilled holes in the lid & bottle (to wire the top in so it could be flipped off like a Pez dispenser) while it baked. I really enjoyed watching them work on it together, heads bent over various bits & pieces, discussion of how to fit things together, how best to smooth the sculpey, what colour to make the eyes :) By the end of day 1, the head was made & epoxyed to the lid & Brendan had discovered that he likes the feeling of working with sculpey. Hooray!

On day 2 it was my turn to get involved, since we needed to dress Thoth in the latest ancient Egyptian style. I brought down odds & ends of fabric & Brendan & I looked a pictures to decide how he wanted it to look. I draped & he critiqued, & finally we finished it off with a ribbon belt & a torque made from a string of glass beads Brendan had made. He was really pleased. So were we... on many levels. First, he hadn't opted out of a challenging assignment. Then... he had fun doing it! So did we :) And, mostly, I am always looking for ways to share the wonderful feeling I feel when I make stuff, with Brendan. This is not something that comes as naturally to him as it does to me, but the feeling of accomplishment is something that just makes me want to keep doing it, making things, experimenting with ideas & techniques & media. It was so lovely to see him enjoying himself so much while doing this. And... it was a great hit at school (especially the Pez... :). As I think of the summer ahead, I think we'll be doing more with sculpey- maybe this year he'll make beads to use for his holiday gifts!

Returning to the fray :)

2008-05-18T15:31:00.004-04:00

Time certainly passes quickly, doesn't it?

Thanks to a timely sermon this morning at church (on the topic of Jonah, the call to make the world a better place, all the reasons we try to avoid this call, & why we should answer it anyway) I realised that I've been away from blogging for far too long, & need to jump back into this community. I've come to understand that part of the reason I took time away from writing & sharing was my participation in the search for a new minister for my church. Not only was it very intense & time-consuming, but so much of the process was confidential & I worried about inadvertantly letting something slip while blogging. But the search is over, we successfully called our new minister last month, & it time to get back to the discipline of writing. One thing that I did discover during my break was that I felt a bit of a relief to be out from under the magnifying glass of looking at (& writing about) my family & my life on an almost daily basis, so I'm going to try to keep that in mind as I find a new rhythm for writing.

So... last night Charlie & I hosted a meeting of parents from our school who have kids with IEPs & who are concerned about how the IDEA law has finally filtered down to our local level & will be making perhaps significant changes to our school next year. Brendan's school is a private alternative school with a well-earned reputation for doing a great job of educating kids with IEPs. About 20% of the kids at school (of around 100 total students) have IEPs & they are all integrated into regular classrooms. Of the 13 parents who met last evening, about half have kids in Brendan's class, & many of us have found this school to be our last resort for educating our kids, having either had bad experiences with our public school districts, or having been advised that the public schools couldn't provide the appropriate environments for our kids. The beauty of our school is that it's able to provide the "least restrictive environment" while also providing the (sometimes intense) support that our guys need, all in an alternative education setting, which means no standardised testing, the use of multiple & creative ways of getting the information across, hands-on learning with lots of field trips, plenty of outside time... I could go on & on :)

Up until now, our school has been able to hire & train their own consultant teachers by contracting with the school districts to provide these services to kids with IEPs from those districts. Paying our school to hire their own teachers actually saves the districts money, for various reasons, so everyone's had their needs met. Kids needing OT, speech, PT, etc. were served by providers sent to the school from the districts in which each kid lived, which meant a lot of people in & out of the building, but it basically worked. This past year, New York State's appeal of the IDEA law failed, & now it is illegal for private schools to use public funds to hire their teachers... Our school is too small to hire these staff without using funds provided by the school districts. Also, instead of having the district in which the chid resides provide funds & services, it's the district in which the school is located that administers all of this. On one level, this has worked well this year, since just one OT, speech therapist, & PT providing services for all of the kids in the school makes it much easier to communicate & co-ordinate space. Unfortunately, our school is located in the poorest & most disorganised school district in the area... it's the district that we actually live in & although the service providers have been top-notch, the administration is a whole other matter. Sigh. According to the law, as the State is interpreting, the district is required to allow parents & non-public schools to have a say in who will be placed in their facilities, but the reality has been anything but encouraging, with shell-games being played with who the actual district contact person is, calls unanswered, funds withheld (the school finally hired an attorney to work on this).

What we are anticipating for next year is that our present consultant teachers will be gone. Brendan's teacher, Cherie, has been with him since 3rd grade & knows almost instinctively what to do when he's having a tough time with tics or OCD moments, so that most of the time he misses little or no class time when they pop up. We shudder to think what will happen to him with someone brand new, no matter how well-meaning, has to take the time to learn how to help him along. Also, right now Cherie is able to float between Brendan & her other kids, using her time efficiently & effectively, keeping things moving along throughout the day. We have no idea how the consultant teachers sent by the district will be assimilated into the classroom. Will they send a different one for each child with an IEP that requires consultant teacher hours? Will they send one to work with all of them? How many hours will they actually be in the building? If Brendan's IEP says he gets 5 hours daily, what will happen to him when they're not in the building...? We do know that the district is not allowing any time on IEPs for the consultant teachers to actually consult with the classroom teachers. What's up with that?

The other issue is that not only will they be sending their own teachers into an alternative school with a very specific education philosophy, but they will not be assigned until the day before school starts. How on earth is our school to maintain it's educational philosophy if a portion of the teachers either don't buy-into it or don't have time to even learn what it is? Extra added excitement is that our school will not be supervising any of these teachers, so there's no recourse if the new teachers don't get or like the way we do things...

Hence our concerns & our meeting last night. It was interesting to meet face-to-face in a group with people, many of whom we've known on an individual level (or not- being the door lady I know a lot of the parents at school that Charlie doesn't). Some of the parents we know because their kids are Brendan's closest friends, but this was the first time we've worked together on any kind of advocacy. It was good to hear what the parents of younger kids at school are thinking, too, & to understand their concerns. Our school's director, Paula (who's also the parent of a college-age kid who went through the school system with an IEP), was there to update us on the "shape of things to come" & field questions & suggestions for responses. It probably goes without saying that people came with radically different concerns, from "how do we change this stupid law?" to "how do we get the district to listen to us?" to "how do we make sure our kid functions in school next year?" (that was our particular concern). It was comforting to share our stories, about our kids, struggles with the school systems, about why we've chosen this school for our children. Charlie & I shared our frustration with Brendan's recent IEP meeting, in which we were told (after 45 minutes of what we thought was a normal annual review meeting) that they were "not authorised to approve his IEP as written" (which is almost identical to his current level of services) because his needs were too high... The CSE chair suggested moving his 3-year re-evaluation from next fall to, essentially, right now in order to prove that he needs what we're asking for. (When the permission for testing form arrived last Friday, I had it signed, copied, & back to the mailman before he left the neighbourhood. They'll get it back tomorrow... this is how serious I am about my kid's services, thank you!) Our family has been slogging through the special ed system for 7 years now, so we're not so much worried as wary... We we glad to hear, too, from other parents that their kids' annual reviews had gone better than Brendan's.

In the end, we decided to work on the situation from a few different directions. One of the parents agreed to draft a letter requesting that the district comply with state law by allowing the school & parents to be active participants in the selection of the teachers to be placed in our school next year. We'll all sign this & a packet of the letters will be sent not only to the district contact person but the school board president & the superintendent of schools. Charlie & I said we'd head up the group looking into helping the school fund a part-time consultant teacher hired by the school, to co-ordinate the new staff & particularly to work with the oldest kids (Brendan included). We talked about strategies for upping the ante, if the district decides to blow us off :) I'm left feeling guardedly hopeful about next year. I am still frustrated that a federal law can work against the best interests of my child's educational needs. I feel angry that so many uncaring people have the power to make things difficult for him, to affect whether or not he'll make it to high school or college, for goodness sake! It's just idiotic. I am glad to be part of a group of people of good will who want to work together to make things right. It's a very good start...

Happy (belated) Birthday, Brendan!

2008-04-02T14:21:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was not only April Fool's Day, but also Brendan's 12th birthday! It was a school day, but he was
ok with the wait for the end of the school day for birthday fun :) He had requested fruit trays with dip for the school celebration & they were a big hit (the teachers said that the kids appreciated the fruit more than cake or cookies :). When asked how old he was, Brendan chose to make up a math problem to tell them (a school tradition) & even used negative numbers in the equation! (The latest subject in 6th grade math... :) Since Charlie wouldn't be home from work until dinner time he had suggested that Brendan open one gift after school, so I had him open the japanese-language version of the newest Pokemon movie (it hasn't been released in english yet) that I'd found online &, as I'd hoped, he wanted to watch it right away. So I made popcorn & we headed upstairs, where we have Brendan's computer set for region 2 dvds, & had a great time watching it. It's just as visually gorgeous as the other recent Pokemon movies, & there was a great anti-war message, too. We did our usual shout-out of words & phrases we understood, & it really wasn't terribly hard to follow the plot or dialogue at all.

After the movie I showed Brendan the thank-you card I'd printed on the computer, a picture from one of his fencing lessons, specifically for the gift from his fencing teacher of a hand-built foil just for Brendan! He gave it to him on Monday after having him try it our for his lesson. Brendan was pretty floored, to be given a fencing foil of his own, & really excited when he recovered from the surprise :) His teacher told him that he found Brendan's enthusiasm for fencing, at such a young age, very inspiring, & wanted him to have a foil of his own to really get used to. Lucky kid! (Really proud mom, too :)

Another birthday surprise, that arrived in the mail, was a card, sent overnight mail, from Tomoko in Minnesota! She'd had some car misfortune & wasn't able to get a card out in time, so she sent it overnight so it would get here on his birthday (which I found very touching!). Grammie joined us for dinner, too, so she could be in on the birthday fun.

As mentioned in previous posts, Brendan's anxiety has been running higher for the past few months, & he was definitely on higher-anxiety mode anticipating his birthday. Since we really didn't want him to be miserable about his birthday, we asked him to make a list of some legos he really wanted (nothing too expensive!) & told him that he'd definitely get these sets for his birthday. He's been really into the Star Wars legos & has been working hard to earn & save allowance money to buy sets bit by bit, so he was really excited by this plan. That nipped the anxiety right in the bud, too- whew! Just to make things more interesting, I hid the legos & gave him clues for finding them (they were much too easy- next year he's going to have to work harder! :) He even translated my hiragana handwriting (which is notoriously bad...) & understood the clue I'd written in japanese. We told him that he would not be able to make all of the sets before bedtime (he had homework to do, too) & he was ok with just making one... go Brendan!!

As you can see by the above photo, legos weren't the only Star Wars items he got... Charlie got Brendan a lightsabre of his own at the same time that he'd gotten mine, so now Brendan & I have matching sabres! He was soooo excited. So, my sabre is now safe (he's been playing with it a lot...) although the living room furniture won't be until the weather warms up & he can practise outside... :)

And, just a year to go before he's a teenager... amazing...

In honour of his birthday, here's a Brendan story that I've been wanting to share for a while:
A couple of weeks ago we visited the anime store to pick up some new manga. They had some new pokemon plushies, some with light-up cheeks (kawaii!) & Brendan managed to talk me into getting one (not terribly hard- I'm a cute freak, too :). I love how he treats all of them as though they were real friends... Well, when we got out to the car, he pulled the tab from the battery &... the cheeks didn't light up. I sighed & prepared to go back into the store to try & exchange it, but Brendan told me that he didn't want to give it up. "It's ok, Mom, I like this one the way he is. I don't want to take him back." I was a little surprised, & a little relieved... In the car on the way home I mentioned to Brendan that not many kids would be satisfied with a plushie that didn't do what was advertised. He said that he was worried about what would happen to it if he took it back, that no-one would love it. I told him that maybe he's better at loving things no matter how well they work because he knows what it's like to be different. He smiled...

To fight, or not to fight...

2008-03-12T16:10:00.002-04:00

Way back in early December Brendan's psychologist asked me to keep a "tic log", essentially a record of Brendan's anxiety moments. The purpose for this was data-collecting, to see if we could get a sense of the patterns of Brendan's OCD anxiety. I have been doing this faithfully, along with recording our responses to his anxiety on the odd chance that we learn anything from that, too, & getting Brendan's input on his time spent at school (everything has been done with his knowledge & co-operation, of course) ever since, filling 2 little hand-bound books with these observances... until just this past week. I'm not sure why I've stopped, but somehow it began to feel more & more like micro-managing, like looking at things too closely. So, without too much struggle (or guilt), I stopped. My researcher past tells me that we probably have plenty of data by now (3 months' worth) & my mom instinct tells me to follow my gut :) Brendan's psychologist is a wonderful, understanding person, so I know he'll understand, whatever the reason.

One of the good things about doing this sort of thing is that it's not hard to spot changes over time (since I'm writing everything down, I can't help but notice what phrases I write over & over again...). A few trends that have been pretty obvious are his anxiety before going to school (particularly Monday mornings) & also the extreme pain that the OCD anxiety has been causing him. One of the things that has changed noticeably in the past 3 months has been Brendan's ability to ask for help when faced with anxiety- he's gotten much more proactive about this & we are actively grateful, making sure that we give him feedback when he's done well with communicating. His school teachers have been noticing this, too. It is a wonderful, wonderful thing to see him starting to use the strategies he's been learning to cope with the anxiety. It's also wonderful to be able to give him the feedback that he is using the strategies. He's not always aware of what he does & one of the main things we've been trying to help him learn ever since the anxiety became a "big player" (almost exactly 4 years ago, just before his 8th birthday) is how to choose the most effective & positive ways to deal with it.

These days Brendan seems most vulnerable to the "fleas" (his word to describe/personify the OCD anxiety) on Monday mornings, & we have had some doozies the past couple of weeks... The first time Monday Morning-itis hit I was not prepared & it was a disaster. He was so immobilised by the "fleas" that he couldn't get dressed. I waffled between explaining that he would be going to school in his jammies if he couldn't get dressed, trying my best to enable the dressing somehow, and then trying my best to deal with the full-body tics that erupted whenever he tried to touch his clothes... There was something bad about the colour green that morning (related to something he'd seen on a show) & he couldn't even look at it. Although his clothes did not have green on them, he was surrounded by green things. Colour difficulties are a pretty common manifestation of the OCD anxiety, but they'd never been quite so intense. Finally, he was able to struggle into his boxers & pants on his own (his is nearly 12 & no way am I going to embarrass him & try to do the nether regions) & I dressed him the rest of the way. He was too upset to eat breakfast & sat in the kitchen & sobbed & hated the "fleas" & raged at the OCD & said he wished he'd never been born until it occurred to me to offer him a book, which distracted him enough to eat a banana & take his morning meds (bless you, Terry Pratchett!). By the time we got to school he was doing pretty well seemed not to have any more trouble than usual. I was a wreck for the rest of the day, though. I felt like a particular failure as a mother & it felt bad. Sigh. That wore off in time, though, & in talking to Charlie, he certainly was able to find bits where I hadn't totally blown it... I think the worst was feeling so helpless & ineffectual in the face of his pain.

Over the following week I thought about what had happened, mostly in the back of my mind as we did our daily thing. One of the things that has really been coming into focus over the past few months is Brendan's pain & resentment of the OCD. I've gone through a few revolutions of thinking since Brendan was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum & one of the main ones has concerned whether or not to "fight" his conditions. I have written before about the use of "fighting words" when it concerns my kid or his differences, & my ultimate conclusion is that is does not add positively to the world when we fight it... but how could I talk about this with Brendan while still acknowledging his pain & his own feelings on the matter?

This week has provided a couple of occasions to work on this... :) This past Monday was definitely a continuation of the previous Monday, with the added excitement of Brendan still being "jet-lagged" from the time change. I was prepared, though, so I stuck with him verbally, from the other side of his bedroom door, as he got his pants on & then took over the rest of the dressing. Green was no longer an issue (the bigger the blow-up the shorter the duration of the "flea", I've discovered) but there is a particular shade of blue that causes problems... we got past that & he was crying on the way downstairs & plopped on the kitchen floor when we got there, so I just handed him his book & he requested an apple to eat & things were pretty ok. While I was eating my breakfast & he took a break from his book, I made an attempt to talk about the anxiety. I told Brendan that it seemed to me that his anxiety about going to school is actually pretty reasonable for a kid with Aspergers, with all of the social difficulties that go along with it. And it seemed to me that the OCD was taking reasonable anxieties & blowing them out of proportion, which is one reason it's so tough to deal with. We started calling OCD "anxiety on steroids" which made him kind of grin. It was a start...

This morning, even though he was off school for teacher conferences, I suspected that he might have some trouble getting dressed because we were due at school at 9:00 for his conference (yesterday he was off, but no conference). I was right- he dithered & "flea-ed" & then asked me to finish putting his shirt & socks on, which I did, & then observed that it was really helpful for him to ask for help. He went downstairs yelling & moaning, so we talked again about the "anxiety on steroids" & he said that he hated anxiety & started crying. So I told him that one thing I've observed is that he has a lot of trouble on schooldays, which did not mean that he doesn't like school or trying to get out of anything (this is a recurring argument- that he feels he's being accused of using the OCD to try to get out of things). I reminded him that this school anxiety is not unreasonable for him, but that the OCD ramps it to unbearable levels. Then I gently suggested that he wasn't alone in dealing with something painful like this, that there are other people around that I've known who were born with difficulties that sometimes cause them pain- like my friends from my wheelchair basketball days who were paralysed or had lost legs in war or accidents, & how they had to get used to being different & being perceived as being different, & used to getting around in a different way, which could be really difficult. I told him that I'd observed that those who found positive ways to look at their pain, who didn't fight it but accepted it as part of them, were happier people. We talked about people we've known who are refugees from war, & how anger & wanting revenge does not make someone peaceful. We even talked about the difference between being a "fighter" in the sense of learning to fence & how that's different from fighting something. Brendan reflected that fencing requires a lot of thought, but when he's angry & fighting the OCD, he's not really thinking, just reacting. Our discussion bounced around a bit, but as we talked Brendan became calmer, more peaceful himself. I mentioned all the ways that I've already seen him using good strategies to cope with the OCD, & how he's gotten so much better at dealing with some parts of it. That it's ok to be angry & sad about how hard it is to deal with life with OCD, but it's what he does with his anger & sadness that's important. He was perfectly calm & able to sit & eat (no book :) after that. We both felt calm & peaceful. We talked about it all again during his conference, as he reflected on how well he's managing the anxiety at school, pinpointed the difficult times of day & how he & his teachers could cope with them. It was all very positive & I felt such a glow of pride for my son.

Ultimately, I think what I really need is a big sign somewhere that says "the intense times are the times when we learn the most". It's so hard to cope with those intense times, when we're all falling apart & no-one knows what to do... but I look at what Brendan & I have learned from our frightful Mondays & I can feel (almost) grateful. We are turning our minds to every important considerations. How we think is how we live, & Brendan is growing into a very thoughtful person indeed... :)

"Too open" about it...

2008-02-14T20:02:00.004-05:00

I wonder how many of us have heard this, from well-meaning people... I heard it yesterday & I'm still trying to process my feelings.

I was talking to a friend about a recently-met other person, and my feeling that this person seemed to have difficulty, at times, finding things to say to me. My friend's response was that perhaps I'm too open about having an autistic child- implying that it puts people off. That this is what would make it hard for someone to find things to say to me.

I have gone round & round in my head- & out loud to Charlie- for a long time, about how to speak of autism & how it affects me & my family. I certainly don't want to be obnoxious, single-mindedly harping on the topic night & day- that just turns people off. I do my best to speak positively & respectfully about my son & my whole family, to retain our human dignity. Having been disabled in the past, I know that people prefer not to hear about difficult things. They are uncomfortable, they don't want to to have uncomfortable things brought to their attention. It's so much easier if we just stay invisible... I have tried being invisible- which is easier on some levels, but feels very much like pretending, like faking. I have tried saying as little as possible- waiting, say, until Brendan does something obviously "different" in public, & then being open to answering questions (as if anyone's brave enough to ask...). These approaches meet the needs of our society, to some extent, but they certainly don't meet the needs of my kid or my family! It just feeds the dominant paradigm of ignorance & cruelty by acting as if there's nothing different about my child or my family. It doesn't prepare society to meet us or accept us.

So, I talk openly about my autistic son & about being an autism family. I'm as proud of him & his accomplishments as any mom, & I don't see any of it as being "in spite of" his autism- sometimes, what makes me proud of him is a result of his autism, a result of who he uniquely is. Our family is different than many, too, & I think it's important to let others know about our journey. If I don't talk about us, how will anyone know that they know a family that lives with autism? How will they know that it's not just something that happens to other people? How will they learn our truth about autism- that it's possible to live with it & love someone with it & be proud of that person- & understand that there isn't just one way to think or feel about autism? How can we change the world if we hide?

I believe that we are doing nothing less than changing the world, by being who we are, loving each other for who we are, & telling the world about it. I know that I risk seeming like a "Johnny one-note" when it comes to autism, but it feels terribly important to me to prepare the way for the rest of Brendan's life by talking about difficult things now. As an autism parent, I feel like I'm on the front lines of a desperately important issue- how society is going to make room for my son as he grows up.

So, in the face of feedback that perhaps I'm too open about having a child with autism, the whole of my being says, NO WAY! This is as much a part of me as my need to create- to knit & weave & dye beautiful colours. (I wonder if I'd ever be told I'm too open about these things...) My child & my family are at the centre, the heart of my life. I speak often & lovingly of them. To a select few I also speak of the more difficult things, because I need support, as any parent does. As Charlie has pointed out, we had friends evapourate in the aftermath of Brendan's diagnosis, people who couldn't wrap their heads & hearts around us as an autism family. But we have many more friends who have stuck with us, & who are living proof that our openness about how autism affects our lives does not have to be a turn-off.

I'm wondering how other families deal with this sort of feedback when they hear it. What do you say? How do you feel? Let me know, please! It would be a help & a comfort to know how you're facing this, too. Thanks, friends!!

Lightsabre pics...

2008-02-10T14:41:00.000-05:00

... of Brendan, of course :)

Anyone who knows us knows who's most interested in actually playing around with the lightsabre (although he always asks me first :). I am having fun with it, too, but just having it gives me such a thrill... Brendan was the one to figure out how to evoke the "clashing" sound from it- I just get the swooping noises- because he wasn't too afraid of breaking it to bash it (gently) against the floor. Maybe the following picture will help explain why he's such a natural at this:

Brendan's had his first few fencing matches against his teacher (putting what he's been learning into practise) & after the first one he practically flew home in the car, he was so excited. :) They put on the jackets & go through the rituals of a real match (saluting, etc) & Brendan just loves it. Notice his best "Inigo Montoya" posture, with left arm behind his back. He checked this out with his teacher, who said it was fine (he's a "Princess Bride" fan, too :).

Brendan's slowly on the mend from the flu. Charlie's let it slip that he thinks there was a touch of pneumonia in there, too. Oy... no wonder he's still so peaky. We had a japanese lesson yesterday, but that was the only thing very demanding that he did. Today we stayed home from church but they're at the pool now, since Brendan was really psyched to go swimming. The toughest part of his recovery, other than the slowness, is that he's been having a lot of trouble with the OCD. The whole time he was sick he barely ticced, & there were no troublesome OCD thoughts at all. Now that he's partway well he's much more vulnerable than before- it seems as though he doesn't have the energy to keep them at bay. The most difficult time is during transitions- getting off the computer, leaving a room, finishing a meal. We stick right by him at those times & do our best to help him calm down quickly when the OCD hits. Hearing him scream with his already hoarse throat is awful... We've been giving him deep pressure, gently steering him physically from where he gets stuck, hugging him, & reading aloud to help. We are planning to send him back to school tomorrow (although it will probably be just for a half day), but I'm a bit worried that he won't have the energy to withstand tic triggers. The visit to the pool should let us know how that's going, though. And we'll just let his teachers know that I can pick him up any time.

It sure is good to have him getting well again, though. We've actually had a very nice time together while he's been home- he was really good company even when he was feeling his worst, & we watched a lot of fun movies together. But it's time for life to get back to what passes for normal at our house... :)

Fifty is fun...

2008-02-07T21:26:00.000-05:00

Yep, it is... I know because today was my 50th birthday. :)

It's been a surreal couple of weeks, starting 2 Saturdays ago when I was preparing for our regularly scheduled japanese lesson & a strange guy turned up in the kitchen. Charlie introduced him as the caterer & informed me that the regularly scheduled japanese lesson wouldn't be happening (although our teacher & her husband would be over later). Instead, we were going to have my surprise 50th birthday party! Poor Charlie had been trying to figure out a good date for a party in the face of uncertainty about when the minister search would take me away for nearly a full weekend at least twice in February, so he settled instead on the end of January as being a safe time. He kept the party small- about 20 people- so we could have it at home. He was very fortunate in his choice of date because the weather was gorgeous, for late January in the northeast US. He had invited friends from a nearby town & relatives from Canada to the party & they had not difficulty traveling at all. Amazing...

I spent the next hour, on surprise party day, in a state of disequilibrium, as all sorts of food, & then people, arrived at our house. Brendan's best friend & parents arrived, & he & E happily scampered upstairs to play. When the first of the out-of-towners arrived I cried- I just couldn't believe they were here! Then more arrived- my best friend Roo- & finally a cousin & my aunt from Ottawa, & I completely lost it at that point. I had thought my aunt, who has Alzheimers, would never visit us again (she was here last July) because she hadn't been doing very well, but she'd been on a new medicine for a few months & was not only well enough to travel, but recognised people & really seemed to be enjoying herself. It felt like a miracle. Charlie had the same caterers as when we were married (just over 19 years ago) & the food was just as good as I remembered :) There was champagne & sparkling juice for toasting, then we all munched, then had birthday cake, & I wandered around visiting with everyone. I was a little foggy, partly from crying & partly because I was coming down with bronchitis, but it was just lovely to see everyone! Charlie had asked that any gifts be tea-themed, & it was so much fun opening teacups & teapots, a tea ceremony set from our japanese teacher, fun teas... but the best part was just being with everyone. My husband sure knows what's important to me, & sure knows how to surprise me! (More on this later...)

The following week I never quite succumbed to bronchitis, thanks to a well-timed regular visit to my doctor, who put me on antibiotics & increased my asthma meds. Last weekend I was mostly away on church business, & when I got home Sunday afternoon I discovered that Brendan had visited the pediatrician that morning, rather than going to Sunday school... He'd complained of chills while Charlie was in choir practise & looked kind of ill, & when they got home he was running a fever. The way he was coughing (& by the appearance of what he was coughing up), it seemed as though he'd caught my bronchitis, so we started him on a z-pak (the antibiotic I take) Sunday afternoon. By Monday it was clear that he wasn't going to school, although the bronchitis was responding well to the antibiotic. By Monday afternoon Brendan's fever was way up (102.4!) & he was vomiting :( By Tuesday morning he didn't have bronchitis any more, he had the flu :( :( We kept him hydrated by sucking ice cubes & peppermint tea sweetened with agave nectar, & his cough responded well to Riccola herb & honey lozenges, just as mine had. We also supplemented the tylenol every 4 hours with linden & elder tincture I'd made a few years ago to use for fevers, & not only did he not object to taking it (the flavour's pretty mild) but we think it did help keep the fever under control. The computer in Brendan's room is set to play Japan's region dvd's, so we just cycled through all the Pokemon dvd's we bought last summer, which certainly added to the surreality of the day by providing a japanese dialogue to Brendan's being sick in bed. We were both pleased to discover that we understand even more now than we did last summer, & we'd happily repeat the bits of dialogue we understood to each other (when he wasn't sleeping, I'd sit & knit & watch with him).

Brendan still had a high fever on Wednesday, & a really sore throat, too. That day was Charlie's 45th birthday & he took the day off work (he sometimes works half days on Wednesdays, which is technically his day off), which was great because somebody had to pick up the birthday cake I'd ordered for him! He also bought some essentials like kleenex, riccolas, & peppermint tea at the grocery store. I had already given him his main birthday present- a new flat screen monitor for his home computer- but I'd also managed to make him a spare pair of gloves out of some hand-dyed silk & wool blend yarn & he liked them very much :) Brendan got up for a little while & even ate some birthday cake, but he spent most of the day in bed. I managed to take a nap in the afternoon, which made things much more cheerful- we'd been up really early (between 4 & 5 am) most mornings because Brendan woke up coughing & couldn't get back to sleep. I also had the bright idea to set my old laptop up in his room so he could watch dvd's other than the japanese ones & listen to music as well. Charlie & I also took turns reading "Hoot" out loud to him & he loved that.

Brendan had even more energy today & his fever finally went down below 99, which was a relief! There was a lovely box of chocolates that Brendan had picked out for me for my birthday sitting at my place at the table when we got downstairs for breakfast. After breakfast I got out stickers & cardstock & Brendan made birthday cards for Charlie (belated :) & Grammie (her birthday is next week). He had a lot of fun carefully choosing animal stickers & funny caption stickers to go with them, & writing out his birthday messages with sticker letters. Our dear friend Ros called to sing a happy birthday song (she called Charlie yesterday:). Brendan nearly fell asleep on the sofa before lunch, so I suggested he snuggle back into bed after lunch while I read to him (this time from the Newberry award book "Thief"). I was hoping he'd nap, because he'd been up at 2:30 am & never really went back to sleep :( He enjoyed the story, but didn't sleep. Grammie came by to see us (on her way back from the doctor- she's sick, too!), to bring Charlie a birthday pie, a gift for me, a new video for Brendan, & a copy of the newspaper with the cute ad she'd placed wishing me happy birthday (featuring a picture of me at age 3... :). Brendan watched a japanese dvd until mid-afternoon, when he was energetic enough to come downstairs & have a session playing on the computer. We agreed that afterwards we'd have popcorn & watch "Howl's Moving Castle" in japanese on the laptop, upstairs on his bed. It was pretty relaxing, although we had a visitor- a friend from school who stopped by for some of the tinctures I'd used for Brendan's fever because her son also has the flu. She told me that Brendan appears to have been one of the earliest cases of a flu outbreak at school, & that they have closed the school tomorrow because so many staff & students are sick!! Charlie & I are so glad to have gotten our flu shots (he because he sees so many sick people & me because of the asthma)... & we're going to make sure Brendan gets one next year, too! I also had a lovely phone call from Tomoko in Minnesota.

Wonderful Charlie picked up japanese take-out for dinner tonight & we had some champagne left over from my surprise party. I was not expecting any more presents- the party had been such a wonderful gift & I had Brendan's chocolates, but he announced that there were fun presents for after dinner. We waited until Brendan had one more computer session (he's really missed playing while he's been sick) to open them. Brendan's eyes were drooping (he'd been up for over 17 hours by this time) but he perked up when I opened my last prezzie from Charlie- I simply resumed crying when I realised what it was... my amazing & wonderful husband got me a lightsabre for my 50th birthday! It's a replica of Obi-Wan's from the most recent movies, & not only does it light up, but it makes the coolest noises that respond to the motions you make with the sabre. It is utterly awesome & I just can't believe it. I finally have a lightsabre!! See- 50 really is fun!

Tomorrow my neighbour is coming over so I can go grocery shopping- what a doll! I have not driven a car since last Saturday, I have not been out of the house since last Sunday. I am having trouble remembering what day of the week it is... but Brendan is on the mend & I can actually see him going back to school on Monday (we are hopeful that enough teachers will be well enough that they'll have school...). These past couple of weeks have made this a memorable (to put it mildly) birthday season. Charlie will take a picture of me with my lightsabre soon, so I'll post that as soon as I can :) (I'm trying to decide if I should wear my red hat in the picture, too- I'm entitled to now!) Before he got sick, Brendan & I had finished half of our first podcast, so we hope to have it finished & up pretty soon. Stay tuned!!

Conscious living...

2008-01-16T09:04:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, while driving home from an afterschool visit to Starbucks (a weekly treat for Brendan & myself) I had to hit the breaks because a driver in front of me was doing something funky. Brendan commented that he wished the driver would practise conscious driving... we skipped a beat & then burst out laughing. Brendan, giggling madly, asked me why what he'd said was so funny, so I asked him what the opposite of "conscious" is. We both had taken the mental leap to the idea that the driver had been driving "unconsciously" (therefore, asleep). (In restrospect, I think he meant "conscientious".) So, we came up with the slogan:

Conscious driving: it's not just a good idea, it's the law!!

Being a conscious parent (most of the time) as well as driver, I have noticed that we seem to be achieving a sense of equilibrium in the new year, at least where it concerns Brendan's new, heightened level of anxiety. We've been tracking his anxiety using a "tic log" & I just began a new one yesterday (I've been making little books out of a stack of computer paper cut in half & bound with crochet thread :), which caused me to reflect a bit on how he's been doing. The homework re-organisation has gone very well, & we're all less anxious because we know what to expect. Monday night was math, which meant that it was Charlie's night to coach & Brendan & I didn't have to rush right into homework after we got home (from a quick visit to the pediatrician to look at a rash & then a longer visit to the grocery store to fill a prescription & our tummies with sushi while we waited :). Last night he had language arts homework- my area of expertise- so I scribed his spanish homework for him, which made him very happy (& kept the anxiety level very low).

The anxiety lately has taken the form of an increase in "fleas" interfering with everything from dressing to homework to what activities he can do (when not on the computer). Although he's not been specific, the clothing issues seem to change from day to day, & sometimes it's colour that's the problem & sometimes it's the order in which they've been placed in the drawer. Some mornings he continually puts things back in the drawer & hauls others out. Others he needs me to put the shirt over his head because the "flea" is preventing him from finishing the job. I have learned that challenging him at these times does not improve things or lessen the anxiety, so I do what seems necessary- or what he asks me to do. Any time he can be pro-active & tell me what he needs is great, in my opinion, even if he needs me to dress him. (Note: being a self-conscious preteen, he always gets his undies on unsupervised & in private!) One of the biggest cognitive leaps we've noticed in Brendan is his growing ability to analyse what's going on & tell us what he needs. I am going to encourage this behaviour where ever I see it! Another way that we've been encouraging him to be pro-active is when he needs to yell or scream... he's been pretty good about warning us. We've been discouraging long screaming episodes, since they hurt his throat, & problem-solving other ways to get the feelings out. He's been pretty good about telling us when's about to get loud (particularly appreciated when I'm setting the laptop down or carrying food...) so that we aren't startled... We've also been trying to be aware of how sensory strategies can help him- everything from burning incense or spraying lavender scent to deep pressure can help, if we can just remember to offer (or he to ask...).

The hardest line to walk with Brendan's anxiety is to know how much to accomodate it & how much to challenge it. What I'm learning is that sometimes we need to go with his flow, to keep the anxiety from increasing, to keep things moving (in the morning before school in particular). When his anxiety is lower, then we can revisit things, brainstorm alternatives, point out ways he can be pro-active, look for what's causing the anxiety... The risk is that he'll become anxious discussing these things, but he also responds well to being consulted & treated like the intelligent person that he is. An interesting fallout of recent dances with anxiety is that he's been able to go back to playing some computer games that were a bit too challenging & frustrating for him when he first got them last month. We made a deal with him that he could play them if he self-monitored for increased frustration, or if he would listen to us if we pointed out that he seemed to be getting upset. I had to do just that last night & I was so pleased when he realised what he was feeling & de-escalated things on his own. Whew!! Hooray!!!

Brendan & I are also in the early planning stages of a new & exciting project. I took my precious savings & bought a new macbook a few weeks ago, mainly because my nearly 3-year-old laptop's hard drive was maxxed-out & really slow, & with the help of a friend (thanks Lee!) got it all set up very quickly. This new laptop came with the newest version of Garageband, which means that Brendan & I can now create our own podcasts :) The idea hit me a couple of nights ago, in the shower (of course), & when I proposed it to Brendan yesterday morning he just lit up... because, as he puts it, his greatest talent is talking... :) We have another friend, Santosha, on board to help us figure out how to actually create podcasts (this is the friend who interviewed me a year ago for the UU radio show). Then I'll need to figure out how to get the podcasts on the internet... but anyway, we are on our way to creating a venue for Brendan to talk about himself & autism (& OCD, & Tourettes... :) and how he thinks & feels about lots of things. We are really psyched. He wants to read some of his stories & sing his parody songs, too (the latest is called "Lucy in the Sky with Daggers"...). I am pretty excited about finally finding a way to get my kid's own perspective onto the 'net. It'll probably take us a month or so to get it up & working, so stay tuned... :)

Belated Happy New Year!

2008-01-09T08:39:00.000-05:00

Wellllll.... I guess "blog bytes" didn't work as well as I'd hoped. There's no way of getting around being too busy to think, I guess, no matter how many tricks I try...

In retrospect, I think we did more than just survive the holidays, this year, which is a very good thing! We went into the season (beginning early in December with Hanukkah) knowing that there was a lot on our plates: mummers play at church, Brendan's annual holiday gift project, the usual preparations (wrapping, decorating, cooking), gifts for teachers, getting ready for New Years, spending time with friends & family, & a particularly busy patch with the minister search I'm involved in at church... and we did it all & had fun, too! We have evolved, over the years, ways to help minimise Brendan's anxiety at holiday time (for example, he gets to choose which big lego set he gets for Christmas) & it was particularly helpful this year because he had a precipitous rise in anxiety a couple of weeks before Christmas (not related to anything that anyone can identify). It was one of those (rare) occasions when his fears become so intense that he hurts himself & we wonder if we're going to be able to keep him safe. We had taken him off clonapin last October because he was doing so well, anxiety-wise, but we still had some in the house, & Brendan was sufficiently aware of himself that he agreed readily to take one when we suggested it might help, & it did help. He ended-up with just some broken capillaries in his eye (just...) & we were fortunate to be able to see his psychiatrist the next day. He suggested that we continue with the clonapin through the holidays, to take the edge off & help Brendan weather this new, higher level of anxiety, & then we could re-evaluate in January. I had started a "tic-log" at Brendan's psychologist's recommendation, since we'd noticed that anxiety-related tics had been getting more frequent, & we're hoping that we'll see some sort of pattern to guide us... The biggest concerns are whether this is a "blip" or a sign that Brendan's pre-adolescent body changes are making the medications work differently. Brendan & Charlie & I have discussed these possibilities a few times in the past few weeks, laying groundwork for any changes that we may need to make as he gets older. One of the most amazing things about where Brendan is at developmentally is that he can now tell us what's going on internally when he has severe anxiety, & identify what helps & what doesn't. He's made us aware that giving deep pressure can help when he's particularly anxious & has actually been requesting deep pressure (usually by pressing down firmly on his shoulders when he's standing or sitting) when he's feeling increased anxiety. It's made us aware that his sensory needs seem to be increasing as he gets older, so we've been talking to "the team" (psychologist, OT...) about what we can do. One night last week he seemed headed for meltdown again at bed time & Charlie hauled the foof chair (like a beanbag chair) into his room & plopped it on him, which not only made him laugh (the thing is really big... like his old ball blanket on steroids :) but relaxed him almost immediately. (We took it off after he fell asleep...) We really are in a new phase- Brendan as an individual & us as a family. He's even more a member of his team, & we are deeply glad to have his insights into himself to guide us.

Highlights of the holidays:

The mummers play at church- although the main rehearsal was cancelled due to a snow storm- went very well. Brendan played a shooting star :) He was wonderful. He managed to make the shooting star funny & touching without saying a word.

His holiday gift project (which I talk about in this post in Jedi Workshop ) was a big hit with his recipients & with him. He made his own style of "omamori", which are Japanese-style good-luck charms. Brendan chose the beads & made them almost entirely himself. He found the activity calming & satisfying. He would sit with the finished "omamori" in his hand, thinking good thoughts about who it was intended for, & it really grounded him.

Christmas was a lot of fun. Brendan prepared Rufus' stocking on Christmas Eve & had a great time sharing it with Rufe the next morning :) He thoughtfully put a banana, an orange, & some grapes into it (good for mole rats :) We had our annual Christmas tea & happily depended on others to bring or provide (a few of Charlie's patients always give us cookies) a lot of the food. We had a fun cookie-baking day right after Brendan was out of school & invited our friend, Alden (music director at our church & college student), to bake with us, so we did have some of the necessary traditional family delicacies on hand. There were 10 of us for tea, although Brendan did his usual parallel-play version, happily roaring around in the kitchen with his Christmas lego (its 1000-plus pieces already put-together by our lego-maniac) while we had tea in the next room.

The picture at the top is of this year's "osechi ryouri" which is New Year's Food, Japanese-style. We celebrated Japanese New Year last year, too, so we upped the ante by cooking more food & actually filling all 3 layers of the "jubako" box (unlike last year, where we only were able to fill 2...). Our first Japanese teacher, Tomoko, who is now in graduate school in Minnesota, was here for the holidays & mentored me through the cooking process as she did last year. Her mom, Nobukosan, whom we stayed with for a week last summer during our visit to Japan, sent us a box of the important things you can only get in Japan :) We called her by internet phone on New Year's Eve, too (it was already tomorrow for her), which was so exciting that most of my Japanese went right out of my head & I could only keep repeating "akemashite omedetou!" (Happy New Year!). Brendan did much better, speaking in full sentences, much to everyone's delight (& my envy...). I had such a great time cooking & chatting with Tomoko- it felt like I was absorbing her presence as much as I could because I've missed her so much! We have been so lucky to find a wonderful teacher to take over for Tomoko, Shizuka, & it was great fun to share the New Year's celebration with she & her husband, too. Grammie joined us as well & we played all sorts of games after eating the "osechi", "ozoni" (traditional soup), & obligatory "mochi" (sticky rice paste). Brendan enjoyed the games & friends, but decided that his "osechi" this year would be ramen... :)

So... now we're navigating post-holiday, back-to-school, back to regular life. Brendan's anxiety has risen again & we're presently sorting out how to help him manage increased homework demands which are making home life rather miserable these days. He's stuck between feeling like he has to do it (what will people think if he can't? what does that mean about him?) & needing the downtime at home to recover from just being at school. We've been taking the tack of reminding him that his needs as a person on the spectrum don't necessarily change just because the demands of school are changing, & then repeating this message clearly at school. Sigh. We are lucky to have a gem of a school for Brendan, but things do fall between the cracks sometimes... It's clear that Brendan is struggling with wanting to be independent & yet needing our help & input still. We are trying to figure out how to help him without taking away his independence- this is no doubt the tip of the iceberg when it comes to dealing with the adolescent Brendan that is appearing before our eyes. I am caught between amazement & awe at the person I see unfolding before me, & utter frustration as half or more of what I say to him is misunderstood... We both decided yesterday that we're not easy people to live with & are not sure how dad/Charlie manages to live with us. Probably because he loves us :)

Blog byte #1...

2007-11-27T11:30:00.000-05:00

Thanks so much to you patient souls who have continuted to read & comment in this blog! I have had so little time & energy for writing lately, but have been slowly finding the inclination (&, really, the need) to continue to write & update. So I've decided to think of updating as "blog bytes" rather than blog entries, in order to fool myself into thinking that it won't take as much time as it usually does... it's all in how we think, isn't it? Here's hoping my mental chicanery works!

I really appreciated the comments on Brendan's poem :) One thing I wanted to note is that the kids wrote their poems based on a template (a format & questions to respond to) that their teacher provided, which is why there are refrain-ish bits. The choice as to the refrain was Brendan's, of course. His teacher explained that the template helps the kids to organise their thoughts & also brought out some really deep ideas from all of the kids... I thought it was much more effective than saying "write a poem about "blah blah".

Life is still moving a bit faster than I can keep up with, but I'm managing to enjoy it (most of the time) anyhow :) This was our year to go visit Charlie's parents for Thanksgiving (about 5 hours by car) but in light of the not-so-cordial relations between me & them these days we decided to stay here for the holiday & have Charlie & Brendan take a "road trip" Friday afternoon to Sunday to see them. So we had a smallish (for us) 10 friends & family for Tgiving dinner. This year we decided to have everything but the turkey, which really worked well! (Brendan cannot bear having meat in the house- he calls it "desecration"- or being around meat being cooked or eaten because it's harmful to the animals.) I made roasted vegetables as a main course, plus a quorn (veggie) roast (not Charlie's fave, but I love it & it was well-received by some) & Brendan's favourite- mashed potatoes. Brendan had seen "Rattatouille" courtesy of Grammie right before Tgiving & was very excited about helping us cook- yay! He & Charlie peeled & chopped most of the veggies for roasting & mashing, which was a huge help. Everyone else brought side dishes & pies for the meal, & we all had that overly-full sensation you're supposed to have after Thanksgiving, even without the turkey (& even though I forgot the cranberry sauce...). My brother came with his 2 oldest sons, so Brendan even had cousins to hang with, which he really enjoyed. Afterward we sat around & played (or watched- I was pretty tired by that time) games & it was just a lot of fun.

Charlie worked Friday morning & then he & Brendan took off in the car for their trip. Brendan finally twigged (on Wednesday) to the fact that I wasn't going with them & asked why. Charlie & I gave a brief explanation (that his grandparents were having some trouble getting along with me these days) & we kept it light, & Brendan accepted it. He loves spending "guy time" with Charlie, & he also loves being in the car. When I asked him why, he said that he likes riding & listening to tapes & eating snacks :) Charlie & I also think that it's a safe, secure, & predictable environment, which also makes it very comfortable for him. I was having some anxiety before they left, which Charlie very sweetly acknowledged with lots of hugs. Last time they were away I ended-up talking Brendan down from an anxiety attack by phone & it was really upsetting not to be able to be with him & hug him... We weren't quite so concerned this time, since this trip wasn't quite as intense as driving for 3 days to pick up the new boat (their previous road trip, in September), but I was still worried. I knew that Charlie was up to the task of single-parenting Brendan, but couldn't avoid feeling a bit guilty leaving him to do it on his own. Fortunately, I had planned some big projects for the weekend, so I got to work as soon as they left & it really left little time for worrying. I had decided to run some more dye pots- an extension of my summer experiments with shibori-style resist dyeing of yarn using natural dyes- plus do some more tie-dyeing for holiday presents.

So other than a church meeting/dinner Friday evening & japanese lesson Saturday morning (& church on Sunday) I spent nearly all of my time prepping, tieing, dyeing, untieing, rinsing... you get the idea. Tie-dyeing takes 3 days, so it was perfect for my 3 days on my own. The colours are such a gift- there is nothing like untieing brightly dyed cloths or skeins of yarn. I also was smart & brought my laptop upstairs in the evenings, so that I could sit in bed & watch anime & stuff until I was tired. It really helped me to avoid the night-time heebie-jeebies this time...

They got home just fine on Sunday afternoon, having had a nice trip. Brendan was very happy to be home, to his computer & his legos (& to me, he was very clear about that :). We had a honeymoon few hours & then the transition anxiety set in. By bed time he was hoarse from screaming at "fleas" (what he calls his OCD thoughts these days) & we were exhausted from trying to get him calm & comfortable enough to sleep. He finally was able to concentrate on listening to the Harry Potter book on tape they'd begun in the car (HBP- Stephen Fry version), but didn't fall asleep until nearly an hour past his usual bed time. It was one of those nights that leaves me feeling like an inadequate parent, for sure... But it also made me realise that so much of our relationship with Brendan these days is changing. He's fully into pre-adolescence, which means that he's developmentally, appropriately beginning to start doing some of the things we've been doing for him- but he's not nearly ready to fully take the ball & run with it. It leaves lots of gaps, lots of frustration for all, lots of feelings of inadequacy for all... it's also a real opportunity to meet & greet the emerging, neo-adult Brendan. I really like this unfolding person! He's got a great sense of humour, & when he's not feeling overwhelmed by life he's witty, thoughtful, creative... I just need to remember these things when he's in the midst of a crisis :) Monday morning the "fleas" started in at 6:30 am & kept up all day, making school difficult. He could barely get things into his locker, he was feeling so attacked by the "fleas", & he kept either screaming or freezing up, unable to move. He told me that he was just too tired to try focusing on something other than the upsetting thoughts, which made me sad, but I also reminded him that practicing is absolutely key to learning how to focus, & that we need to start daily practising. I spoke to his teachers that morning & they were prepared to give him loads of space, which really helped. When he wearily got in the car after school he asked if we could go somewhere for coffee, & I said sure, as long as he thought the "fleas" were sufficiently under control (& wouldn't bother him too much while in a new, unfamiliar place) & he said yes, so we went to Starbucks & had lattes & shared a goodie. It was so much fun :) We talked anime & spoke japanese to each other. I could tell Brendan felt very grown-up doing this & he was really at his best- because he was feeling grown-up. It was a nice way to finish a trying school day & he had little trouble with "fleas" until nearly bed time. Charlie decided that if Brendan needed to yell them out, then that's what they'd do, so they called down the stairs to me to "plug your ears, mom" & Brendan just yelled until the fleas flew... He took a bit longer to fall asleep again, but not nearly as long as the night before... & he even managed to his homework beforehand!

This morning Brendan told me that maybe we should practise together at least 5 minutes a day, to help him learn to intensely focus on something other than the OCD thoughts. I agreed with this plan, & also recommended we do some more "ki" work, so that he can use his "ki" to protect himself. This was something his OT suggested, & she showed me a tai chi technique to use with him to help him do this. We tried it this morning when when he got stuck by a "flea" in his room & it really helped. He seemed a lot less vulnerable this morning, too, & more businesslike about the OCD thoughts. During brreakfast he was actually telling them off- saying that they weren't worth his energy! I heartily agreed... :) He seemed much more together & powerful when we got to school this morning, which was a delight.

Soooo- so much for "blog lite" huh? There is so much more to tell of our very full lives these days, but I've got to get going. I'll be back as soon as I can. Thanks again, friends, for your support!!

A poem by Brendan...

2007-10-25T11:39:00.000-04:00

This is what Brendan wrote for this year's curriculum night (open house) at school. We were blown-away when we read it... Our kid digs so deeply when he writes! I am so, so glad that we have made every attempt to make writing easy for him, by not trying to force him to rely on any one way to communicate, or insisting that his handwriting be legible, or trying to teach him cursive writing when all the other kids were doing it. Brendan has been typing, using scribes, & now vioce-activated software, since he was in 3rd grade. The result is a kid who has found his writer's "voice" already (at the age of 11!) and who responds positively to the writing challenges presented by his 6th-grade teacher.

Lately they've been concentrating on "pursuasive writing" & last evening's homework assignment was to imagine you're a pumpkin & try to pursuade someone not to buy you for Halloween. Brendan has been preferring to do homework with Charlie recently, with Charlie as scribe or with them taking turns writing. The giggling that drifted down the stairs yesterday afternoon was infectious. The kids were asked to use "juicy" words in this assignment, & Brendan's were, quite literally, juicy :) His description of his pumpkin insides were so disgusting that I was definitely pursuaded (not to buy!). How lovely to have a kid who loves language & writing so much! The bonuses of not having pushed any particular form of writing on him have been that not only does he find hand-writing coming more fluently these days, but that he pushes himself to do better without relying on anyone else to push him.

All in all, I learned an awful lot about my kid from reading this poem... and it's very good to see him from his point of view for a change!

Moving back into the groove...

2007-10-16T15:23:00.000-04:00

Hi All...

Sorry for such a long hiatus! We really are doing well, & I'll elabourate further in a moment... Things just became busier than they've been in a long, long time, hence the blogging break. Right before we left for Japan (last June) I agreed to be on the search team at my church that is going through the process of finding a new minister, ours having left in May to become an army chaplain. The way we Unitarian Universalists do things is to find & call ministers ourselves, the process being facilitated by the denomination with guidelines & an online matching service. I've been a member of my church for nearly 30 years & have observed this process 3 times before, but never been in a life stage where I could participate actively, so I'm really psyched to finally be part of it. It's intense, though. Like having a part-time job... I'm actually anticipating an imminent OS upgrade (like, this evening, I hope...) so that I can use iworks (which I plan to purchase tomorrow) to create & publish the packet we'll be sending to prospective ministers- that's my main responsibility right now (nothing big- ha, ha, ha)... outside of my other church & school activities &, of course, being Jedi mom to Brendan :)

Ahhhh, Brendan! He grew 1 1/2 inches over the summer!!! He's also grown internally in so many ways that are not visible, but are truly wonderful. The school year's gotten off to a great start. He's now one of the 6th graders in his mixed 5th & 6th grade class, & is taking his responsibilty for being one of the "big kids" very seriously. The anxiety management that he learned while in Japan & over the summer have led to a much calmer Brendan, & when the "fleas" do "attack" he can explain them clearly & often requires no intervention in handling them- not even a kekkai (ki) barrier. It's amazing to see him doing it on his own... We've been able to talk through many of his long-time tic-triggers & he's finding creative ways of managing them, such a using imagery, burning incense (we light it for him) to "smudge" the thoughts away, or just burying himself in a book for a while. He's been reading voraciously we've been enjoying discussing the books with him so much! He's worked his way through all of the Charlie Bone books published to date (6 so far) & is on the second of Rick Riordan's series about demi-god kids (it starts with "The Lightning Thief"). I've been pre-reading them so I can really discuss them with him, & enjoying them all very much myself. I also decided to allow him to start reading the manga "Naruto", which was a bit borderline in terms of violence (but no worse than anything you'd see in the LoTR movies- which Brendan has not seen- or even in InuYasha) but is a manga I've been enjoying for a while. I'm so glad I decided to allow him to read Naruto! The basic story is about kids who are training to be ninjas, the protectors of their village & country, & the main character, Naruto, has a very powerful demon sealed within him- a good metaphor for adolescence if there ever was one :) One of the things I like about the story is that the values- looking out for others, finding family in unlikely places, doing your best no matter what- are consistent with my own, & through the manga Brendan is getting these values from yet another source. Also, we've had some interesting discussions about lots of things brought up in the manga, about stereotypes & how they play around with them in Naruto (one of the most powerful ninjas around looks rather like a bimbo...), about how people in the manga feel about fighting (there's quite a lot of ambivalence), about how you can tell how they're feeling by looking at their faces... which is one reason we've been concentrating on reading the manga rather than watching the anime, since the illustrations are static & more easily interpreted by my aspie boy :) One of our more interesting conversations occurred because he was consistantly referring to male characters with long hair as "she"... turns out that he didn't know where to look in order to figure out the gender of the characters, so we talked about the general physical differences between men & women, & how they usually show up in illustrations. A great "teaching moment" :) It probably goes without saying that Brendan will be a ninja for Halloween- he chose the fabric & approved the pattern, so I just have to make it (this week, I fervently hope...).

The bottom line these days is that I have a wholly different kid on my hands! He's clearly moving into adolescence, & doing a fairly graceful job of it (at the moment, at least :). He & Charlie have been spending more & more time together, too, doing dad & son stuff... Brendan re-discovered his interest in sailing about mid-August & took over crewing for Charlie for Sunday racing, even helping him go on to win the summer series. He was dad's only crew for the fall series & they won that one, too :) For the first few weeks of sailing I was having to go down to the club about the time they'd be coming into shore to help "catch" the boat & hold it while Charlie took down the sails & stuff. Brendan just wasn't strong enough to do it... but after about 3 weeks Charlie decided that Brendan could do it- & he did! His hand & arm strength has increased quite a bit & even though he's gotten banged-up a few times (which is just what happens when you race a sailboat, I can testify!) he's hung-in there with it & really enjoys not only the sailing but chatting with the other sailors before & after races. Pretty neat...

I hope to start posting more often, now that we've settled into a routine & I'm getting used to the stress of having the church work on top of the mom work (& figuring out where the Jedi work fits into it all... :). I have started meditating again regularly, which has been a huge help... Mostly it's Brendan's moving to "the next level" that's making life so much fun these days, in spite of the stress. We are getting such a kick out of his insights & his excitement with his accomplishments. Life is very full- I look forward to continuing to share it!

Brain freeze...

2007-08-14T12:57:00.000-04:00

If you're Kim Possible's Rufus the Naked Mole Rat (seen above with a real NMR at the National Zoo), brain freeze is due to chugging super-large colas on the fly. Although I have been known to accomplish the same thing with fresh-from-the-fridge soy milk, my current brain freeze is due to multiple factors. The result is that I haven't felt much like writing for a couple weeks... :(

Brain freeze cause #1 was transitioning from Japan back to home. I never before realised that speaking (imperfectly at best) a different language for 3 weeks actually reconditions the brain (or, at least, my 49-year-old brain), so that it took over a week for me to remember to speak english to people outside my family, & then caused my brain's language-central to kind of shut down for a while. I'm better now :) Brendan didn't seem to have this difficulty, but he wasn't trying to talk as much as I was, & he's 11, for goodness sake (flexible brain). We've started japanese lessons again with our new teacher, Shizuka, & it's going really well. For the first couple of lessons I was still in brain freeze, but Shizuka was very patient & slowly she got an idea of what we knew & where we wanted to go. The part of the lesson with Brendan is mainly playing games (in japanese, of course) & reading some of the kids' books we bought in Japan, which he's enjoying. She's witnessed one meltdown (one of only 2 since we got home from Japan, & not at all related to our lesson) & it didn't faze her a bit. Hooray! :) It's really good to get back to it & also to chat about things we saw & learned in Japan, getting more understanding & insight into Japanese culture. I'm going to ask her to help me write an email to Nobuko-san soon, too (Tomoko's mom, whom we stayed with for part of our trip) since I'd love to see how she's doing & thank her again for all she did for us.

Brain freeze cause number 2 is more personal, & the main reason (I think) that I haven't been able to write. Some long-time misunderstandings between myself & Charlie's family have come to a critical point in the past few months & I've been doing a great deal of "work" on this stuff with my therapist. Sigh. There's no real win-win in the situation I'm in, so I've really been stretching myself to figure out how to make things livable, & to minimise the effects on my husband & kid. Charlie's been supportive & patient, & is the main reason I'm still sane. Dealing with this has sapped a lot of my energy & so Brendan's borne the brunt of a lot of this in the form of lack of patience & understanding, but things are getting back to normal & we all seem to be intact. Whew.

Brain freeze causation #3 is more elusive, but appears to be a lack of creative direction that has had me pretty miserable. Before we left for Japan I finished up a lot of projects- left few things unfinished, few threads hanging. Not good. There wasn't anything to just dive into when I got home, to rev-up the creative juices. To be honest, for the first few weeks I was just too tired & disoriented to do much, which always makes me very uncomfortable. I am never comfortable when I don't have lots of projects to do, lots of pots boiling, so to speak. On top of this, with my low-energy state of being, it's been really easy to let go of the usual summer projects that Brendan & I do together. He's been having a blast with "Camp Ck" on Tuesdays & Thursdays, & the other days of the week have been full of appointments & other busy stuff. We've talked about doing some things, but I just haven't had the energy to push it. Finally, though, I seem to be finding direction. At the indigo workshop we visited in Kyoto I found inspiration to try some new things with natural dyes, & for the past week or so I've been starting the process of exploring some of that inspiration. I got my natural dye book out & discovered some dye plants I never tried to use before that grow in my own yard (birch leaves & bark! coreopsis! elder leaves!) so I've widened my scope & now the house is full of yarn (& silk scarves!) in various stages of the dyeing process & the freezer is full of dye plants waiting for the pot. My next-door neighbour has been sharing plants from her yard, too, & it's been really fun to share my ideas with her. It's really nice to have the creative spark back. It's also given me the energy to begin the yearly project of knitting 6 pairs of socks for Brendan- woolies for the winter. Last year we reached the milestone of Brendan's socks being the same size as mine (& I didn't have to knit all 6 pairs, since I could give him a couple of mine, too :). This year his feet are between my & Charlie's sizes- it boggles my mind. I'm nearly done with 3 pair, & hope to finish the job before it becomes a "job", if you know what I mean :)

One of the reasons I'm happiest to be recovering from brain freeze is that I'm getting my energy back for Brendan. His work on the OCD anxiety has been so dynamic this summer that I need to be on my toes & ready for the times he needs some facilitation. It's awesome to observe & participate in this work of his. (Yeah, it's sometimes annoying too- like when he yells "fleas" in a panic, from another room, & I think he's yelling "please!" & have no clue what he's talking about/asking for... sigh.) We've started talking about the return to school & how to manage things that were at the top of his anxiety list at the end of 5th grade. He's now much more receptive to thinking about his human "fleas" (what he calls the OCD thoughts these days) as human beings with feelings, & let his own feelings of compassion balance the "fleas" he has about them. We've been talking about different ways to set "ki" barriers & the different ways he can protect himself from anxiety attacks, like carrying "omamori" (Japanese-style good luck charms), burning incense to purify "flea"-infested things, & shoring-up his energies so that he's not as vulnerable. We've talked about making our own omamori by sewing little pouches & putting crystals & herbs in them. I'm finding a strong sensory component in many of the things that are helping him- smell & touch helps him feel more secure, so we've been talking about that, too. His ability to analyse his anxiety is amazing these days. It's a lot more fun/interesting for me to be a partner in this enterprise, rather than the one seeking & providing what help I can. The flip side to the new maturity is that we're getting some "teen attitude", too. He can be really touchy if I appear skeptical of things he says, or doubt his judgement. We've always sorted things out afterwards, but I know this is just the tip of the adolescent iceberg. I've explained to him that questioning his judgement is just plain going to happen, given that he's still growing & learning what he needs to make good judgements. I have shared some indelible childhood moments of my own where bad judgement wreaked havoc, but have also explained to him that it's a natural part of his growing to resent my trying to intervene/protect him. I hope as long as we can maintain respect for each other we'll be able to get past the resentments to come...

So... that's where we are right now. Not quite ready for school (I don't even know what day he starts- we've got a few more weeks!), but definitely in end-of-summer mode. We've been enjoying japanese food (home-cooked & at our fave restaurant) & have found we can practise what we learned in Japan with some of the waitresses :) & getting to know our new japanese teacher. I finally found a positive way to encourage Brendan to practice the Dragon voice-activated software this summer, by allowing him to earn bionicles for time spent Dragoning... so he's been emailing grandparents & writing poems & stories, & 6 Toa Mahri later is defiinitely more proficient with the software (yay!). He was also psyched when I mentioned that the school district will be giving him a laptop with Dragon on it to use at school this year, which encouraged the practising, too :) We've been walking around the block every morning & after he finished "Deathly Hallows" he developed an interest in collecting wood from different trees to make wands, so we got out the tree identifier (& our neighbour very kindly gave him a lovely tree book) & found twigs from 8 different varieties of tree on just one circle around the block! He's in the process of stripping, sanding, & tung-oiling the wands. Brendan got the chance to spend time with his best buddy yesterday, too, (& just as importantly, I got to spend chat-time with his mom & dad :) & that was just lovely. Tomorrow I hope we'll begin the omamori-making. Should be interesting... :)

'Nuff said... :)

2007-07-23T14:53:00.000-04:00

HP & B: how Harry Potter changed our lives...

2007-07-21T11:05:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Joey's Mom it occurred to me that today is a great day for this post- it's been cooking for a long time, but just hadn't happened.

When I say "changed our lives" I mean it in a tangible, literal way- not just metaphorically. Our family would not have been the family it is without HP... & Brendan wouldn't have his IRA either :)

I discovered Harry when Brendan was a baby. I have been a kid-lit afficianado since- well, since I was a kid, so when a long-forgotten friend (thank-you, whoever you are!) recommended "Sorcerer's Stone" I was happy to try it. I picked up the next 2 in the series the next day, that's how hooked I was :) I remember that my next 2 dilemmas were: how old does Brendan have to be before I can read it to him, & when was book 4 coming out? Book 4 came out before Brendan was old enough to share the books with him (summer of 2000), but a little over a year later, when he was 5 1/2, Charlie & I decided to take the plunge. Brendan was in kindergarten & had a sophisticated conversational ability, so we were sure he could let us know if the book got too scary for him. We began reading it aloud in the car on the way to Pittsburgh for a Thanskgiving holiday with Charlie's family, made memorable by sufficient dysfunction that I spent a lot of time in a hotel room reading HP to Brendan. Bittersweet, for sure. It was a great distraction, though. I read the very last line of the book as we turned into our street on the way home. Brendan had loved it & was eager for more...

That very same fall was Brendan's first as an identified "special needs" kid, with an indeterminate diagnosis (some thought he had CP, due to his severe developmental delays) & a very busy schedule of OT, PT, & visual-perceptual therapy. It was our first year "in the system", learning to advocate for our kid, dealing with IEP's & service providers & school districts. Our bewilderment was akin to Harry's first year at Hogwarts, as were our challenges. It was also the fall of 9/11 & all of the world-changes that brought. Somehow, Harry helped us cope. In fact, the very first book Brendan wanted to read, with his newly-forming binocular skills, was "Sorcerer's Stone", although he gave it up eventually, since he really didn't yet have the ability to focus or track words on a page. But it was so heartening to see him finally want to read...

The second book, "Chamber of Secrets", ramps up the action & scariness, but we decided to go for it anyway, with the precaution that it we could read it any time but before-bedtime :) I remember experiencing the basilisk chapters with Brendan held tightly on my lap with Charlie reading to us, because Brendan was scared but he really wanted to know what happened... I also learned the value of a bit of quick editing as I read (particularly when we got to book 3 & the Dementors), to tone-down the intensity a bit for nearly-6-year-old Brendan. Eventually I got all of the books on tape & Brendan would listen intently to them (this was a few years on, when we weren't afraid of his getting too freaked out by the scary bits) for hours on end.

Fast-forward to 2003- Brendan was 7 years old, & "Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix" was released that summer. After dithering a lot 3 years earlier when book 4 was released, not wanting to stand in lines at midnight (Potter-mania had finally hit), thinking I was a "big girl" & could wait a day or 2 before getting it, then finding all the local bookstores sold out for days after (I found my copy in a "Linens & Things" store, of all places), I did the Amazon pre-order thing & had the book delivered by mail (which is what we've done ever since). Brendan & Charlie kindly entertained his parents, who were in town visiting, while I snuck away & read as much as I could. I finally finished it at some un-godly hour of the morning, & then Charlie had his turn- we decided that the book was a bit intense for Brendan at that point, so asked him to wait another year to read it. By that time I had discovered Mugglenet & was happily experiencing all of the Potter-excitement online as well.

I had never before participated in any online discussions of the books, although I was intrigued by the idea, when I read notice of a new, Mugglenet-supported discussion site called "New Clues to Harry Potter Book 5", based on a book of the same name by Galadriel Waters. The forums started-up in mid-November & I found them interesting (I loved people's sign-in names- so creative!), but I lurked exclusively for quite a while, it being too close to the holidays for me to have the time to participate. In early January of 2004 I took the plunge, although the most difficult part was figuring out my own sign-in name! I finally settled on the name Brendan had given me for Halloween that year, when he was Qui Gon (as a padawan learner) & I dressed-up as his Jedi master: Jedi Elgee (my initials are "LG"). I really enjoyed participating in the forums, particularly the insight & intelligence of some of the other regular posters. I found myself really thinking about the books & themes in them, & shared these thoughts with Charlie & Brendan, who helped me find even more ideas & insights. Nearly 2 months into my participation in the "New Clues" forums I was utterly amazed to be contacted by a site administrator (known to all as "elf") & asked to be a moderator. Yikes!! It required 2 OS upgrades for my mac to actually do it, since I needed MSN instant messaging to communicate with the other mods & admins. Mugglenet web-wizard Damon vetted me through all this (in one long night- I was downloading the upgrades via dial-up! It took hours!!) & I officially became a mod on February 29th, 2004 (the day that doesn't exist... :). (Also, the same day as one of my future mod-friends, ridgeback, became a member of the forums- hi rb!!). I was one of the second wave of mods for the forums & at times if felt as though I was riding the ebb tide of retiring mods, pulling me backwards, because it was hard at first to know who to contact if I was having difficulty as some didn't want to give me the time of day, but I persevered & found an amazing core group of hard-working, brilliant online friends. I do mean brilliant- these folks were thinkers, & on slow modding nights we'd share our own theories & discuss them (I got really good at coping with real-time, multi-person typed conversations, too :). Other than being brilliant (& a bit obsessed), the other amazing things about my fellow mods was that they were predominantly female (I was expecting just the opposite) &, drumroll please, they were predominantly in their 30's & 40's, a bunch of them being in their mid-40's like me. Such a revelation... Those creative sign-in names were hiding a lot :) One of my fellow-mods was a double PhD in physics & chemistry (& a mid-40's mom with 2 kids :). Others were writers, students, retired folks, new parents :) We were also an amazingly international bunch, with mods from the Netherlands, India, Canada, & South America. I learned a great deal about the world just sitting at my computer :) Brendan would sit with me while I chatted online with a friend in the Netherlands who was studying physics at university & have conversations with her about string theory... Oh, & the dial-up finally gave way to dsl when Charlie realised that I couldn't mod during the day (for fear of missing a call from school about Brendan) & encouraged me to look into something faster & more convenient.

Many of the online forums discussions became dinner-time discussions at our house. Brendan was incredibly proud of my being asked to be a mod (he now wears the Mugglenet t-shirt, sent to me when I became a mod) & couldn't wait to hear about the latest forums hijinks. In March of 2005 JK Rowling did an online chat on World Book Day & we had a forum discussing the answers to questions that were sent to her that day. One of the questions was "What is Snape's Patronus?", to which she replied that she couldn't answer that, since it was important to the future story (& we will likely find out today, after reading book7!). This question caught Brendan's interest, & he decided that Snape's Patronus must be a Dementor. I posted his idea in the forum, & the site admins loved this idea so much that they made Brendan an official mascot of the forums, naming him "The Crookshank" & sending him a certificate entitling him to participate in the forums whenever he wanted (as long as I was with him, there being an age-limit of 13 for participation in Mugglenet sites). He was soooo happy to have this recognition of his idea (& we were pretty tickled, too :).

The spring of 2004 was also when Brendan began to develop the OCD, with increasing anxiety & dysfunction. He'd had his autism diagnosis for nearly 2 years & it never occurred to us that he'd ever have more than that, or that he'd add a few more diagnoses to the mix... As I became more & more worried & stressed-out about Brendan, the forums provided a welcome distraction, & my online friends provided much-needed support. As I shared, slowly, tentatively, that Brendan was autistic & had developed severe OCD, I heard about their children born with chronic heart problems, relatives & personal experiences with anxiety. It was comforting & empowering. People I had never seen (&, to this date, we've only ever met one of our online friends face-to-face, although we've exchanged presents & holiday cards) were like friends holding my hand. They were a big part of how I managed to survive those first few months of helping us understand Brendan's newest diagnosis. Perhaps the biggest encouragement, though, was an unassuming email that we received in June... Galadriel had put out a notice a few weeks before, asking for participants in a new book project, to be published by her company, Wizarding World Press. They wanted to put together a book of fan essays devoted to the mysteries of HP, so were asking people to send them proposals for these essays. The deadline passed before I could even summon the energy to think about doing one myself, since my kid was barely functioning at this point. Then, we got an email from elf asking if Brendan would like to participate in the project. He would be the youngest essayist, at age 8, & he could write on anything he liked, although they'd love to hear more about Snape's Patronus... Brendan thought about it & decided that he would like to participate, so he dictated a reply email to that effect (I learned later that one of the Wizarding World Press folks thought, based on Brendan's email, that he was in his teens rather than 8 years old :).

This was an amazing thing for Brendan to do at this point in time. He was hampered by sometimes crippling anxiety, wasn't typing or even reading fluently yet (since he'd only had binocular convergence for 6 months or so, & his visual tracking skills were just as new). The last 3 months of 2nd grade he'd spent in a virtual (& sometimes actual) fetal position & none of us really understood yet what his prognosis was, OCD-wise. But away he went on his essay, with me along to help. He couldn't skim through the books himself, to find the info that he needed to prove his thesis about Snape's Patronus, so he told me what he was looking for & I found & bookmarked the places, which he then read for himself. He made lists, verbally, which I typed up for him. He developed a series of questions that he felt he needed to answer in order to make a good case for Snape's Patronus being a Dementor, then wrote expository paragraphs that answered his questions, & which he eventually put together as his essay. He had 2 weeks to do it (he had to finish early because the deadline was while we were on summer vacation), & he finished on time. He even added an intro section that explained how he'd been introduced to HP, which the WWP folks liked so much they asked all of the authors to do as well. After sending in his essay, life returned to "normal" (mostly learning what Brendan needed in order to live with the OCD anxiety). Brendan also finally read "Order of the Phoenix" that summer, having read excerpts to do his essay & not finding it too scary.

We didn't think much about the essay until October 2004, when we found out that "The Plot Thickens... Harry Potter Investigated by Fans for Fans" would be published (appropriately) on Halloween. We got copies of the typeset essay for proofing & that just whetted our appetites. And then the box with our complimentary copies arrived :) We decided to ask Brendan's school to put out a press release, so that they would get the publicity, & all 3 local tv stations covered it, 2 sending cameral crews to school to film Brendan reading some of his essay & answering questions. He was a bit nervous about being on tv, so we role-played it the evening before (with dad as a deranged cameraman, coming in for closeups with his cardboard-box camera :), first with Brendan interviewing me, & then me asking him the same questions. It was great publicity for school & the book, too, & Brendan came through with flying colours :) We were very excited to see the book prominently displayed at our local bookstores, & it was out favourite holiday gift for friends & family (autographed, of course). We also learned that they planned to have a discussion forum for all of the essays in the book, & the authors would moderate their own essay's forums. Brendan was allowed to do this under his own name (he decided to keep "The Crookshank" as his sign-in), with the understanding that I would be with him while he was online. He had filled out all sorts of fun questionnaires for the book site & was really looking forward to modding his own forum. Many of my online mod friends were also authors of essays in TPT (there were more than 50 authors from over 10 countries, ranging in age from 8 to over 60...), & everyone very kindly included Brendan in online chats (& even sent him birthday greetings by throwing a virtual party) once the new forums were up. As it turned out, Brendan's forum didn't go up until about 2 weeks before "Half Blood Prince" was released, so there was alot of online excitement about the new book at that point (& the possibility of some of the mysteries being solved!). By this time Brendan was typing on his own & he typed all of his responses to comments & questions in his forum. We brainstormed discussion threads to put up, some serious & some silly, & figured out how to post polls on various topics. It was really fun :) The only concession to his age was a warning that I put in, explaining that the author was 9 years old & asking everyone to behave themselves- they did :)

"Half Blood Prince" was the first HP book that we all read together (ok, so I read ahead) when it was released 2 summers ago. It took us about 2 weeks to get through it, & Charlie & I had to keep passing it back & forth when we got to the part where Dumbledore died because we were both in tears. The "New Clues to Book 6" forums started up in September, which I participated in as a mod again, & that extended our enjoyment of the book for quite some time. Eventually, though, people moved on to different projects, including the sponsors. I found my involvement in blogging & participating in the online autism community took more of my time, too, & drifted away from the online HP world (although Mugglenet is still my home page :). I know that many of my HP friends still keep up with us through my blog & I hear from them occasionally by email. I miss you all! You folks are the reason I survived that tough summer with Brendan to become a blogger & still-sane mom to my kid. Many thanks!!

Oh, & Brendan's IRA...? Well, he managed to earn enough through his royalties from TPT that we could start one for him. (We basically matched the money & let him blow some of it on bionicles, too- kid's got to have some tangible reward for his hard work :) I can just imagine Brendan at retirement age, thinking back on his HP days...

So that's how HP & JK Rowling changed the life of this family. I know that JKR has a copy of Brendan's book, since Emerson (the founder of Mugglenet) gave her a copy when he visited her for HBP's release. It's an autographed copy, actually. They asked all of the authors to autograph a pile of first-pages of their essays to be bound in special editions, for JKR & for each author. There were about 200 pages, I think, & I panicked a bit, since no way could Brendan sign that many pages... It was the first time that the editors of TPT realised that Brendan is autistic & was not just a super-bright kid :) We brainstormed a bit by email & elf suggested having a rubber stamp made of Brendan's signature (they even offered to pay for it, but it wasn't necessary). So that's what we did, & rubber-stamped "Brendan the Crookshank" on all those pages. And JKR has one of them... Sometimes I imagine that she might have come across the essay written by 8-year-old Brendan. It's a pretty amazing thought (makes me a bit teary). Throughout this whole experience, what has shone through for us & for Brendan are his capabilities. He wrote the essay at one of the most difficult times of his life to date & gained the joy & confidence of being a published author, a whole new online community of friends, & some cool legos out of it :) He found his writer's "voice" & it still shines through in whatever he writes. We have shared in this joy & are so grateful to JKR, GW, elf, & our many friends along the way.

Just ducky days... :)

2007-07-17T16:17:00.000-04:00

Here are a couple of pictures of the Pythagoras Switch-inspired, Rube Goldberg-type contraption that Brendan & Ck made last week.

I was particularly inpressed by the row of dominoes that climbed a block staircase in order to push a Thomas-train down the track & launch the lego projectile-thrower through a hoop :)

"Just ducky" is a pretty good description of how things are going lately. We've had 3 "Camp Ck" days so far & the guys are having a great time. Today they visited the science museum in the morning & took apart the old printer in the afternoon (I have yet to look at Brendan's room, but they did do the take-apart on newspaper, at my request, so hopefully there will be no maternal screaming when I do go up & look :).

Over the weekend Brendan & Charlie spent a lot of time together. Charlie is borrowing a boat from a fleet member who can't sail this summer (having sold his right before we left for Japan & not found a replacement yet), so he went to get it on Saturday morning, to take it to the club & rig it & get used to it. Brendan originally wasn't interested in going with Charlie, but when the idea was offered of fishing down at the club while dad worked on the boat, Brendan went for it. He hasn't been fishing since we got home from Japan & was ready to get out there (the fish are trembling :). He had a pretty good time, according to Charlie, even though the fish weren't biting. Of course, there was a side-trip for fries & a shake, which always sweetens the deal :) Later, when Charlie detailed the day to me, he mentioned that Brendan did spend a fair amount of time sitting in the car, which surprised me a bit. Basically, when the situation turned social (while picking up the boat, etc.) Brendan opted to sit in the car. Charlie said he seemed perfectly happy in there, & his anxiety when out of the car wasn't very difficult to manage, so I suspect that letting Brendan choose when & how to be social (as much as we'd love him to increase social contacts) is teaching him more about self-regulation than just upping the social expectations would ever do.

They had so much fun on Saturday that Charlie proposed a fishing trip in the boat for Sunday morning. This was no small undertaking, seeing as we're talking about a 15-foot sailboat (not a motor boat) that's built for racing, not for leg room :) Charlie managed to stow not only Brendan's tackle, but lunches, snacks, & an anchor- pretty darned good. They had a nice sail & then anchored in a cove for fishing. The only problem was that Brendan is accustomed to casting while standing up, & Charlie wasn't quite sure he'd manage to do it standing up without falling out of the boat... He did (manage it). He was also wearing his life jacket, & is a deep-end, Y-certified swimmer to boot, so the potential for disaster was minimal. Brendan was happy to catch 2 little perch before they sailed back to the club.

I am finally caught-up enough with coming-home stuff that I actually found myself at loose ends on Sunday morning. I was too tired to go to church & had a nice veg instead (Charlie pointed-out later that I'm allowed the occasional veg... :). It felt weird, & it made me realised that I'm a bit at loose ends. Before we left for Japan I managed to finish a lot of projects, which leaves me facing a creative void right now. It's not a comfortable feeling at all. I've been playing around with the origami books I got in Japan & also making lavender bottles- an old-timey craft in which you take an uneven number of fresh lavender sprigs (with long stems), tie them together right under the flowers, bend the stems down over the flower-portions, & then weave ribbon around the stems to capture the flowers inside. They end-up as lavender sachets when dried. I had given my last ones away in Japan & wanted to make some more but over the past few days, every time I decided I had a few minutes & went to collect some lavender stems, it would start to rain. Really, it became pretty funny. On Friday I finally got to do it, although it did sprinkle on me as I collected the first bunch for weaving. I continued bit by bit on Saturday & Sunday & have a bunch drying now, ready to be gifts in the future :) It's really hard for me, though, when I don't have a project in the works. I've realised over the years that I get the most pleasure out of life when I make things (particularly gifts), so I need to get my act together & start planning.

Sunday afternoon Ck came over so Charlie & I could go to our sailing fleet picnic & it was fun to share pictures from Japan & chat with folks. Charlie & I arrived in our yukata (cotton kimonos) from Kyoto which was pretty funny. Brendan & Ck went out for pizza among other activities & Brendan, of course, had a great time. When Brendan is with Ck, we've noticed that his anxiety is much lower & much better controlled than when he's just at home with us. Charlie & I have been discussing this (& Brendan & I saw his psychologist last week, too, & discussed this phenomenon with him) & we feel as though this is a break-through sign. Brendan is definitely better able to handle anxiety since we've been home from Japan. Perhaps it's because we brainstormed so many new & different ways to deal with it while we were there, & now he has an even bigger repertoire of coping strategies than ever before. Maybe it's just that we were out of our rut & could see the world (including anxiety) in a different way. Brendan definitely still suffers from the anxiety, but it's a lot more predictable. He has trouble leaving the house without a context or specific motivation. If we plan to walk in the morning, or walk to a restaurant for lunch, he can do it. If we decide on the spur of the moment to take a walk after dinner, he can't. he says he needs advance notice, so we're working with him & trying to do just that. At home, he's most susceptible to "fleas" (OCD thoughts) in the morning when he wakes up & in the afternoon, between 4-6:00 (always the "witching hours" for him). Sometimes we can set a ki barrier & he's fine & sometimes he's paralysed by anxiety & literally needs a push (gently :) to get moving or do something distracting. Yesterday he couldn't get rid of them until he was eating dinner & then they were gone like magic. That said, after waking me up a couple mornings ago because of "fleas" (needing my help to cope with them) & then apologising afterward for waking me up, the next morning he told me that he'd had fleas again that morning, but he was able to take care of them himself. This is the biggest change we've seen yet, in dealing with the OCD. He's been able to find strategies to deal with them, with our help, & then much more quickly than ever before, learn to use them on his own. It feels huge. I feel like I'm holding my breath, too, hoping that things will continue in this way. Pretty amazing- & another good reason to go out & see the world :)

Yesterday morning we had our walk after breakfast (it's still been pretty cool here, after last week's horrid hot days) & then had a tough time working on our weekly schedule. Neither of us was motivated... We decided to read together one of the Kamen Rider/GekiRanger magazines that we picked up in Japan & call it japanese practise :) We also decided that it would be a good day to go out for japanese for lunch, since we have both been missing the great food in Japan. We walked to our fave restaurant, just about 10 minutes away on foot, & had a lovely lunch. On the way back home I noticed that it was getting cloudy... by the time we were a block from home it was sprinkling, & we sprinted that last few houses, Brendan giggling like mad because he's faster, & me yelling "choto mate!" ("wait up!" in japanese :). We'd left the japanese magazine on the dining room table & so we decided to spend the afternoon doing one of the projects that came with the magazine- construct the Kamen Rider "Climax Form" belt & cell-phone-shaped activator. Many manga & kid-oriented magazines in Japan come loaded with "omake", free gifts. These are sometimes actual toys & stuff, but also have cleverly designed cardboard pop-outs to construct into working toys. They come with everything but glue or tape- this one came with the bits of velcro, rubber bands, & other odds & ends needed to make the toys. We had a great time working together & the belt can actually be worn (there's a cardboard buckle that attached to the rubber bands on the belt). Brendan, who usually doesn't like craft projects, was very motivated to participate in this one, so it was a lot of fun. We chatted while we worked, on a project we'd started thinking of that morning- making a wall hanging out of the dragon pictures we took in Japan. He likes the idea of printing the photos on inkjet fabric & then piecing them together (choosing a co-ordinating fabric) into a hanging for his room. I got a walking foot for my sewing maching a few months ago & have been wanting to learn to use it. Looks like a good creative project to get me back on track :) Brendan has been wanting to sew again, & since it's all straight seams he can do a lot of it. We'll let you know how we progress :)

Rediscovering our rhythms...

2007-07-10T12:17:00.000-04:00

Well, we seem to be more than halfway through our jet-lag adjustment, although it still hits at unexpected moments (with sudden exhaustion or ravenous appetite attacks). Brendan, I think, has done the best job of readjusting, with Charlie coming in a close second- but then, he had 2 days to get his act together before going back to work last week, so it was kind of necessary, poor guy. Unfortunately, about the time we all felt like getting out & getting some exercise this past weekend, it started to rain, then the heat kicked-in. I thought that southern Japan would have gotten us acclimated to summer heat, but that wore off pretty quickly. The past 2 days it's been close to 90 degrees (or over) outside, so we've only been venturing out for necessary trips in the car :( A good thing was that Charlie convinced Brendan to go swimming Sunday afternoon, so at least they've gotten some exercise. (Brendan has become somewhat agoraphobic since coming home from Japan, so this was a big deal.) My brand-new bathing suit is on the slow boat from Mizumaki to our town (jettisoned as unnecessary baggage after our trip to the onsen), but I've promised the guys I'll go swimming with them when it arrives. The other fun thing that happened Sunday afternoon was that our college-age friend Ck came over to dinner so that we could plan "Camp Ck" together...

Most summers we have "Camp Mom" interspersed with 2-3 weeks of summer camps for Brendan- computer camp or the programme at the science museum. For various reasons, all of them seeming quite reasonable to us, Brendan didn't want to do any of the summer camps, but this left us with the dilemma of finding mom-time throughout the summer. After we brainstormed ideas, we decided to ask Ck, who has been a favourite sitter of Brendan's since Ck's freshman year of high school (& whom Brendan missed very much this past year, Ck's first at college) to do "Camp Ck" 2 days a week. He had been looking for summer work & decided that this would be a good start :) so this week saw the beginning of both "Camp Mom" & Camp Ck". When we discussed the summer plans with Brendan before leaving for Japan, he became decidedly "moofy" at the thought of yet another summer with a daily schedule of activities. He, of course, would be perfectly happy to play Adventure Quest & Dragon Fable all day, interspersed with movies & lego-ing. We started the daily summer schedule thing 4 or 5 summers ago, at the recommendation of Brendan's psychologist, to help him learn to self-regulate & to give us both a sense of accomplishment over the summer. It's ended-up being summer homeschooling, really, & I have felt very good about doing it. He's always retured to school in the fall with little loss of skills & the transition to a school schedule has never been a problem since we've kept to one over the summer. In fact, Brendan basically learned to read over the summer he was 8, since that's when his visual abilities really kicked-in, & thankfully we were ready to jump in & facilitate. We've done so many fun projects over these past summers, too, which has made the time really memorable. Two summers ago I taught Brendan to weave on the small loom & he wove scarves for his dad & grandparents as Christmas presents. Last summer I taught him to use the big loom & we wove a blanket!

Needless to say, I'm convinced that continuing with this summer scheduling is a good thing, but Brendan... took some convincing. It wasn't hard to get him to agree to reading every day (especially when he realised that he was behind on his manga reading :). And, when we came to actually plugging things into our weekly schedule on Sunday evening, I acknowledged that he's older now & can handle more free time. So we put in more free time, such as half an hour before lunch & from 4:00 to dinnertime, & that seemed to satisfy him very much (I think that the acknowledgement did more than the actual extra time :). While Ck was over to dinner on Sunday we brainstormed a list of things they could do together (including field trips, since Ck drives). In the evening I typed everything to post on the fridge & Brendan & I set our schedule for Monday, Wednesday, & Friday of our first week. It probably helped that we had appointments first thing Monday morning & at the end of the day as well (been away 3 weeks, you know!). Brendan participated in the scheduling with little sign of "moofiness" about it all.

So yesterday, after a bit of misunderstanding about what each of us thought the words "come down now & eat breakfast" meant (I could hear obvious sounds of playing upstairs...), we were both on track for my first-thing (& much-needed) appointment with the chiropracter. Brendan does really well when we visit her office & we brought one of our japanese magazines (featuring the Kamen Rider & Geki characters) to read to each other in the waiting room. It was fun to tell her about our trip, too :) Then, since we were out, I planned to do something we've never done before... take Brendan shopping for shoes. (Did I ever mention that we left Brendan's sneakers in Tokyo after our first week in Japan? We didn't even notice until we were packing for Kyoto, & he was outgrowing the sneaks, anyway, but it's left him without anything but sandals to wear...) It didn't hit me until afterwards that Brendan had never been shoe-shopping before. Until recently I could just buy them through Land's End & it was a pretty good chance that they'd fit. But he's now at the very end of the youth shoe sizing & has a wide foot as well, so I didn't think we were going to get away with the long-distance thing any more. The main hazards I envisioned for shoe-shopping were the strong smell shoe stores often have, crowds, & his being triggered by various people in the store. So, we got there just after they opened to avoid crowds, which worked. He didn't seem to notice a smell, which was a bonus. However, I forgot the "desecration" factor, sigh. Anything made of dead animals is "desecration" to Brendan & he was instantly repelled by the first "genuine leather" verbiage he saw on a shoe box. I assured him that many of the shoes would have no leather & we looked specifically for that sort of shoe. It took a while, & some false starts (he has depended on the loop on the back of Land's End's kids' shoes for years to pull his shoes on, & most of these shoes had no loop) we ended up in the men's shoe section (he's official now) & found what he was looking for. Skate shoes with some blue on them (very important :) in size 6.5. Hooray! Our reward for getting through this was a trip to the manga & anime store to get the most recent "Hikaru no Go" manga & dvds. We drove home for lunch in a very good mood. Success on our very first trip to the shoe store!!

After lunch we had our quiet reading time (Brendan started catching up on past issues of Hikaru...) & together reading time (we're still working our way through "Eldest"). Then we tackled his room, partly because the house was being cleaned today & you couldn't find the floor, & partly because he couldn't set up his new nezumi incense burner on his dresser until we could find the top of his dresser. No joke... Charlie had donated the biiiig box he'd brought home from work last week, with all of his vacation mail in it, for us to put cast-offs in. We really needed it, too. In the end (after clearing & wet-sponging), the InuYasha & Gundam action figures, his incense burner & crystals, & the necessaries like light, fan, & alarm clock, are all that remain on his dresser. It's amazing :) Next to tackle (another day...) is his desk. After a quick trip to the orthodontist (changed wires, asked about Japan :) we were home & finished cleaning his floor for vacuuming pretty quickly. Then we finally watched our Pythagoras Switch dvd, purchased in Japan (I have Brendan's computer set to region 5, so we can watch anything from Japan on it). It is absolutely awesome- 20-some minutes of Rube Goldbergs, many of which we'd never seen before on YouTube. There's an accompanying book &, at this moment, Brendan & Ck (having watched the dvd this morning) are working on their own Rube Goldberg contraption in Brendan's room :)

This morning Ck arrived a little early (very kindly) so I could make a regular appointment with my therapist. They've been having fun with the solar energy kit I bought, playing Incredible Machines on the computer, & now, after lunch, they're making their own. I showed Ck the fridge calendar & list & they worked on it over lunch. Brendan is obviously having a great time with Ck & I am actually updating the blog. A recipe for success, so far...!

Home from Japan...

2007-07-04T21:38:00.000-04:00

Here's the view of Tokyo from our hotel window, our last night in Japan.

In a way, I suppose it was a good thing we didn't know how gruelling our trip home would be. Certainly, the trip to Japan didn't prepare us for how difficult the homeward one would be... However, to be fair, there were absolutely no hitches in plane flights or luggage & none of the many things that could have gone wrong did, so we were really, really lucky!

We were up pretty early Monday morning & had a nice breakfast in the hotel restaurant, then finished packing & had some time to lounge & get our last NHK public tv (home of Pythagoras Switch) fix before calling for a cart to take our luggage to the airport shuttle bus station right next door. We got our tickets & were on the shuttle within 10 minutes for the hour-long ride to Narita Airport. It rained on & off & was quite reminiscent of our ride into Tokyo, nearly 3 weeks before. We saw the sights we'd seen on the first bus ride with new eyes...

The bus porter had told us which stop to get off at & we had about an hour until we could check in, so Charlie & Brendan wandered (& finally got Brendan one of those vitamin drinks in little bottles he'd been angling for the whole trip, because it was his last chance :). Check-in, immigration, & security were a breeze- in Japan you don't have to take off your shoes or take the laptop out of the case, so there's so much less fuss, & there were hardly any other people in line with us. There was about an hour before our flight, so we hit a bookstore for last-minute purchases (Brendan has a natural homing instinct for Kamen Rider Den-O books :), for more distraction on the flight. And... we finally ate at a japanese McDonalds :) Yes, the fish sandwiches taste much better there... (naturally!)

When we finally boarded the plane we were ready to go, but Brendan & I soon were in tears, as we saw Japan receding in the window. We really want to go back!! We started out by looking at Kamen Rider books & puzzling out the japanese, then Charlie & I switched places & they played Uno for a while. When I looked up from a puzzle book, maybe 6 hours into the trip (we'd had two meals by then), I noticed Brendan had one of his Kamen Rider action figures out (one with millions of little pieces that fall off...) & was starting into meltdown mode. I decided that it was time to switch back & see if I could get him to sleep a bit (Charlie was glad to have a break :). I convinced him to put everything away & cuddle up with his blanket, & soon he was asleep. He only slept about 3 hours, but by then they were serving breakfast & getting generally ready to land in Chicago. In some ways, the time really flew, but in others, it was very uncomfortable & exhausting. I kept figuring out what time it was in Japan... When we landed it was somewhere around 2 in the morning & Charlie & I had done no more than doze a bit during the flight.

Chicago was the worst part of the whole trip, bar none :( Not only did we have to navigate immigration & then pick up our bags & do customs, having been awake for nearly 24 hours, but Brendan simply could not cope with the noise & the crowds by then. He was in so much distress from OCD anxiety in the immigration line (literally hundreds of people all in the same place) that they noticed, took pity on us, & unhooked the guide line so we could go ahead- no questions asked. We got him through the rest of re-entering the US on pure will-power, but then had to take a train (lugging the bags) to another terminal & go through security all over again. American security: with shoe & laptop removal (& the plush Pochama pokemon he was clutching to his eyes had to go in the plastic bucket & through the xray, too). Everyone was very professional & said not a word to us about our distressed kid, which was a huge relief. I even explained to Brendan that, if anyone asked, I would tell them that he was autistic so that they might understand (he said that was ok), but I never had to do it. We sat just outside security for nearly half an hour, getting him back together & Charlie went for cold drinks while we sat. Then we each took an arm & half-walked, half-propelled him to the gate, found a quiet place to sit, & we parked. Brendan lay down on the bench of seats with Pochama & nearly fell asleep, he was so overwhelmed. Charlie & I took turns hitting the restrooms & getting food. Our next flight wasn't for 3 hours, so we had time to eat & recover. Brendan alternated between doing just fine (regained his sense of humour & everything) & overwhelmed mode at the drop of a hat, but we were able to amuse him with more japanese books & making mazes for the pokemon plushies to navigate, using newspapers, shoes, & bags :)

The plane home was a teesy-tiny one, 3 seats across & acessed from the ground & up the stairs on the plane's door. Brendan was fascinated by this new experience, & then fell asleep before the plane even took off. He woke up about 15 minutes before we landed at our home airport. What a blessing!! Our next-door neighbour, Evelyn, who had dropped us off at the airport was waiting for us there- so nice to see a friendly, familiar face after the day+ we'd just had! The bags were there, too, & we got them to the car somehow & were home in 15 minutes.

Home looked really weird. The wrong proportions, the wrong smells. But it started feeling homey again very soon. We were blasted, of course. Evelyn brought over some yummy dinner & Brendan supplemented it with his favourite "no-chicken" soup from a can (tofu intead of chicken :). I called my mom to let her know we were home ok. Charlie got Brendan into jammies & into bed & he dropped off immediately. We unpacked & I decided against starting laundry that evening (that would have been "baka", as Brendan would say :). My hot shower felt so good I nearly cried. We were home & in one piece, & everything was home with us!

Yesterday was "the lost day". We drifted around, doing laundry, sorting through omiyage, putting things away. My body hurt so much I couldn't believe it, probably from hauling heavy bags & sitting on planes for too long (although it didn't feel bad at all when we arrived in Tokyo after the same length trip...). Brendan played AQ, played with his Kamen Rider toys, played games with Charlie, & watched movies. We watched the "Lucario" pokemon movie together, & it even made me cry in japanese... Grammie visited, to see with her own eyes that we were home :) Charlie went into work long enough to pick up an enormous box of mail & forms to be signed. Sigh...

Today we all felt a bit better, although I woke up at 4:15 & never went back to sleep. It was a rainy 4th of July, which, perhaps selfishly, suited us because we had no plans... We started thinking about the rest of the week- making a shopping list for tomorrow, Charlie going through the load of paperwork, he & Brendan taking Japan pictures & prezzies to the neighbours. I found that I couldn't eat when the clock told me to eat & was exhausted by 2:00 pm, so I took a nap. Charlie & Brendan headed out to spend some holiday time with sailing friends & I worked on tidying the house even more & getting caught up for the next few days' activities. I discovered that the newest Kamen Rider Den-O was online so Brendan & I watched it when they got home. This evening, at bedtime, he asked me to read to him (our usual, sometimes gruelling, routine before going to Japan), but I put him off (I was busy tidying upstairs) in the hope that he might fall asleep on his own. I went in after a few minutes & asked him what his favourite parts of the trip were, & he drifted off to sleep while he told me :) I asked Charlie the same question before he, too, went off to bed (although, with the fireworks right now, I can't believe either of them are asleep!!). Here is what they answered:

Brendan says that the best part of Japan was Kyoto, because Tokyo was too "urusai" (noisy), & because, although he enjoyed meeting japanese kids in Mizumaki, he was overwhelmed by their attention. He said he loved visiting all the temples in Kyoto, because the temples helped him to cope with "fleas" (his new term for "tics" :). He said that the calm & quiet, & the purifying wells & prayers all helped him a lot.

Charlie said that he enjoyed visiting the Onsen with Tomoko's family very much, but that his favourite parts of the trip were experiencing a different place, being totally out of our element & our ruts, & really experiencing a different culture. He said the trip to Uji (while we were in Kyoto) felt like our best full day in Japan.

I find myself also dwelling on how amazing it was to be out of our usual routine (for better or for worse) & to see our usual way of living from the outside-in. (I am still having difficulty getting used to people speaking english to me :) We tried so many different things while we were there, some which we would never stretch ourselves to do in regular life, for very good reasons! I was struck by the realisation of how very intense life with Brendan is, & how unrelenting his anxiety can be (& how demanding). And yet, there were times when he was stretched & rose to the occasion beautifully, & I was so heartened by these experiences. It helps me to understand that Brendan is learning & growing, becoming more capable of managing his anxiety everyday. I told Charlie this evening that, no matter what we might do next year for vacation, it will be easier because he's growing & learning. And the next time we go to Japan it'll be easier for the same reason (plus our japanese will be better :). I also find myself more focused on how I want our day to day lives to be, rather than reacting to how it is (because I'm immersed in it). I want to find ways to help Brendan become more considerate of others, even in the face of his own very intense needs. He has mentioned this to me, that he wants to be more thoughtful of others, so I want to find ways to help him. Like Brendan, I really enjoyed visiting the shrines & temples, & I really loved trying to communicate with people in their own language. There were so many beautiful things to see & experience. Another thing that I enjoyed so much about our trip was that there was so much time together as a family. In regular life, we tend to play ping-pong with Brendan, with Charlie at work all day & then coming home to dinner & then giving me a break from the intensity that is "life with Brendan". I take over right before bed time so that Charlie can do paperwork. The he & I sit for a few minutes & reconnect, then he goes to bed & we begin it all again the next day. While we were in Japan we were rarely apart & it felt very natural to do things together- from managing the subways to managing tics. It felt very good. When we weren't under the stress of keeping to schedules & planning our own days, it was really fun to be together, no matter how unevenly things went. I am left feeling really good about our family, & about being the family that we are. Perhaps the best & biggest gift of going to Japan :)

Last full day in Japan!

2007-07-01T07:07:00.000-04:00

Hard to believe we're going home tomorrow!

We had a last breakfast in our favourite Kyoto cafe this morning, finished packing everything, then headed for the shuttle bus to Kyoto station. Charlie used our Japan Rail passes for the last time & got tickets on the 10:00 Hikari shinkansen to Tokyo.

We said fond farewells to Kyoto, & for the first half hour of the train trip I planned, in my mind, our return visit to Kyoto. There's still so much to see here! It's such a comfortable place to visit, too. Brendan & Charlie feel the same way. Brendan declared that we definitely have to come back :) And imagine how much better our japanese will be next time...

The train to Tokyo took just under 3 hours & the only difficulty was that they ran out of obento by lunch time. Brendan fired-up the laptop when he finally got bored with playing Uno with dad & watched some InuYasha. We picked up a couple obento when we got off the train, & luckily we didn't have to haul our very heavy bags terribly far to the taxi stand. Thank goodness! Brendan had an attack of the tics right as we got there, but in the hustle & bustle we couldn't do our usual- stop & set a kekkai- & you know what? He managed just fine. He was a little ticced-off at us, but he got over it very quickly. He said he used his fan to ward off the thoughts & we told him we were very proud that he was able to manage without us. We got to the hotel without a hitch & were in our room & eating obento before we knew it. Brendan really didn't want to explore right away, so we got hooked up to the internet & he played AQ for a bit, then climbed under the covers for a bit. We could see a garden with a koi pond right below our hotel window, & that motivated Brendan to go out & look around. When we got there, though, it looked as if there was a wedding going on in the garden (the most women in kimono we've seen on our whole visit to Japan :) so we decided to go back later. I had spotted a book store from the taxi & wanted to make a last look around for craft books & something for Brendan on the plane tomorrow, so I took off. I walked right by the Mizutengu shrine on my way there- something I thought Brendan would like to see. I had good luck at the bookstore- found a pokemon puzzles book & a magazine featuring our favourite Kamen Rider & Gekiranger shows (plus some fun omake- free gifts- inside) for Brendan & a kimono magazine & origami book for me. After I got back we just lounged around until dinner time. On the way to dinner we went back to see the garden:

There was a tea ceremony house in the garden, too, but the main attraction was the pond full of enormous koi...

We had dinner in one of the hotel restaurants (we ate in a restaurant!!) & Brendan was in an exceptionally good mood. We amused our waitress greatly by speaking japanese to her (she particularly loved hearing Brendan speak :) & really enjoyed our meal. We chatted about what we liked about Japan & how much we'll miss it. Brendan got the giggles often & his laughter was infectious :) After dinner, Charlie & Brendan walked over to the shrine. When they got back to our room Charlie got Brendan into the tub for a wash & soak. Now he's in bed & we're getting ready to do the same. We have a looooong trip back to the northeastern US tomorrow. Wish us luck!

Japan Day 18- Kyoto...

2007-06-30T06:44:00.000-04:00

Today, our last full day in Kyoto, we decided to visit the castle across the street, which we've been looking at the whole time (from our hotel window) we've been here :) We had decided to save it for a rainy day (this is the rainy season in Japan, after all) since it's so close. However, japanese weather reports must be different than ones in the US because yesterday's prediction of 100% chance of rain led to an hour or 2 of drizzle right at the end of the day. Today's prediction of 60% rain led to none at all... I'm not complaining, though :)

We had brekkie at our usual cafe (Brendan wore his new geta for the 1 1/2 block walk :) then came back to the hotel to get ready to walk across the street to Nijo-ji Castle. This castle was built in the early 1600's by one of the first of the Tokugawa shoguns, & features not only impressively large fortifications & rooms, but "nightingale floors". These are floors that squeak musically when you walk on them, so that no-one can sneak around the place unheard. They still work & are really pretty amazing (& sound neat, too). The castle walls include 2 different palaces, one that you can walk through, & some beautiful gardens.

It was a really warm day, although the first breezy one we've had, which was nice. But it was awfully warm to be walking around outside. We made our tour in about an hour, then Brendan & I were too hot & tired to continue. Brendan had found the castle too creepy to go into, so Charlie stayed outside with him while I visited. After we finished looking around the grounds, Brendan & I got a cold drink & walked back across the street to the hotel, while Charlie toured the castle.

When Charlie got back he offered to walk to the "kon-bee" for lunch supplies & Brendan & I took him up on it :) I regained some energy after lunch & really wanted to look around the neighbourhood, so I got the map the concierge had given us when we arrived & headed out on an adventure. We had decided that we wanted some green tea candy to take home with us, so that was my goal... I had my umbrella, in case of rain, but ended up using it to shield myself from the sun, as many, many Kyoto ladies do (I was right in fashion :). It was really nice just to walk around & enjoy Kyoto's bustle. The schoolkids were out by then (they go to school half a day on Saturdays), so there were a lot of them on their way home. There were also loads of people on bicycles & crossing the streets could be rather hazardous if you didn't stay sharp. (Bicyclists may ride at the edges of the sidewalks as well as in the street, & they all cross at the crosswalks with the pedestrians, which made walking around very interesting...) I found an urban mall-ish place & enjoyed looking around. No candy, but a few more gifts to bring home :) On the way home I turned onto a narrow side street instead of following the main road & found the relative quiet very enjoyable. Homes blend seamlessly with businesses on the side streets, & the traditional Kyoto houses (many with shops in front) were interesting & beautiful.

Back at our room, I found that Charlie & Brendan had built a fort with bedding & chairs, & were having a kleenex-ball fight :) Since I hadn't found the candy, Charlie was thinking of going out in a different direction, but then got the idea to go downstairs, to the shopping level of the hotel to look for some. Bingo! It was lovely & cool there, we found just what we were looking for (& a bit more), & we were back in our room in half an hour. Brendan & I decided to watch an InuYasha movie on the laptop, & Charlie started consolidating things & packing his duffel while we watched. I did some re-organising as well, & discovered that we may just get everything home :) (at least, it will probably fit in our duffels) After a walk to the "kon-bee" for dinner (& a discussion of which was better: present-day security systems or nightingale floors?), we ate & watched tv again for a bit. Japanese shows seem to last only 15 minutes, which makes for quite a variety. We caught a programme featuring a quadriplegic poet on NHK educational tv, & an odd comedy called "Man Power". Brendan got himself into jammies around 6:45 & wanted to get into bed, but Charlie tempted him with a game of Uno (no sense in having him up at 4:00 am again from going to bed too early). He finally rolled into bed at 7:15 & was asleep by 7:30.

Tomorrow we catch the shinkansen back to Tokyo for one night, then hop on a plane back to the US on Monday. Brendan told us today he can't believe the trip is almost over. Charlie & I have been marvelling at how easy it's been to navigate Japan & how comfortable we've felt here. We all could easily stay longer, & I don't have the feeling I always get when on vacation, that I just want to go home now! We're tired, but not exhausted, which is pretty amazing. I'm already looking forward to coming back to Japan... :)

Japan Day 17- Kyoto...

2007-06-29T08:14:00.001-04:00

Well, our brreakfast cafe was open again this morning, so we went over about 8:00 (it's just a block away) & had lovely toast & coffee (& a salad for Charlie :) again. Although the weather report said 100% chance of rain, it was still pretty clear out, though hot & muggy, as it's been the whole time. Today was textiles day (yay!) & we decided to start at a place mentioned in the "Old Kyoto" book that specialises in indigo dyeing. We were armed with diversions for Brendan, since looking at textiles is not a favourite activity of his. We also decided to take a taxi there, to save our energy for the walk home.

The name of the shop is Aizen Kobo, "ai" meaning indigo & "kobo" meaning workshop. The Utsuki family, which owns the shop, was a traditional weaving family for over a hundred years, but when the jacquard loom came to Japan their weaving was no longer desired, so the present shop owner's grandfather found his way to indigo dyeing instead, back in the 1920's. The building itself is 130 years old & has been in the family for all that time. When we got there, at around 9:45, the door was locked, but then I spotted a sign that said to press a button, so I did, & a voice came out of a little box (a video link) saying they'd be right down. A man, who spoke fine english, came down & opened up for us. One of the first things he noticed was Charlie's shirt (he was wearing one of the indigo tie-dyed shirts I made) & I explained that I do a bit of indigo dyeing in the US. He was familiar with the chemical-driven process used in the US & was happy to explain the differences between that method & the natural fermentation method that he uses (& is pretty much one of the few people left who do use it). While we were talking, Charlie & I were looking around at the amazing things in the shop- indigo-dyed fabrics & things made from indigo-dyed fabrics- everything from t-shirts to scarves, handkerchiefs & coasters to yarn & sashiko thread. As we chatted more, the owner asked me back into the working area of the house, & we sat at a table on zabuto pillows & talked indigo.

Utsuki-san showed me a book of pictures that described the growing, harvesting, & initial fermentation of indigo (something done in the countryside), which takes a full year. Then we chatted about other dyes & compared notes on different mordanting techniques. It was fascinating, I was aware that Charlie & Brendan were waiting for me (playing Uno :), so I asked if I could look around some more, then got to the serious buying. This felt like a once in a lifetime opportunity, & Charlie joined me in picking out gifts for friends & family, & things for us, of course :) Brendan held his patience as long as possible & was rewarded by the gift of a little beanbag owl made from indigo-dyed fabrics- kawaii! One of my purchases was a couple of bags of scraps of indigo fabrics for sewing projects & I can't wait to get started making something from them (but I will- all of my patterns are at home).

In a way, I'm glad that I didn't read the write-up in the book about Utsuki-san & his shop until I got back to the hotel, or I might have been too intimidated to have a good time chatting with him. He's one of the last people in Kyoto doing this kind of work & is considered a master of the craft. I sat with him (at his invitation!) & chatted about various details of dyeing like a fellow crafts-person, & enjoyed absorbing all of the information he wanted to share. He even gave me a handful of the indigo he uses to dye with on my way out, & took me back to show me the vats. I'm still processing a lot of what he told me, & the many ideas he gave me (some over-dyeing techniques that hadn't occurred to me before...). It was an incredible experience.

From Aizen Kobo we walked a few blocks to the Nishijin Textile Centre, a co-op of many textile producers in the Nishijin (traditonal textile) area of Kyoto. When we got there we saw a taxi parked out front & Charlie decided he'd ask for the driver's card, so we could call him (or another from his company) for the ride home (it was obvious we didn't have the energy to walk). He was having trouble getting though to the driver, so I joined him & was finally able to find the right words in japanese, & he gave me his card. Whew! Not my proudest japanese-moment!

The textile centre was housed in a large building with a large sales area on the second floor, & exhibits & workshop areas in the rest of the building. As we were headed upstairs Brendan decided that he wanted a bathroom, charged over to the information desk, & much to the ladies' there amusement inquired as to the location of the toilet in japanese :) They were quite taken by his braid, too, & followed his progress to the "toi-re" with smiles. Then it was upstairs to a bustling room full of too many things to take in. I took Brendan in hand, since Charlie had amused him at the indigo shop, & let Charlie look at ties in peace while Brendan & I looked at fans. I bought him another,inexpensive one, since the one he'd bought on our first expedition in Kyoto had broken (Brendan is hard on fans- he likes to use them as ninja weapons). Then we found some yukatas (cotton kimono) & were looking through them when Charlie found us again. They were also pretty inexpensive, so we all got yukata. I found some sandals, too, & got some zorii for myself & Brendan found, of all things, a pair of geta (clunky wooden sandals like he'd worn at the ryokan) that fit him & they're coming home with us, too :) By the time they'd wrapped & packaged (careful, artful packaging is a big deal in Japan) all of our purchases Brendan was getting over-stimulated by all of the activity & stuff so we wanted to get him out & be on our way. As I received our packages from the nice lady who'd helped us, I thanked her for taking care of us in japanese, & she went into orbit with excitement. She was so happy that she gave me a gift- a handwoven mat to put under a vase. It was a nice antidote to my difficult exchange with the taxi driver! There was a kimono fashion show going on downstairs, between us & the door, so it wasn't easy to navigate Brendan out of there, but we managed it. Then I went back in to ask the info ladies to call the cab for us, which they kindly did. It was only about 5 minutes before the cab was there & we were back at the hotel before we knew it. Whew! In all of the excitement, Charlie never did buy his tie. Sigh...

Brendan got dressed in his yukata & geta, but when he asked for an obi I realised that we hadn't got any, so he improvised with his new Kamen Rider Den-O belt :) The fan is a nice touch, I think...

Charlie went out to get lunch things at out favourite "kon-bee" (convenience store) & we ate in our room as usual. We had arranged with the concierge yesterday to visit an historic samurai home, with secret hiding places & defensive tricks, that got high marks in all of the guide books. She found an english interpreter for the tour, since it wouldn't have been as good without, & we were to meet him at 1:30 in the lobby. I opted out, since I was feeling tired from the morning, so Charlie & Brendan went out & left me to sew in peace. It was really nice to just sit for a while...

When they got back, about 2 1/2 hours later, it was obvious that the tour hadn't been a success :( Charlie said that it was far too long, the interpreter wasn't the best, & nobody wanted to take the time for questions. Brendan had been very frustrated because he wanted to ask about the things there were seeing... On the way home they tried to buy a hot coffee in a can for him, but got a cold one instead, then they got a bit lost & it took longer to get home (& it started to rain...). After we got Brendan calmed down, I offered to go to the "kon-bee" & get him a hot coffee (plus the dinner stuff), & get the latest Gekiranger episode loading on the laptop, too, so we could watch it when I got back. This helped to refocus him, & I went out with my umbrella in tow (which I needed :). After a snack & Gekirangers, we were all feeling better, & Brendan continued on to play some AQ, I sewed, & Charlie read. It was a mellow afternoon & evening. Charlie got online to check our plane reservations for Monday (still there) & our hotel reservation for our last night in Japan (in Tokyo). Tomorrow we'll finally visit the castle across the street, Nijo-ji, start packing! Hard to believe...

Japan Day 16- Kyoto...

2007-06-28T08:03:00.000-04:00

Another beautiful & interesting day in the Kyoto area! We started the day around 7:00 & headed out to the coffee shop we ate breakfast at yesterday around 8:00. When we got there it was closed :( I noticed the sign on the window had the kanji for "moku youbi" (Thursday) on it, & realised that it must mean it was closed on Thursdays, so we headed over to the convenience store for breakfast food. After a decent (but not as much fun) breakfast in our hotel room, we started our day trip to the town of Uji, a little south of Kyoto. We took the hotel shuttlebus to Kyoto station, then got some more mileage out of our Japan Rail passes by taking the JR train to Uji- just about half an hour away. Brendan has been carrying one of the japanese Kamen Rider Den-O books with him for diversion, so we looked at it again while on the train. When he's been tired I've been reading it to him, but this morning he read it to me :) I helped occasionally, but he's really buffing up his hiragana reading. Yay!

Uji is not only famous for being an important tea-growing region (the emperor drinks Uji tea :), but it has 2 of the oldest shrines in Japan, which we planned to visit along with the tea shops. (I should mention here that before we left Mizumaki Nobuko-san very kindly gave me 2 bags of Yamecha- the tea grown on Kyushu. I have developed a special fondness for Yamecha, which Tomoko has shared with me over the past couple of years, & this was shincha, the newest tea of the year. Yum! Although I can find Uji tea online, Yamecha is much rarer & I have yet to find a place that sells it online, so it'll be good to have some different kinds of Uji tea to enjoy at home & remember all the parts of our visit to Japan :)

Charlie had the very smart idea to take a taxi to our first destination in Uji, the Ujikami Jinja, so that we might save our energy for the walk through town to our other destinations. The Ujikami Jinja is a shinto shrine that dates from the mid-11th century. It is Japan's oldest shrine (like many others, a collection of shrines). It was very peaceful & beautiful, & Brendan really soaked up the atmosphere while he rinsed his mouth & hands at the purifying pools & cast coins into the offering boxes. On the way out we purchased "omamori" (good luck charms) from a very nice miko (shinto shrine maiden). Some of the omamori are based on the chinese zodiac, so we wrote down the birth years of the people we wanted to get omamori for (including us) & she pointed to the animal for our years (Fruits Basket manga fans will know the zodiac as the "jyuunishi"). I'm year of the dog, Charlie's the rabbit, & Brendan's the mouse (or rat- the japanese don't distinguish between them). We wondered why there were a bunch of special omamori with rabbits on them & the miko explained (in japanese) that the shrine's deity is associated with the rabbit (which is also associated with the moon in japanese folklore, since they see a rabbit in the shadows on the moon). Charlie got a special rabbit one, too, since he's year of the rabbit :)

After our visit to Ujikami, we walked down a narrow street along the Ujigawa (Uji River) that was lined on the other side with houses & more, smaller shrines. Right before the Ujigawa bridge was a tea & sweets shop that has been in the same building since 1672! And the family that owns it, the Tsuen family, has been in the tea business for 830 years!! We stopped in, of course, & had some wonderful confections. Brendan had odango- green-tea-flavoured sweet mochi balls on a stick, plus some matcha (powdered green tea) ice cream. Charlie had a parfait that featured green tea & vanilla ice cream, squares of plain (unflavoured) kanten (agar- known as japanese jello, but stiffer), anko (sweetened red bean paste), fruit & a chestnut on top. I had a similar sweet with more kanten & a matcha-based syrup. Yum!!

Here's Brendan outside the Tsuen tea & sweets shop. It was very peaceful & quiet inside, in spite of being a bustling place outside. After that, we walked across the Ujigawa bridge to Omotesando street, where the tea-sellers had their shops, & also the way to the Byodo-in temple, the oldest Buddhist temple & monastery in Japan.

The Byodo-in's main building is the Phoenix Hall, built as a palace, but then turned into a temple. it dates from the Heian period of japanese history, a thousand years ago, & is considered one of the most beautiful places in the world. It really is amazing... Brendan & I are also convinced that the Phoenix Hall was used as the model for a palace in the 2nd InuYasha movie, which made it fun as well :) As we walked over to the Byodo-in, Brendan's calm mood faded & the tics moved in, but we were able to keep him focused on seeing a Buddhist temple & looking for a monk's staff like one of the characters in InuYasha carries, one of his main goals on this trip to Japan. Because the elements are taking a toll on the temple a lot of the artwork (statues & paintings) have been moved to a museum on the grounds, cleverly hidden underground so it doesn't disturb the temple's beauty at all. In one of the display cases was the statue of a bodhisatva with the very monk's staff Brendan had been looking for. He was very happy :) We hit the musem store on the way out for omiyage (omamori for friends at home :) & Brendan found some lavender incense & a little nezumi (mouse) incense burner to go with it.

On our way back down the tea-sellers' street I stopped in a few of the shops to buy some tea & more omiyage (& a small tea pot for home). We were offered some iced green tea at one shop, & while I went in to another on my own (Charlie & Brendan went off to buy some grape soda from a machine- it was a very warm day) I chatted with 4 ladies in another shop (as I bought more tea) & was invited to take some hot ryokucha with them. I am finally understanding the phrase for "where are you from?" & people always are interested when I say "New York", even though we live on the other side of the state from NYC (& there's no way I can say that in japanese :). The other object of great interest at a couple of places was Brendan's braid. I am able to tell them that he's been growing is since he was a baby, & at one place a lady asked me if he was a boy (I didn't tell him that) & was just amazed when I said yes :) Just at the end of the street we found a place selling the famous candy in little obento (the candies are often shaped like fruits & vegetables- these bring back fond memories because aTomoko taught us the japanese names of fruits & veggies using one of these candy boxes). Brendan convinced us to buy some, one to eat here & one for home :) Then it was a 10-minute walk back to the train station, more cold drinks from machines while we waited another 10 minutes for the train, & back to Kyoto.

Our most difficult time of the day was when we got back to Kyoto station. We went with the flow getting off the train & found ourselves on the absolute wrong side of the station. I had memorised the entry door we'd gone through (where we would catch the shuttle back to the hotel), but we couldn't find it on any of the maps :( Brendan got ticcier & ticcier & ended up on the floor while we puzzled over maps. Charlie finally asked a group of policemen, who pointed us in the right direction, & I wrapped my arm around his head so he wouldn't see any tic triggers. I realised at that point that we hadn't actually eaten any lunch- just had those lovely sweets in Uji. We snacked on chips & the rest of our cold drinks while we waited for the shuttlebus. Once back to the hotel it was hard to get any food into Brendan, he was so distracted by tics, but I found that the episode of Kamen Rider Den-O that we'd watched last Sunday was finally up with english subs online & the change of focus got him back to himself. He ate a croissant & then we ran him a bath with lavender oil in it in the big, ofuro-style bathtub, & he had a really nice soak. I went out to the convenience store with a list of dinner requests while he was in the bath, & we had our favourites for dinner. Over dinner we talked about how much we are enjoying Kyoto. Brendan decided that when we come back to Japan, we can visit Nobuko-san for a few days, then spend the rest of the time in Kyoto. Charlie mentioned that we probably won't be able to come back for a couple years at least (it's an expensive trip- although Kyoto isn't as expensive as Tokyo), but he also mentioned that perhaps Brendan will be able to get a job someday using his knowledge of japanese. Brendan followed that thought with the idea of living in Kyoto- but we'd have to visit him often :) I have no problem with that! Brendan decided that he's adding Shinto priest to his list of ideas for jobs when he grows up... The evening was very mellow- Brendan played Dragon Fable for a bit, we tried the tv but there wasn't anything good on, so we played a long game of Uno & tucked Brendan into bed.

Tomorrow is supposed to be rainy, so we're going to take a taxi to Nishijin, the textile centre, to a couple of shops & then maybe walk home (if it doesn't rain too hard). The in the afternoon, the concierge arranged an english-speaking guide for a tour of an old, special castle nearby that has lots of secret rooms & passageways- we thought it would be right up Brendan's alley... :)

Japan Day 15- Kyoto...

2007-06-27T08:16:00.001-04:00

Well, we seem to be getting accustomed (body-clock-wise) to being in this part of the world, because we all slept past 6:00 am today :) We went for breakfast at the coffee shop we discovered yesterday, called the "Colorado Cafe" (in Kyoto, Japan- go fig...). We all had the morning special of coffee or tea & lovely thick slices of toast, baked right there. Charlie added a "healthy salad" to his breakfast- it was coleslaw, really. Brendan had his first cafe latte, to mixed reviews (more bitter than cafe au lait :).

After breakfast we went back to the hotel to figure out the day's plan. Along with our Lonely Planet Kyoto guidebook, we are also using 2 books by Diane Durston, one with walking tours of Kyoto (a gift from our friends, the Scotts- thanks guys!) & one called "Old Kyoto", lent to us by our neighbour (thanks Joe!). We decided to make a short trip (3 stops) on the subway to the Gion district, which is the famous geisha territory in Kyoto. At 10:00-ish in the morning we were not likely to run into any geisha, but there were a lot of historical places to see, including some shinto shrines. Brendan was bothered a bit by tics, but setting kekkais helped, & the thought of visiting shrines motivated him quite a bit, too. He says he feels much better, tic-wise, after visiting a shrine (& he certainly copes better for a while). The subway wasn't busy at all & the signs were in english as well, so it wasn't hard to find our way. I had found some shops to look for in the "Old Kyoto" book, which features places that have been run by the same families for generations.

Our first stop was the Tatsumi Shrine, in Gion, a shrine dedicated to the arts. It sits at the top of the triangle of streets that borders the Gion district & is right next to the historic Shimbashi Bridge. It's very lovely & Brendan payed his first respects of the day there.

From there we walked a few blocks to the Yasaka Jinja, which dates from 1660. On the way over we found a shop selling a favourite omiyage from Kyoto, little candies in miniature obento boxes. They are really cute & the candy is really delicious (not the bland kind we get in the US). We got some to take home as gifts & some for us, of course. They also had fans there, not terribly expensive, & Brendan had been wanting a fan that was more japanese (than the Snoopy one we found at the 7-11 in Tokyo). I decided to get one, too, since it was pretty hot & muggy. (We did some damage at the drinks machines, too, due to the heat).

The Yasaka Jinja is a shinto temple- well, really a whole bunch of shrines. It was amazing. Brendan kept hitting us up for coins to put in the boxes (in denominations with 5 in them, for good luck :) so he could ring the bells & pay his respects. He had a wonderful time walking around there finding all sorts of shrines big & small. Charlie & I enjoyed all of the different, beautiful things to see in & on the shrines.

The lanterns were amazing...

And we were excited to see a miko, a shrine maiden, walking around. A very InuYasha touch!

After our visit to Yasaka we wandered back in the direction of the subway station looking for someplace to eat on the way (it was after noon by now). We headed into a couple of places but Brendan backed-out just as quickly because they were too smoky or smelled of fish. We did find one of the places in the "Old Kyoto" book, that sells things made from antique fabrics, so picked up some omiyage there. The owner put 5 yen coins in each gift before wrapping it, for good luck. We also saw 2 women wearing kimono as we walked back to the subway. Not finding a suitable place to eat, we finally decided to take the subway back & go to the convenience store again for bowl noodles & onigiri to take back to the hotel (& get more for dinner). I am enjoying being in Kyoto so much that I no longer feel deprived by not eating out :) Anyway, the onigiri are really good here- I got a little container of japanese pickles, too, & they were delicious. Charlie has discovered inarizushi- pockets of sweetened, fried tofu stuffed with rice- & he loves them, so he got more of those for his lunch.

We spent the afternoon hanging out in our room. Charlie had read about a small garden near the hotel that dates from 700 AD (!) & we thought we'd take a walk over, but Brendan was pretty ticcy in the afternoon, so I decided to stay with him & Charlie walked over to check it out. I have been doing some hand-sewing while we're in Japan, making some of the omiyage bags designed by Kumiko Sudo (from her book by the same name), so I was content to sit & stitch the afternoon away while Brendan alternated between Adventure Quest & tv for distraction from tics. We put on the NHK educational station at 4:30 & watched through dinner. It was a lot of fun- not just Pythagoras Switch, but other nifty shows (some were pretty goofy & gave Brendan serious giggles, which was neat). One even showed how aburage, what inarizushi is made from, is made! After dinner we played Uno together & Charlie planned tomorrow's trip, based on the weather (it looks to be the only non-rainy day for the rest of our visit). We're hoping to go to Uji, just outside of Kyoto, the tea-growing region. Ryokucha wo kaitai!! (I want to buy green tea!).

Japan Day 14- Mizumaki to Kyoto...

2007-06-26T08:47:00.000-04:00

This morning's excitement was that Brendan, who fell asleep pretty early yesterday (& fully clothed), woke up at around 2:00 am & was wide awake. Charlie had the presence of mind to park him in the spare room with the Kyoto guidebook, which he read for about 2 hours. At 4:00 he called out to us, so I went & got him back to bed & he fell asleep quickly. He slept till almost 7:30, thank goodness!

We had our last yummy breakfast at Nobuko-san's. We will really miss them! And her!! She's an amazing hostess...

We finished packing after breakfast & Nobuko-san brought her car to the front door around 9:30 for the trip to the Mizumaki station. We started saying our goodbyes in the car, in halting japanese, & by the time we were at the station I was in tears. I will really miss Nobuko-san & Tomoko. I felt like I was at home the whole time we visited with them. It was such an amazing experience. Tomoko came all the way to Kokura station with us, a half-hour trip on the train, to help us navigate the station & also help Charlie get our tickets to Kyoto. We'd decided to buy a Japan Rail pass for this part of the trip, because it's less expensive to travel (you can only buy a pass if you're not in Japan at the time of purchase). We had our pass vouchers, but needed to actually get the passes & tickets. Brendan & I parked with all of the luggage (now considerably lighter, but still daunting) on a bench while Tomoko & Charlie went to get the tickets. Brendan was somewhat ticcy, but we read one of the japanese Kamen Rider Den-O books we'd bought in Mizumaki & the time passed very quickly. They weren't gone for very long & things went just fine. The other issue was money- we hadn't counted on it being so difficult to cash traveler's cheques in Mizumaki & were running low. We needed enough for the taxi in Kyoto, to the hotel, & for obento on the train. Tomoko suggested getting drinks at the station, since it's less expensive. We decided we had enough (y)en (the "y" is silent) to make the trip & Charlie had already figured out where to get cheques cashed in Kyoto.

Then it was time to say goodbye to Tomoko, too. I ended up in tears again. When she gets back to our town in August it'll only be for a couple of days, since she's moving to Minnesota to start her doctoral programme. We are going to miss her so much!! We promised to email her when we got to Kyoto. Then we found the platform & waited about 15 minutes (in the company of Buddhist monks carrying omiyage in shopping bags :) for the train. It was a shorter trip than the one from Tokyo- only about 3 hours. We had to change trains about 20 minutes short of Kyoto, but it wasn't very difficult, except for lugging the bags. The time passed quickly & we had yummy obento again. Next thing we knew, we were at Kyoto station. Brendan & I again parked ourselves (on an out-of-the-way stairway this time) to read our book, & Charlie went to cash traveler's cheques. In no time he was back. We found a taxi pretty easily & the hotel was just about 15 minutes away.

Kyoto looked a lot like New York city to us- very urban & busy. Not many signs (except for the occasional temple :) of the much older, historic Kyoto we've read about. At the hotel we were greeted by women in kimono who spoke english, although we peppered our conversation with japanese as much as possible. After checking-in, we were guided to our room by a kimono-clad woman who answered any questions we had (Brendan & I were particularly interested in getting hooked up to the internet :). We settled in for a bit & let Brendan play Dragon Fable for half an hour, then decided to walk around the neighbourhood. We are right across the street from the Nijo-ji Castle, which we plan to visit while we're here. Charlie had found some possible restaurants in our Kyoto guidebook (we have been using the Lonely Planet books, for here & Tokyo, & they've been great), so we asked the concierge on our way out if any were within walking distance. She marked a map for us & also suggested a couple more saishoku (veggie) restaurants for us to try, plus marked the closest convenience store on our map. Good thing, because it started to sprinkle when we got outside, & we decided we didn't want to be outside when it really started to pour (the sky did not look promising), so headed for the convenience store for onigiri & bowl-noodles to bring back to our room for dinner (there is hot water & tea in the room). We found a great place for breakfast, too- a coffee shop with yummy bread & pastries.

We managed to get home without getting soaked & ate dinner sitting on the beds (Brendan had his noodles at the desk). After dinner Charlie got Brendan into the shower, since he hadn't bathed in days uncounted... Then we watched a slapstick comedy show on tv (you didn't really have to understand much japanese to get it...). We turned the tv off around 8:00 & Brendan was asleep very quickly. I have spent the evening posting these last 7 days of travels... Tomorrow- explore Kyoto!

Japan Day 13- Mizumaki...

2007-06-26T08:32:00.000-04:00

We woke early again, about 5:15, & Brendan was ticcing a lot (more of a Tourette’s type of ticcing, rather than anxiety) so we got him on the computer to watch a video, rather than expecting him to fall asleep again. We were up by 6:15, though. Tomoko & her mom were, too. Nobuko-san had had a tough night, up alot with indigestion from all of the rich foods over the weekend :( The plan had been to go to the post office when it opened, to send a box of things home (mostly books we’d either brought & already read or purchased here) & then hit the mall again. We thought that Shin-kun & Dai-chan had had such a good time with Brendan’s den-gasher that we’d asked their father if we could buy them each one. We also planned to get Brendan another Den-O toy, since we can’t get them in the US. Tomoko let us know that her mom wasn’t feeling well & that she was encouraging her to go to the doctor, & we also encouraged her to go, since our plans were flexible. She puttered around a bit (she helps Keiko-san get the boys off to school most mornings) & rested some, & by about 10:00 it was obvious that she wasn't going to the doctor. She decided she was feeling better & wanted to take us to the post office & store. I felt a little funny about putting her out like this, but she did seem to be feeling better. Brendan was still rather ticcy, but also motivated to get stuff for the boys (yeah, & for himself :), so we all piled into the car & headed out. The post office part of the trip would not have been successful without Tomoko, there were so many questions to be asked & answered, but in about half an hour we had bought a box, loaded & sealed it, & sent it on it’s way by boat (air was far too expensive). I sent a prayer or 2 along with it...

On to the mall. We wanted to make it a quick trip, for Nobuko-san’s sake, but it wasn’t to be. First, there were no more den-gashers. Brendan was getting the “henshin” (transformation) belt, so we got 3 of them, think that the boys would like them, too. Then, when we tried to pay by credit card, they wouldn’t take the very same card I used last Friday... after 15 minutes of trying to sort this out, I gave them our other card & it went through without a problem- go fig. We found Nobuko-san where she was sitting patiently & waiting for us, then she said she wanted to buy some food :) So Charlie & Brendan waited for us & I trailed after, interested in seeing the grocery store. I wish we had such cool foods at our local market! So many kinds of mushrooms, fresh edamame still on the stalks, & too many others to mention. Then, home to put batteries in Brendan’s new “henshin” belt & he was one happy camper :)

It really is cool- plays the special tunes for each Den-O transformation, flashes colours, & responds when you swipe the “chiketto” (ticket) by saying various things. We had some lunch next & then Brendan played for a bit while Charlie went for a walk & I made sure (through Tomoko) that Nobuko-san was really feeling well enough to go through with the planned tea ceremony lesson in the afternoon. She was, so I got ready. Charlie & Brendan settled in the spare room with my computer to watch a Marx Brothers movie.

There’s a particular form of tea ceremony that can be done at a western-style table & that’s what she showed me. First, she made tea twice, once for me & once for Tomoko, so I could watch. Then she “talked” me through it twice, once for herself & once again for Tomoko. It was an amazing expperience. We spent the most time on my trying to master a very intricate fold with a wet linen napkin, used to wash the bowl & catch drips. There was a particular hand to use for specific movements (moving utensils around in a graceful manner). There were particular things to say- I wrote them all down afterward. It was pretty neat. I can see why Nobuko-san enjoys cha-no-yu (tea ceremony) so much & why she's studied it & become a certified tea ceremony master.

Afterward, it was time for Nobuko-san to take Shin-kun & Dai-chan to after-school piano lessons. We worked on our thank-you cards, purchased yesterday, with Tomoko & watched some of the Pokemon Ranger movie until they came home. Nobuko-san had very kindly been worried that the hour & a half that they would be with us after lessons, until their parents got home from work, would be too chaotic for Brendan, so we decided that he could retreat to the spare room if needed & they would watch tv in the dining room. We also requested that Brendan have a snack at 6:00 pm (our usual dinner time at home), to help him self-regulate. This worked very well. Brendan was really ticcy when they got home, so I got him to the spare room & set him up with a computer game. We had decided to wait until their parents got home to give them their henshin belts, so Brendan put his away as well. He did very well playing on the computer, & the boys & I watched the Pokemon Ranger movie again. Nobuko-san made Brendan’s dinner early, rather than just making a snack, & that really helped him. He was in a great mood when it was time to give the boys their belts & happily demonstrated his. They were really excited :) In the end, all of the grownups decided that the belts were a much better choice than the den-gasher anyway :) The boys ended up staying & eating with us, in all the excitement, & then their parents came back to get them at around 8:00. We said our final thanks & good-byes to them. They are such wonderful people & it was really neat to get to know & spend time with them. At some point in these procedings, Brendan lay down on his futon & was fast asleep, in spite of all the noise of stereo henshin belts :) We marvelled at his abilty to fall asleep in the midst of chaos...

The we just chatted for a bit & then decided who would shower when (like the japanese, I am an evening showerer, so there was a line-up every night :).
Tomorrow- off on the shinkansen to Kyoto!

Japan Day 12- Ryokan to Mizumaki...

2007-06-26T08:19:00.000-04:00

The first order of business this morning was to be up & ready to watch our favourite shows, Gekiranger & Kamen Rider Den-O, on real-time tv (beginning at 7:30 in the morning). We slept very well & were up, dressed, & ready for our shows in plenty of time. Charlie (not one of those interested in watching tv) had a nice soak in the ofuro instead :) It was a hoot to watch our shows, ads & all, on the nice tv (in a traditional japanese ryokan), surrounded by such natural beauty. Breakfast was served right after our shows, but Brendan began feeling ticcy & didn’t want to leave the room. They kindly offered to send a tray with rice, salad, & fruit, so Brendan & I ate in the room together (they had hot water & tea in the room already). It wasn’t exactly the gourmet meal being served in the dining room, but taking the long view, I was probably better off with a light breakfast :) Unfortunately, the tics were just beginning for the day. I think partly he was just getting worn out, & partly the unpredictability of traveling with another family (& not understanding the language well enough to know what was happening next). We did get packed & in the van in a timely manner, but when he heard that we were headed for the Aso volcano museum he got kind of snarly.

The day was the rainiest yet, & the closer we got to the top of Aso-san (Mt. Aso) the harder it rained & the foggier it got. Had the museum been any higher we wouldn’t have made it, the fog was so dense. As it was, you couldn’t see the museum from the parking lot & just had to follow the lines of cars. It was pretty amazing.

Once inside I was ready for a potty stop & had my first close encounter with a japanese, old-style (traditional-style?) toilet. Whoa. They are long, skinny apparatuses set right into the floor that you basically squat over. My need for a toilet was great enough that I did it, in spite of my arthritic knees. Whoa. (Tomoko told me later that arthritis is not as common in Japan as it is in the US.) The museum was pretty neat, from our standpoint, but Brendan was not in the mood & took a lot of diverting. There was a room with a live camera feed from the crater of Aso-san & he messed with that for a bit, but we finally found a stairway back down to the lobby. He had had a tiny cup of coffee at breakfast at the onsen & loved it, so I told him I’d buy a hot coffee in a can from one of the ubiquitous vending machines. First time we’ve ever had a hot beverage in a can- interesting experience :) We shared it & it was pretty good, but it didn’t keep the tics away for long. We talked & walked until the rest of our group came out (we all made trips to the toilet again- I’m so brave :), then it was back to the van & down Aso-san, heading for a trained monkey show (which Brendan decided he’d stay in the van for). After driving for a bit it was decided that we’d never make the show anyway, so we went on to the next stop, a place known for it’s good omiyage (gifts to bring home) called Aso Farm Land. The rain picked up to nearly monsoon levels & I really marvelled at Kazuhiro-san’s driving ability.

After driving around the parking lot for a bit, he dropped us all off at an entrance & went to park. Aso Farm Land looked like something from Wisconsin that landed in the middle of southern Japan. The area around Aso-san is one of the few dairy farming places in Japan, which is not generally known for it’s dairy products. There was a huge section selling all sorts of interesting dairy-including products, cheese of course, but also candy, mochi (with red beans & cream cheese filling), cakes (lots of samples), cookies, breads- it was pretty amazing. There was a whole building selling local sake, an area with all sorts of organic teas & flavoured vinegars (vinegar is considered very healthy in Japan). Our party divided up between those who were hungry & needed diversion (Brendan, with Charlie in tow) & those who wanted to browse first, then eat (the rest of us). We agreed to meet at a certain time & were off to shop. I felt a little guilty leaving Charlie & Brendan, but they found a pizza restaurant & were gone without looking back :) I trailed after Tomoko & she explained alot of the different products to me. We found an area selling paper products & I found not only origami paper, but some traditional japanese cards. Tomoko suggested that we get one for the class we visited last Thursday & picked out a really magnificent one, a large, stiff rectangle of beautiful paper with gold accents. I also picked out cards for Tomoko’s mom & sister’s family, to thank them for hosting us. Our sub-group met for lunch & went to a “healthy foods” buffet restaurant. You took your shoes off before entering (putting them on shelves) & there was an area with low, traditional tables & one with western-type ones (where we settled). Then I trailed Tomoko around again while she told me what all the foods were in the huge buffet. Yum! We met up with Charlie & Brendan after lunch, & after ice cream for the boys, we went back to the entrance while Kazuhiro-san got the van to pick us up. The it was about 3 hours’ drive back to Mizumaki. At first the rain lulled nearly everyone to sleep, but after a rest-area stop Charlie suggested teaching Shin-kun to play Uno. I was sitting with Brendan, helping him keep it together, & then moved over so he could join in with the Uno game if he wanted. Charlie, Tomoko, & Shin-kun played for a while & then Brendan joined in for a hand. He had a nice time, but wore out quickly. Shin-kun really enjoyed it & by the end of the game he was calling out the colours in english & Charlie was able to call them out in japanese :) The rain stopped by the time we got home, around 6:00, so the boys could run around outside for a bit. Kazuhiro-san went to return the rental van & Keiko-san went out to buy some take-out food, to add to the rice & soup Nobuko-san made. We didn’t eat until after 7:00 pm & unfortunately, no matter how many snacks we fed Brendan, he was headed for meltdown no matter what, most likely due to being off his usual schedule. We got him to the smaller room where our duffel bags were stored, but it was obvious to everyone that he was in distress. Charlie & I took turns eating & staying with him, but the intensity of his anxiety, sometimes sadness & sometimes fury, just wouldn’t calm down. Finally, Tomoko’s sister’s family went home & we half-carried him to bed. He lay in bed moaning & crying for about half an hour, while we kept tabs on him (but left him alone at his request), then, miraculously, he appeared & told us he felt better & wanted to eat. He ate a decent meal (it was after 8:00 by then) & Charlie got him into his jammies, brushed teeth, & he was into bed & asleep almost immediately.

We chatted with Tomoko after that, just kind of calming down ourselves. On one hand, it’s nice that this was the first & only time on our trip that he’s been in such extreme distress. We could understand why he was so dysregulated, too. This sort of weekend is not anything we’d ever attempt at home. On the other hand, it was the only way we’d ever have been able to see so much of Japan, from a family’s point of view. It was a precious experience & more than memorable. So the whole thing had a bittersweetness to it. Tomoko, whose field is family therapy & counseling, was a kind & sympathetic listener :) The main thing was that Brendan was safely in bed. We followed suit.

Japan Day 11- Onsen to Ryokan...

2007-06-26T08:04:00.000-04:00

Brendan was very excited to try the ofuro this morning, so Charlie got him washed off & they both got into the outside tub for a soak.

Breakfast was another feast with many different dishes.

It had become obvious while we were there that the onsen owners had rarely hosted anyone from the US before- they were very curious about us- so Charlie made sure to leave them a postcard & some of the candy we’d brought from home. We got on the road about 9:30 & headed for the town of Yufuin for some shopping & sightseeing. As we drove along the narrow roads I kept finding myself feeling as though I were travelling through the Adirondacks (except with bamboo groves...) & even Yufuin reminded me of a japanese version of Lake Placid. I think that my mind just couldn’t quite wrap itself around the idea that I was half a world away from home & kept finding familiar aspects to a very different place.

Brendan was not interested in shopping, so Charlie & I took shifts staying with him in the van (parked in a central parking area). I shopped for a bit then went back so that Charlie could look around & then walk with everyone to a small, beautiful lake nearby. It was actually kind of nice to rest in the van (Brendan was very happy messing with the den-gasher. Brendan & I walked over to a nearby grocery store at one point & found some “okashi” (snacks), plus I was just curious to see a japanese grocery store :)

After everyone came back from the walk we went to a lovely restaurant for lunch. It was called “Ume Hana” (Plum Flower) & specialised in tofu dishes. Perfect :) Most of us had the small “set” meal, which featured a bunch of different, beautiful, delicious dishes.

We all sat at one long table, tatami-style (on cushions). After lunch we piled back in the van, heading for Aso-san, which has the largest crater of any active volcano in the world. Unfortunately, there were clouds sitting on Aso-san, & although we made it to the visitors’ centre (& gift shop :), there was nothing to see! We couldn’t even see the van from the gift shop!! It was still pretty amazing, to be inside a cloud near the crater of a volcano. We stopped & Charlie got postcards, then we drove back down & headed for the next stop. We stopped by a famous apple bakery on the way & 20 minutes later we found our ryokan (traditional japanese inn). This was a much larger place, with a big staff. They carried in our luggage, asked for our choice of yukata colour, & then sat us all down for tea & sweets while our rooms were prepared. There was a short tour, to show us where the different outdoor hot springs baths were, then we were shown to our rooms. There was time before dinner for a soak, so Brendan went in first (we had an indoor bath in our rooms) & then I followed. We all put on yukata & then rested before dinner.

Brendan lost patience with his yukata before dinner, so he changed to his regular clothes. When we got to dinner we found that the younger boys had also opted for their regular clothes, although the adults were in full yukata (& some wearing hanten jackets over them- but we were pretty warm without them, so left them behind). Dinner was amazing- & comfortable, since the low tables had wells for our feet. We were served a special sai-shoku meal (no grilling, no meat or fish) that was at least 10 courses. Amazing! Our table was next to a window looking out over a beautiful rice field. Brendan lost patience with it all at various points, but his good humour was maintained by a steady stream of bowls of rice & occasional sips of dad’s beer :) & tea. The staff was very friendly & kind. The food was gorgeous & interesting & like nothing we’d ever had. We made it up to the 9th course, then had to go back to our room & get him into bed, so they brought the fruit course to our room. Brendan fell asleep pretty quickly & Charlie had a soak in the bath. The peepers sang us to sleep.

Japan Day 10- Mizumaki to the Onsen

2007-06-26T07:38:00.000-04:00

This morning we didn’t wake up until 6:30! Brendan read until we all got up at 7:00. We had another lovely breakfast. Nobuko-san has very kindly been aware that Charlie doesn’t care for japanese food as much as Brendan & I do, so she’s been making him a different sort of meal for breakfasts. Yesterday he had home-baked bread (Keiko-san has a bread machine), a green salad, & miso soup. Today he had some of the pumpkin soup from last night, a plate with butter & cheese cubes, & there was an assortment of anpan (red bean paste buns) & “kuremu” pan (creme buns) along with more home-baked bread. Brendan had his usual gohan, soup, & edamame, & the rest of us had gohan, soup, and an assortment of fish cake, tamagoyaki, fresh veggies, & pickles, with grated daikon radish. Yum! Nobuko-san served some japanese peach slices, fresh from her garden, afterward (very different from american peaches) & yummy home-made yoghurt with home-made jam. All this with mugi-cha (iced barley tea), fresh-squeezed orange juice, & ryoku-cha (green tea). So many flavours & textures & colours- so amazing!

After breakfast Charlie got Brendan into the shower, & then they put some water into the tub so he could have a soak (kawaii...!). We did some packing for our weekend travels & Brendan finished his Artemis Fowl book. Just before 10:00 we piled into Nobuko-san’s car to head for a morning of shopping at a local mall. There were some things we’d been really wanting to get- things that we can’t find in the US, such as Kamen Rider Den-O paraphenalia, more dvds, & some manga. Fortunately, we found just about everything we wanted! Brendan was in Kamen Rider heaven, but was able to narrow his purchases down to the “Den-gasher” (a transformer-like tool they riders use) & an action figure of his favourite rider form. We also found 2 more pokemon movies in japanese- hooray!!- plus a Pythagoras Switch dvd -hooray! hooray!. I also found the manga I was looking for, with some help from Tomoko. We decided to eat lunch while we were there (I convinced Tomoko & her mom to let me buy them lunch), so Charlie & Brendan found pizza & the rest of us had various sorts of noodles. Yum again. Afterward, Nobuko-san took us for a look at the sea, in the town where Tomoko grew up (Ashiya), & we even drove past the middle school that she & her sister went to. The day was rainy & foggy but we still enjoyed the views of the sea & the big river that leads to it.

Back home again, Brendan played with his den-gasher while finished packing for the weekend trip & rested for a bit. Tomoko had told us that her sister had rented a van for the trip, since caravaning in 2 cars seemed too difficult. We couldn’t believe the size of the van when we saw it. It comfortably held 10 people (there were 9 of us) & all of our luggage! By japanese standards, where small is the norm, this was nearly the size of a city bus :) We all piled in after Dai-chan & Shin-kun got home from school (Keiko-san took the day off & Kazuhiro-san came home early). The first stop for the weekend was an onsen (hot springs spa) in Yufuin (pronounced “yu-hoo-in”). It took about 2 hours to get there, but the amazing scenery made the time fly by. The boys played with Brendan’s den-gasher for most of the trip, & Brendan did a great job of trying to communicate with them. Dai-chan is very “genki” (spirited), something Brendan isn't accustomed to, but he did beautifully. At one point I figured out how to ask Nobuko-san what some feathery trees were called & discovered that they were bamboo (takei)!

The onsen was on an incredibly narrow road & it was touch-&-go getting the van up it & parked. It was a very small, intimate place & we were the only guests that night. It was really beautiful & featured both an indoor & outdoor (private) hot springs bath. The water comes directly from underground volcanic springs, so it was incredibly hot. It was obviously full of minerals, too, because it made you as buoyant as sea water. Brendan & the other boys played with various swords & the den-gasher outside while we all settled into our rooms. Dinner wasn’t until after 7:00, which was pretty late for Brendan. Also, although Tomoko had requested “sai-shoku” (vegetarian) food for us, it wasn’t exactly veggie, so she had me check things out ahead of time & then had them remove anything that might bother Brendan (there was some pretty graphic fish that was moved to the other table, where Tomoko & her family would be sitting). There was a gas grill at the table & we grilled vegetables (there was meat & fish for Tomoko's family, too) right there, then dipped them in sauce & ate them. There was also an amazing assortment of side-dishes prepared many different ways, & all beautiful to look at. Brendan was content with about 3 bowls of rice for dinner, which amazed the owner (he & his wife did the cooking & serving, too). Charlie took him back to our room before the end of the meal, since he was exhausted from the day. I joined them after a bit, & then Charlie & I decided to wash & soak in the outside “ofuro” (hot springs bath). We had to add cold water (from a tap) to make it possible to get in, but once we were used to it it was lovely.

We all slept on futons again, all in a row, just like at Nobuko-san’s. We were able to sleep past 6:00 am again. Hooraay!

Japan Day 9- Mizumaki

2007-06-26T06:12:00.000-04:00

After our first night of sleeping on futons on the floor (surprisingly comfortable), we all woke at the much more civilised hour of 5:30 am (rather than the 4:00 that has been the norm since we got here) & got up for breakfast around 6:00. Charlie & Brendan went for a walk before breakfast. Nobuko-san made us a traditional japanese breakfast of gohan, lovely soup, tamagoyaki (rolled omelet), kamabuko (pressed fish cake- these were made in her hometown by the sea & particularly delicious), grated daikon radish, & pickles. Brendan had his usual edamame & gohan :) She also made us fresh-squeezed natsumikan juice, a citrus fruit that’s very sour (Brendan had lots of sugar syrup in his) & very refreshing. It was wonderful. Today’s plan was to visit the local elementary school (Eburi Sho Gakkou) where Shin-kun & Dai-chan are students & participate in a 4th-grade class- including the english class- for the morning. All japanese elementary school are within walking distance of their homes & school buses are practically unheard of, so we walked over & arrived at the expected time of 9:30. Brendan was really looking forward to meeting more japanese kids, but also just a bit nervous. Tomoko was with us to translate, though, so I reminded him he could ask her for help any time. It was a very warm day, humid, & looked like rain to boot, - good day to be indoors :) We were greeted by the vice-principal, exchanged our shoes for slippers, & then went to the principal’s office for an official greeting & some green tea.

Then the teacher (Nobuoko-sensei) whose class we were visiting came down with a contingent of kids & led us to the class. Elementary school children don’t usually wear uniforms, so the school felt very like home- like Brendan’s own school. There were about 25 kids in the class & they were all very excited & curious to see us. They were having a calligraphy (“shuu-ji”) lesson, with ink & brush, & were all writing the kanji for the word “bug” (“mushi”). They had set up 3 desks for Brendan, Charlie, & me to also practice writing. The teacher showed us all the proper order to make the brush strokes & we got to work. It wasn’t long, though, before most of the kids were up & watching us. They were very generous with their praise :) After that, the vice-principal took us on a tour of the school during the class's next lesson. Brendan was feeling a bit overwhelmed by his popularity (& the heat), so we ended up in the library (where the librarian kindly put on the air conditioning for a bit) & looked a Miyazaki movie picture books while we cooled down & caught out breaths. Then we went back to the classroom for their english lesson, taught by a man from the US (whom we really didn’t get to speak to much, but was very nice). He made the lesson very fun (they had to guess objects by feel, hidden under a sheet, then say what they were in english), then moved on to talking about the japanese holiday of Tanabata, where you make wishes. He had them write the sentence “I want to be a ___” on a piece of paper (the sort you write Tanabata wishes on, then hang on bamboo trees for the wish to come true) & then handed around a chart with pictures of occupations for them to choose & write in english to finish the sentence. Brendan was given a desk & I sat right beside him to help translate. A girl nearby lent him a pencil, & while they were working, all of the kids were surreptitiously chatting to Brendan about Pokemon :) (We had sent, via Tomoko, self-introductions that explained a bit about ourselves. Brendan had mentioned liking Pokemon, Kamen Rider Den-O & Gekirangers, & I mentioned liking origami :) Brendan wrote “I want to be a Pokemon Trainer” on his piece of paper, much to all the kids’ delight. Just sitting at the desk & interacting with a smaller group of kid really helped him re-equilibrate, & he was really ready to participate with the rest of the lesson- which was a rather raucous game supposedly teaching the concepts “left”, “right”, & “straight”.

The kids were paired as car & driver & the driver had to tell the car which way to go, in english. Things became rather mad when the teacher declared one of the cars a “monster car” (funny eyes drawn on a towel & pinned around their eyes), with loads of squealing as kids avoided the monster car. It was a riot. Brendan was right there in the middle of things & had a great time. After english class, we all took chairs & moved to the larger room next door for introductions.

There was a greeting on the blackboard with lots of pictures of pokemon & one of the kids came forward to give a greeting for the whole class. Then all of the kids came up in groups of 5 & introduced themselves individually, telling us their names & favourite foods & activities (& fave pokemon, of course :). Tomoko translated as they went along. Then each group came over to where we were sitting & gave us origami that they’d made! Amazing origami. I tried very hard to admire each one as it came to us, & Brendan kept saying “sugoi!”, which means “awesome!”. Then it was our turn. We shared a book we’d made of Brendan’s life in the US, following him through a whole year, showing friends, holidays, & school. I had a second copy of the book that I walked around with while Brendan read the captions on the photos. Tomoko translated for us. We left one of the books as a gift for the class. Then, it was time for “kyuu-shoku” (lunchtime) & for us to go home. It was difficult to leave. We told them they were awesome & that we appreciated how well they had cared for us. A group followed us down to the pricipal’s office & we made our thanks & goodbyes to him. Then, we said final thanks, gave final handshakes & bows, put up our umbrellas, & walked home.

Brendan was exhausted after our visit, but he made so many friends! These kids were so interested in him & what he liked, & wanted to talk to him very much. Tomoko had explained to us that for many of these kids, we were the first westerners they’d seen. There is one teacher in the school from the US (the english teacher), but they’d probably never seen a kid from the US before. I was so proud of how well Brendan held up under the scrutiny of so many curious kids. He really wanted to communicate with them, too! Interestingly, one kid who attached himself very closely to Brendan was obviously a special needs kid. From what I’ve read & learned from Tomoko, only the most severly disabled kids go to special schools. (In fact, Tomoko’s father was the principal of a school for disabled kids when he was alive.) On the other hand, what happens to kids who have special needs but can physically attend their neighbourhood school can't exactly be called mainstreaming. Most of them go to school & their teachers just cope with them. The boy who followed Brendan around, Kaishi-kun, seemed bright & very with-it, but was also unable to sit for more than 30 seconds, seemed hypotonic to me (just like Brendan), & was usually latched onto his teacher’s side for guidance (when he wasn’t latched onto Brendan :). Unlike the other kids, who were wearing socks & the special slippers worn by schoolchildren, he was barefoot. He also seemed to be wearing vestiges of everything he’d done that day on his clothes- including the ink from the writing lesson :) The other kids in his class took part in trying to keep him in hand, part of the japanese group-functioning in action, & there were quite a few choruses of “Kaishi-kun!!!” when he wandered to where he wasn’t supposed to be. When we got home Brendan mentioned that Kaishi-kun had been a bit different than the rest of the class & I asked Tomoko if he would probably be considered a special-ed kid if he were in the US. She agreed that he would be, & would probably be having other needs, such as fine-motor skills & social skill assistance if he were in the US, but it wasn’t likely to happen in Japan. Sigh.

We didn’t get home until 1:00 & were really ready for lunch. Nobuko-san made us her famous okonomiyaki for lunch- yum!! Okonomiyaki means “as you like it” & is pancakes fried with any filling you like. She made edamame ones for Brendan (of course) & ours had cabbage & seafood. Mmmmm.... oishii!! (Yummy!) After lunch Brendan lay down on his futon & read Artemis Fowl for a couple hours. He was really tired. I revved-up the laptop & downloaded today’s photos & shared our travel photos so far with Tomoko & Nobuko-san. I spent the next couple of hours writing about the the past couple days’ adventures. Brendan, much to my surprise & delight, immersed himself in the Artemis Fowl book for about an hour, until Charlie suggested that they go for a walk (Brendan brought his new katana set to practise with). He had a “tic attack” when they got home, this first since we got too Mizumaki. We set a kekkai & in time he was able to get back to his book. I can’t say enough how impressed I’ve been with his ability to self-regulate since we got here. We’re still pretty jet-lagged, & he’s had occasional anxiety about saying or doing the wrong thing, but he’s basically been happy & involved with what we’re doing.

Brendan read on his futon (contrary to usual custom. Tomoko suggested that we keep the futons available for napping rather than putting them away in the closet for the day) until dinner, then joined us in the dining room. Nabuko-san made a lovely dinner of squash soup, fish, side-veggies, & gohan (Brendan had his usual soup, edamame, & gohan). Brendan had his first difficult meal-moments when he saw the fish. He’d been feeling pretty confident about being near fish being eaten, but he had trouble with seeing the remaining bones & skin, plus the little bit of smell. He was quiet about his distress & managed to stay at the table with us until he was done eating, then quietly went back to his book. I was really proud of him! After we were done eating Charlie gathered up the fish remains & made the table a fish-free zone for Brendan, so he could rejoin us for suica (watermelon), tea, &- Pokemon!. Tomoko had checked the tv listings & found when it would on & we were very excited to see the new Diamond & Pearl series. There are some new characters, although Satoshi (Ash), Takeshi (Brock), &, of course, Pikachu are still there. It was fun to see. After pokemon was Naruto, which Brendan had never seen. He got sleepier & sleepier while watching it, &, after promising us that he’d shower in the morning, Charlie got him into his jammies & he was asleep as soon as he got under the covers.

We stayed up a chatted for a while, then Charlie went to bed & I went to shower & get ready for bed. Tomorrow we are doing some shopping & in the afternoon we leave for our ryokan & onsen weekend!

Japan Day 8- Tokyo to Mizumaki

2007-06-26T05:57:00.000-04:00

Today was probably the toughest day of the trip so far, mostly because we had to haul our own luggage (Brendan said that he now understands where the term “lug” comes from) through Tokyo Station to the proper gate to catch the Nozomi (the fastest of the Shinkansen, or bullet trains). We were up early, as usual, & packing commenced with a short break for breakfast. We had all of the omiyage gifts for Tomoko’s family still, & adding to that some leftover food (that we can probably use in Kyoto) & a fair amount of pokemon paraphenalia, it made packing a very interesting activity. By adding a couple of tote bags to the mix we were able to get it all ready to go. Charlie had asked for a taxi to be sent at 8:50 am & they were prompt, as usual in Japan. We were prompt, too, & said our thanks to the the front desk staff of the apaato. The taxi dropped us off at the nearest entrance to our gate, but it was still quite a hike. Getting into the train station was exactly like riding the metro- you put your ticket into the slot & it’s spit out farther along- so that went with only the minor hitch that the duffel bags really didn’t fit through the gate, so Charlie handed them over to me. Brendan got tired of hauling his quite early on, so he took the laptop bag from me & I took one of Charlie’s small bags & he took 2 duffels- I don’t know how he did it. We were all quite breathless when we got to the waiting area. It was just a 20 minute wait until we could board the train. The seats were very nice, lots & lots of leg room! We were in car 11 of a 16-car train, in a no-smoking compartment. The car was full of businessmen & outside of another mother with a very small child, there were no other women or children in our car. The train left on time at 9:50 am & we were headed south, to the island of Kyushu.

It was about 5 hours on the train but it really didn’t seem that long. We had eaten so early that we were ready to try an “obento” about 10:30. The train “obento” (lunchboxes) are famous- they vary from station to station & region to region & feature foods particularly known in that area of Japan. Ladies pushed carts through the train at intervals, selling beverages & snacks & obento. I asked for a menu & got one that looked like it had a lot of vegetables (from the picture). It was delicious & we consumed it within about 5 minutes. There were rice rolls that Brendan really enjoyed, & he ate some veggies, too. There was a piece of salmon that was just delicious (I was the adventurous one who found that out :). Basically, I ate anything that was unidentifiable & Charlie & Brendan ate the rest. The we settled in for a long ride. Brendan, who usually wants a great deal of diversion, just wanted to read his book (he finished his Droon book a couple of days ago & has moved onto the latest Artemis Fowl). Charlie requested the window seat (he’s usually stuck on the aisle because of his long legs) & really enjoyed the scenery. I dozed for a bit & then began knitting a pair of socks. After the first stop the crowd in our car changed to more of a mix of women (shopping) & non-businessmen male travelers.

About an hour before the end of the ride we shared another delicious obento- completely different from the first. We rode out of the almost relentlessly sunny weather (unusual for this time of year in Japan) & into some rain by the time we got to Kokura Station, where Tomoko was meeting us. It was so good to see her & know we’d be spending the week with she & her mom, & meeting the rest of her family. We took a train, another 30 minutes ride, to the small town of Mizumaki, where her family lives. We had so much baggage that we ended up taking a taxi & having her mom bring her car as well. Actually, the amount of baggage wasn’t so much the issue, but the size of japanese cars was :) They really are considerably smaller than cars in the US, which is probably a good thing for the environment. The drive to Nobuko-san’s house was just another 10 minutes, & then we were there!

Tomoko’s mom’s house is a typical japanese house- one storey with lots of rooms with sliding doors between them. It’s surrounded by a narrow garden with lots of flowers & plants (Nobuko-san is an avid gardener). Somehow we got all of our stuff into the house & our shoes off in the right place (the entrance is raised, with a place to leave your shoes, & you’re supposed to make the transition without touching the upper level with a shoe or the lower with a bare/stockinged foot). Everyone understands that these features are new to us, & are being very understanding about it :) There was a room for us to stow everything & then we were welcomed by Nabuko-san with cold tea in her western-style dining room (with a table & chairs like we have at home). We chatted & then watched tv for a bit until Tomoko’s nephews drifted home to join us. Right before dinner Tomoko & her mom set 2 low tables together in a room adjoining the dining room & got them ready for us all to have dinner, sitting on the floor (on thin pillows) in the traditional manner. (Tomoko was worried at first that we wouldn’t be able to do this, because we’re really not used to sitting on the floor, but we really wanted to try & to be right there with everyone.) There were 9 of us for dinner, when everyone finally got home from work & school. The 3 of us, Tomoko & Nobuko-san, Shin-kin & Dai-chan (Tomoko’s nephews), & her sister Keiko-san & brother-in-law Kazuhiro-san. Brendan was really looking forward to meeting Shin-kun & Dai-chan (7&8 years old). The boys were a bit shy at first, though. Nobuko-san made chirashi-zushi for us as a celebration dinner, with all sorts of side dishes & omisoshiru (miso soup). She made plain gohan (rice) & edamame (fresh, not frozen) for Brendan, having asked me back when she visited us at our home what he likes best. It was so nice to finally meet Keiko-san & Kazuhiro-san & their boys, after hearing about them for so long. We chatted over dinner, Tomoko translating as necessary, & then the 3 boys got restless so we got out the omiyage & gave the boys their gifts. They were quite happy to have american toys :) We brought some easy legos & a remote-contol vehicle for Dai-chan (“chan” indicates the younger of the 2) & 3 bigger legos for Shin-kun (“kun” indicates an older child), which Brendan happily helped him with. We also had a bag of sweets from the best candy shop in town & small toys for each of them, but they’ll probably get to them when the glamour of the bigger toys wear off :) Charlie demonstrated how a kazoo works, to everyone’s amazement & amusement. As we adults finished up our meals we then gave the tie-dyed shirts to everyone, & I had made some shawls & smaller gifts for the ladies, & Charlie had a wooden boat screensaver for Kazehiro-san. Keiko-san gave us some pretty cloths, made locally, & a couple of uchiwa fans (the round-ish kind that don’t fold), which were very useful, since we arrived right at the beginning of the hot/humid/rainy season. There was a rather Christmasy atmosphere for a while :) Then it was time to get the younger boys home (they live right next door) & to bed, since they had school the next day. Brendan had crawled off to another room & was sound asleep, laying on the tatami mat on the floor with his head on a duffel bag. He woke up long enough to change to jammies & for the low tables to be moved & futons set on the floor for all of us. This is another japanese tradition- the multiple uses of rooms. Charlie also got his jammies on & joined Brendan in our room, while I had my first (& I’m happy to say successful) encounter with a japanese shower. (You sit on a little stool & use a hand-held shower nozzle to wash. If you want to soak in the tub, you have to wash first. It was a very warm evening, so I passed on the soak.) By the time I got onto my futon Brendan & Charlie were aleep. Nobuko-san has small air-conditioning units in each room, & with the sliding doors shut the air became quite lovely & cool, just right for sleeping. And so I did!

Tokyo Day 6...

2007-06-19T07:27:00.000-04:00

Well, we did it! This is the Kaminari Gate of the Senso-Ji Temple, the oldest temple in Japan.

We all woke up at the usual hour (snore) & read (Brendan) or dozed (parental units) until about 5:30 am. I was keen to get 2 loads of wash done today in the teeny-tiny washer, so that was my motivation for being up :) I took a walk over to the 7-11 after breakfast to pick up some onigiri rice balls & other stuff for a picnic lunch. Thanks to the ubiquitous beverage vending machines, we didn't have to carry beverages with us. It was very pleasant to greet people I passed with "ohayo goziamus" (good morning :). Brendan seemed to be maintaining his newly-found sense of equlibrium, which was very comforting. He played AQ & watched tv while we waited for the banks to be open, since we wanted to change some traveler's cheques on our way to the day's adventure. Brendan headed out with a bottle of coke, which was still working as a tic-buster. The foreign money exchange person at the bank was obviously from the US, & as we chatted she asked me where we were from... & it turns out she's from our town! We even knew people in common from when we were high school age. Charlie gave her one of the postcards he picked up at a local festival before we left, to give as small gifts to people here. She said it made her very nostalgic. Such a small world!

Today's metro ride was the longest yet- 2 stops on one line & 13 on another- all the way to the end of the Ginza Line to Asakusa. Brendan actually dozed a bit leaning on Charlie's shoulder. We were lucky to have a good map for after the subway ride & only went half a block the wrong way before finding our way to the street leading to the Senso-Ji temple.

This was the street between the main temple gates, full of vendors of all sorts, many selling charms ("omamori"), but also toys & fans & fabric & samurai swords, both fake & real! We explained to Brendan that the first pass. toward the shrine, would be look-only, but that we would buy stuff on the way out. We didn't want him all anxious every time he passed something interesting & we wanted to enjoy our time at the shrine. Charlie had read about the customs in his guidebooks, so we were prepared with coins in the "5" denominations (better luck) to toss in the offering boxes.

Here's Brendan at a purifying well, getting ready to visit the main shrine.

There were lots of little shrines & gardens around, too. Some of the gardens were burial places for famous people. The atmosphere passed from tranquil to festival & back again as we walked around. One of the temples was hundreds of years old & had avoided being destroyed by fire, earthquake, & war. There were a lot of foreign visitors, but far more japanese visitors to the shrine, which one of the guidebooks calls "the spiritual centre of Tokyo". After a while we found some drinks vending machines on a side street & then sat on the edge of one of the parks for our onigiri picnic. It was the warmest day yet & we were pretty tired from wandering around. Although it was crowded, Brendan did very well. There was a lot to keep his mind off tics- many dragons & phoenixes, huge incense burners where you could waft the smoke over yourself for purification, lots of statues & paths. We even caught sight of a Shinto priest, which Brendan thought very cool (very InuYasha :).

Then it was time to hit the street of shops. Brendan was desperate for a plastic samurai sword set & had scoped them out on the way in. I took out my list of people we want to bring gifts home to & started to work. There were a lot of neat, small things made from chirimen fabric- beautiful, crinkle-woven fabric that's uniquely japanese- so I was able to find some very pretty things. It was fun to try to talk to the shopkeepers in japanese, too. Brendan's "tail" (braid) always inspires looks & comments :) The husband of one shopkeeper noticed him rubbing his neck & proceded to give him a back rub! He coped very well with that :) (Charlie was in hysterics, laughing.) One of the things I was very keen to get in Asakusa was a traditional Tokyo treat called "taiyaki" & we found lots of stalls selling it. Taiyaki is fried sweet bread in cute shapes that's filled with anko- red bean paste. Although we were tempted to eat it right there, it's considered rude to eat on the street, so we resisted & waited until we got home. It was a long trip- maybe 40 minutes- but we all held up just fine. I made a pot of green tea & we enjoyed our taiyaki:

The rest of the day was enjoyably quiet. Brendan worked on his samurai sword moves, after getting Charlie to share one of his belts with him so he could wear them "properly". I explained to him that samurai would have worn them stuck through the ties of their hakama (like InuYasha) but western pants (& shorts) aren't built to do that. Charlie took a last walk around the neighbourhood & got pictures of 2 more small shrines that we hadn't had time to visit. We caught Pythagoras Switch & Kim Possible again. After a dinner of edamame, ramen, & microwave pizzas, we started tidying-up & I packed most of Brendan's clothes back in his duffel bag. Tomorrow morning we leave Tokyo for the southern Island of Kyushu, to the town of Mizumaki where Tomoko & her family live. Charlie emailed Tomoko to let her know that we got tickets on the 9:50 am Nozomi, so she'll know when to come get us at the station.

I can hardly believe the Tokyo leg of our trip is nearly over! We'll be back for just one night the day before we fly back to the US, so our sightseeing is pretty much done. Charlie arranged for a taxi to get us tomorrow at 8:45. The 2 loads of laundry are done & are hanging-up to finish drying. Tomoko says (in an email) that her family is ready & waiting to see us. I may not be able to post daily while we're in Mizumaki, but I'll do my best. The day after tomorrow we'll be visiting a japanese elementary school, & then on the weekend we'll be going to a traditional inn (ryokan) & a hot springs resort (onsen) with Tomoko's extended family (mom, sister, brother-in-law, & 2 nephews), which will be quite an adventure. I'll write again as soon as I can!

Tokyo Day 5...

2007-06-18T18:17:00.000-04:00

A funny thing happened on the way to the Senso-ji Shrine...

Well, not quite on the way. :) We all woke up at our usual 4:00 am-ish (big sigh) & so we had resolved to be back from our travels by mid-afternoon so that we could try napping to see if that might help us adjust to the time difference. The idea was to leave the apaato just after 9:00 am (to avoid rush hour), but Brendan fell sound asleep on the sofa just before we were going to leave. Charlie & I have learned that it's best to let Brendan follow his own body's rhythms, so we tiptoed around for a bit, & when it seemed that he was going to sleep for a while, we turned on the tv in the bedroom & found the cheezy samurai show station. (This is a real station- I'd read about it, but watching it was sublime, although I am a sucker for costume dramas :) Brendan slept for nearly 2 hours, so we decided to check out a nearby restaurant that appeared to have "american food" for lunch instead of jumping on the metro. I was psyched- we've been here for nearly a week & I've only eaten in a restaurant once! The tics were pretty well under control on our walk to lunch & they had fries & a milkshake for Brendan (I carry lactaid tablets for both of us :). We enjoyed a leisurely lunch & the waitstaff seemed to enjoy our (particularly Brendan's) attempts to speak to them in japanese.

After lunch we walked back to the apaato &, at first we thought just Charlie would go on the metro to Tokyo station to buy our tickets for the Nozomi (bullet train) for Wednesday's morning's trip to Kyuushu (to stay with Tomoko & her family). But Brendan decided he really wanted to go shopping we we knew there were department stores near the station, so we all headed for the station, Brendan with a cold coke in hand to fend-off tics. He really seemed like a different kid after his nap. More relaxed, happier, & the tics were pretty well under his control. They were there, but he was able to keep them from bothering him by skipping & holding the coke. We took 2 different lines to Tokyo station, which took about 20 minutes. Our only mishap occurred while Charlie (with some minimal linguistic assistance from me) was buying the tickets. Brendan was sitting on a bench behind us when we heard him yell "mazuey!" (which means, literally, "yucchy", but can also mean "this is bad!"). He'd been swinging his coke & then opened it to take a drink... you can guess the rest. I was able to clean it up with just one mini-pack of kleenex & nobody seemed too fussed. They really cut kids a lot of slack here in Japan, which I am appreciating very much! Brendan & I went out after that & let Charlie finish up his transactions.

We got a picture of Tokyo Station, built in the 1920's & only minimally damaged by bombs during the war...

... and Brendan got another manhole cover-ish picture :)

We headed out for a department store but discovered that they had no toy department (Brendan is really keen to look for Kamen Rider Den-O paraphenalia that he's seen advertised after the show. See- this is one of the reasons we don't watch network tv in the US, & normally we're safe from adverts that originate in Japan, but since we're here... & I'm kind of curious myself about them :). Looking at the map, we realised that we were within a couple blocks of the Pokemon Centre, so we headed back there & Brendan was delighted to find a pokeball set he hadn't seen the other day, plus we got a different Deoxys dvd & a couple more plushies :) For me :) :)

We were pretty tired when we got back home, in the late afternoon, so we hit the 7-11 (& finally found some onigiri & sushi there for dinner- yay!) & then went back & vegged in front of the tv until it was time to eat. We flipped between Disney, marvelling at the japanese dubs for familiar shows, & NHK educational tv. It actually was a treasure hunt, since we really were hoping to catch "Pythagoras Switch" on NHK & Kim Possible in japanese. We hit gold!! We saw an advert (during "Riro andu Suteechi") saying that KP would be on at 5:30, & when we switched to NHK at 5:00 we caught Pythagoras Switch!! Both shows were sublime. We took turns shouting out plot developments as we puzzled them out (during KP) & Brendan decided he really liked the character voices better in japanese, even Rufus' :)

After a yummy dinner of 7-11 onigiri & a huge bowl of edamame, Charlie got Brendan into the shower & jammies, & then we played a few rounds of Uno. Then we put NHK back on until Brendan was practically asleep on the sofa. The kids' programming segued into general educational, & a show came on where they seemed to be interviewing a mother... then I caught a word I recognised: "jiheisho". Autism!! I listened more carefully, & indeed, the show was about a family with an autistic child. I couldn't believe it. We've talked to Tomoko about the attitudes toward autism in Japan & she had indicated that Japan is way behind the US & Great Britain in terms of attitude as well as treatments. It makes sense that a culture that depends so much on conformity would have difficulty adjusting to those who do not fit in & that need specialised help. So I was so heartened to see this programme on tv. The tone was respectful, although definitely not upbeat. I heard the words for "terrible" & difficulty" a lot, but the mom being interviewed seemed loving, if sad. There was discussion of the effect on other siblings in the family, & they definitely showed the child, maybe a couple years younger than Brendan, in a school setting. I wished I could have understood more, but Charlie & I were pretty amazed to have caught it at all.

All in all, the best day yet in Japan! I'm hoping this means that we're all getting accustomed to our new environment. We'll try visiting the Senso-ji Shrine today- our last full day in Tokyo!

Tokyo Day 4...

2007-06-17T18:30:00.000-04:00

Good morning from Tokyo (actually day 5, but I've given up trying to post at the end of the day, since my brain & body are completely fried by that then). The above picture is one of Tokyo's many beautiful manhole covers :) We used photo-documentation of these beauties as a tic-buster today...

Once again we were all awake at 4:00 am-ish. Sigh. We're going to try taking naps this afternoon, to give us the energy to stay up later, so that we might sleep later in the morning. We were up for good at 6:00 am. This couple of quiet hours in the morning has been perfect for quiet reading for Brendan, something he disdains when there are other activities present, so there's some lemonade being made from the early-waking lemons :) We had japanese english muffins for breakfast- quite a different (finer) texture than we're used to, but delicious. The japanese take on bread is quite different than what we have in the US. It's like they took the concept of bread & thought outside the box, but we've been enjoying it very much :) I also decided to do some laundry in the teeny-tiny washer-dryer that I discovered in the kitchen (it hit me a couple of days ago that there appeared to be 2 dishwashers, one of which turned out to be a clothes-washer). This is not the only multi-purpose unit in the kitchen, since the microwave is actually a microwave-range-toaster. (These multi-use appliances seem to be pretty common, not just for afficiency apartments like this one.) There is a big binder with the directions to use everything in the apartment, but most of the instructions are in japanese (someone has scrawled strategically in english, which helps some :). This is one place where reading the phonetic japanese alphabets is really coming in handy... Either way, the washer-dryer goes right from the wash cycle to the dry cycle & took a bit of getting used to. So did the tiny amount of laundry that actually fits in the unit (I maxxed it out yesterday & festooned the apaato with semi-dry laundry). Many adventures :)

The day's plan was to hop 3 subways on 2 different lines (requiring different tickets) to get to Odaiba, the entertainment area of Tokyo (all built on an island in Tokyo Harbour made from landfill), to visit the Miraikan science centre. This sounds like a lot, but it really only took about 40 minutes- when we finally got on the "road", that is. We left about 9:30, armed with our tic-busters, & as we headed down the steep access drive to the street, Brendan (who has been doing a little skippy thing to deal with tics) tripped & landed hard on one knee. His poor knee was an oozing, bloody mess, so we headed right back to our apaato to clean him up. Even the big boo-boo bandaids I'd brought wouldn't cover it, but luckily the gauze pads (when unfolded) would. I slathered healing salve on, after washing it all with soap & then clear water & then taped the gauze on. We gave him tylenol & put an ice pack on for good measure. Then we put in the "Deoxys" Pokemon movie & waited until Brendan was feeling better to restart our trip. Charlie went off to do some grocery shopping while we watched the movie. About 11:00 we were ready to go again.

The tics hit just about as soon as we left the building. Sigh. Nothing we'd brainstormed was working, but I convinced him to get to the next beverage vending machine & the minute he had a cold Fanta grape in his hand he was fine. He held it until we got to the station, then sucked it down quickly. The train rides were pretty uneventful. Even the ticket machine for the subway to Odaiba had a button for english instructions. The original idea had been to visit the Miraikan in the morning, have lunch, & go home in the early afternoon, but we were late enough that lunch was the first stop. We'd picked out a good sushi place for lunch, thinking that Brendan would find something there to suit him (he's been experimenting with sushi at home), but we were also counting on him being a bit more energetic/adventurous at that time of day, not recovering from a bloody fall :( He was not a happy camper at the restaurant. We managed to get seated before the tics started in, but he didn't want anything on the menu, even miso soup (his ultimate comfort food). We were at a sushi counter & our chef seemed to be matching Brendan mood for mood (I think that the minute he realised we weren't going for the "set meal" he decided we were a lost cause). We did make ourselves understood quite well & the sushi Charlie & I had was delicious- just not the right atmosphere to enjoy it. I asked for the cheque in japanese & said something flowery to thank the chef for serving us (so there! :) & then we got Brendan to a place that served potato fries & ice cream. :)

By the time we got back on the train heading for the Miraikan we were fading, but we were so darn close we decided to go for it. At least we might find some interesting things in the gift shop... I'm so glad we kept going. It was the most fun we had all day! It was extremely accessible to non-japanese speakers. A docent apporoached us with english-language maps of the place & talked us through purchasing our tickets. All of the exhibits were labelled in english as well as japanese & many of the docents spoke english, too. Brendan did his usual scoot from thing to thing, but that's how he enjoys these places, so he was in heaven :)

We stopped at this display- a heat-representation of our bodies! We displayed our sweaty armpits, bright red on the monitor, to much giggling. Then a docent handed Brendan a frozen water bottle & he proceded to "paint" himself with splashes of green by holding the bottle to different parts of his body. He gave himself a mustache... We howled with laughter. The bottle was so cold it showed as dark blue on the monitor. (Really "way cool" hee-hee)

Brendan also found a deep-sea submersible to hang out in. Not far away was part of the international space station (retired) that had been autographed by various astronauts, from the US & Russia, including Buzz Aldrin. The docent told us he'd met Buzz- very thrilling :) After about an hour at Miraikan we decided to stop for cold beverages in the cafe & then head for home. The tics reappeared (fatigue, I suspect) but we promised ourselves a stop at a mini-mart for cokes & that kept all of us going. It was just 10 more minutes from the mini-mart to the apaato, & Brendan decided to take manhole pictures to distract himself from the tics, which worked very well. When we got home we put the Deoxys movie back in & watched the rest to decompress. Brendan was in & out of "moods" for the rest of the day. Charlie told me later he thinks that some of it must be adolescent hormones kicking-in, too. And the ever-present jet-lag. Oy...

We have been enjoying the NHK educational channel on tv & that was a nice distraction this evening. There was a show based on the "Wallace & Gromit" character "Shawn the Sheep" that had Brendan giggling so hard he quit his Dragon Fable game & watched tv instead. We also managed to get the cable working & found the Disney Channel- all dubbed in japanese, of course! That was a hoot & I can't wait to catch Kim Possible in japanese... Brendan was so out of sorts that he couldn't eat dinner, so the tv was a very good distraction. Charlie had remembered that it was Father's Day (we are so goofed-up, time-wise) & I desperately looked for the cards we'd made him, but I packed them so well that I couldn't find them :( I finally showed him the originals on my computer :) I changed Brendan's knee dressing before bed & he was in by 7:00 pm. Charlie & I talked about what to plan for day 5- it's so hard to know how ambitious to be. It depends just as much on our energy levels as Brendan's... We decided that we'd like to visit the Senso-ji temple before we leave Tokyo- the guide book says there's a lot there to see, including a whole street of kiosks to buy omiyage gifts. So- off to Asakusa (the area of Tokyo where the temple is) & new adventures!

Tokyo Day 3...

2007-06-16T18:45:00.000-04:00

Today was a "stay close to home" day, which turned out to be good intuition on our (parental) parts... We were all up at 4:00 am-ish again. Brendan read for 2 hours before finally getting up around 6:00 and Charlie & I basically dozed until he got up. We decided to try melatonin tonight... We got a call from our friend Marian around 9:30 & arranged for her to come to where we're staying for lunch. That left us a couple of hours for some exploring & Charlie had found a nearby park & Buddhist shrine in our guidebook, so we headed off. We were lucky to have another sunny day for our expedition, although it was pretty warm, too. Brendan was once again plagued by tics on the 10-minute walk to the park, but anticipation of visitng the shrine helped him hold it together until we got to the coolness of Shiba park, where he & I sat for a bit while Charlie figured out where the shrine was. Brendan was very motivated to visit the shrine, thanks to our buddhist studies. In the park we found a tiny Shinto shrine, too. The photo above is the torii gate leading to the shrine.

This photo is Brendan at the tiny shrine with a statue of a kitsune, a fox spirit. We put some money in a box there, rang the bell & clapped 3 times to honour the shrine's kami (spirits).

This is the Shojo-ji Buddhist temple, which is over 300 years old. We had our first dragon-sighting there (yay!). (I'm not sure if I've mentioned that Brendan is hunting for dragons & phoenixes while we're in Japan :) There are 2 dragon guardians on the walls on either side of the door. There was also a well where you could sip some water & spit it out to purify yourself. Brendan did this :) We also rang the bell (after tossing some coins in the box), clapped & bowed (we watched a japanese gentleman do this first, so we could be sure we were doing it right). Nearby there was a huge tree with a rope & paper decorations around it, just like something from InuYasha! We stopped at a handy vending machine for much-needed drinks, too :) (Drinks vending machines are absolutely everywhere.)

This a concrete bridge on the way out of the park, with the concrete formed to look like tree branches. Really neat-looking.

The walk back home was not much fun. Without the incentive of a Buddhist temple to visit, Brendan was just not able to keep it together. The tics got worse & worse until he was whacking himself on the head. We stopped & kind of sheltered him until he could continue, & I was madly looking for distractions. I spotted a mini-mart & we decided to go in & get a soda, which worked. We got home without any more difficulty & Brendan got on to Dragon Fable for some downtime. At this point I was seriously wondering of we'd get him out of the apartment again for lunch :( Charlie took off to the subway station to meet Marian & I talked to him about going out again to get some lunch. Brendan seemed up for it & was happy to greet Marian when she arrived, but the internet service started acting up & messed-up his game & he lost it again. I finally told Charlie & Marian to go to lunch & Brendan & I had leftover rice & bowl noodle at home. He regained his equanimity for a while & Charlie & Marian hit a sweets shoppe (western-style sweets- only in Roppongi, where we're staying, which is considered the "western ghetto"...) on their way home so we had a yummy dessert. After Marian left Brendan lost it again & locked himself in his room. Sigh. This is not anything we have to deal with at home (locks) & it felt like a safety problem to me. The bottom line, I think, is that jet-lag caught up with Brendan & he had no idea how to self-regulate any more. I convinced him to unlock the door & then spent some time doing a Gandhi-esque sit-in in his room until he agreed not to lock or even close the door any more. It wasn't much fun, but felt really necessary, since I really didn't want to deal with him locking himself in his room all the time. Most everything we suggested to him for distraction or re-regulation he rejected, & spent the rest of the aftenoon alternating between tears & fury. Finally, he decided to cook dinner. After a false start (more tears & fury) I told him that he could cook dinner if we gave some minimal assistance/guidance & he agreed. He wanted rice & edamame again, so I told him how to measure the rice & water (using a teacup, since there are no measuring cups) & he lit the stove himself. He made tea, too, with guidance :) & as he did his mood lightened a lot. I think he was really looking for some way to feel capable, in the midst of his dysregulation, & cooking did it. He was a gracious host at dinner & it was very "oishii" (tasty :).

The evening passed peacefully & after a shower, Brendan fell into bed about 8:00. I passed-out on the couch while he was in the shower & woke up in time to kiss him goodnight. Thanks goodness Charlie was still upright! I showered next & was in bed by 9:30. I had decided to try taking melatonin when I woke up at 4:00-ish, to help me get back to sleep, since I was exhausted when I went to bed. I ended-up waking up at 1:45 & taking the melatonin, but all it did was make me doze, but not really sleep, more deeply. Brendan woke up at 4:00 am again this morning & read until 6:00. He told Charlie that he's definitely taking melatonin when he goes to bed tonight :) We are going to follow his advice. We also decided to be very intentional about planning our days, with Brendan in attendance & making sure he's aware of the scope of our plans & has input into them. This morning over breakfast we brainstormed ways for him to cope with tics while we're out & about. We talked about putting a kekkai on a hat, buying him some sunglasses to hide behind, keeping focused on where we're going, thinking about buying presents for the folks back home & also stuff for himself :) & putting him in charge of taking pictures. We also set up a signal for him to use when the tics start bothering him so that we can intervene more quickly. He's feeling quite positive about going out today, so we'll see if these ideas work.

Today we've off to the Miraikan (science centre) at Odaiba (the amusement park area in Tokyo). More later... :)

Tokyo Day 2...

2007-06-15T07:46:00.000-04:00

Our first full day in Japan! This is the view from our window. The window has a rice-paper screen instead of curtains- very neat :)

We hit the ground running, up much earlier than we should have been, but that's jet-lag for you. Brendan got to bed about 8:00 pm last night & didn't wake up until 6-ish. Charlie followed him by about an hour, got up when Tomoko called us at 10:00, & then was up when Brendan was. I didn't get to bed until after 10:30, but woke up at 3:15 am & could't get back to sleep, so I dozed on & off until 7:00-ish. We were all pretty fresh & ready to go, though. When we spoke to Tomoko last night we found out that the Ghibli Museum plans had fallen through, since by the time I'd called her from home & confirmed the time we could go, the tickets had all been sold by that time. Plan B was just as good, though. We enlisted her help (& the Tokyo-ite friend she's staying with) to figure out how to get to the Pokemon Centre & arranged to meet Tomoko at the Ginza metro station at 10:30 this morning. Charlie had been worried that we wouldn't get up in time, but that turned out not to be an :) We even had time to watch the latest Gekiranger episode (on the internet, with subtitles, as we usually do). The estimated travel time was about half an hour, so we left about 20 minutes early to find the station we needed to leave from. (All this after a breakfast of Japanese 7-11 baked goods & green tea :) The online weather forecast had predicted rain, but the sun came out anyway & it it was a beautiful morning.

Brendan's first real difficulty with intrusive OCD thoughts (aka "tics", since they make him do so) came on the walk to the station. He was very close to melting-down & even trying to think beyond them & concentrate on where we were going (Pokemon Mecca) wasn't helping. We kept stopping & trying to set a "kekkai" (barrier) but it wouldn't last long. Over the past few days the worst tics have not been triggered by anything he sees (the usual way it happens) but by something going on internally, so it's hard to shield him from them, which makes it hard to distract him from the triggers. After stopping 4 or 5 times beacuse he was so upset he couldn't keep going, & looking madly for something to distract him, I noticed that the building we were standing beside had a map, with some places labelled in english, & wouldn't you know- one of the places was "Pallet Town". Hard core pokemon fans will know that Ash Ketchum (known here as Satoshi) is from Pallet Town. I pointed-out the label to Brendan & he was just as intrigued as I was that it was a real place. Next thing we knew, he was distracted from the tic & able to get to the station.

Once at the station we decided to by passes, rather than figure out the fares each time & that saved a lot of hassle (once we figured out how to properly feed the money into the machine). The first really great thing we noticed was that everything was labelled in english, too, so it was really easy to find the right place to catch the train (heading in the right direction). Having taken subways in New York, Boston, & Washington DC, we found that navigating the Tokyo Metro was actually easier (scary, huh?). Charlie took a good gander at where we came in (vary handy for the return trip) & the ride was just 3 stops, change to another line (easily found), 2 more stops, find the right exit (where we agreed to meet Tomoko) & there we were! So was Tomoko & it was a wonderful reunion. (OK, so it's just been a couple weeks since we've seen her, but we've been missing her a lot!). We walked through the historic Takashimaya department store on our way to the street, & I decided to stop at the restroom there- where I had my first run-in with one of Japan's famous toilets that talk & spritz &... but darned if I could find where the flush button was! I finally decided that I was going to have to do an "ugly American" & just leave it because everyone was waiting for me. When I consulted Tomoko she said that the lack of button for flush (& I pushed most of them, believe me) probably indicated that it was an automatic flush toilet... let's hope.

After a few false starts & Tomoko stopping in a store for directions, we found the Pokemon Centre! It was mobbed... And if you consider that every child over the age of 5 was in school, you can probably imagine the scene of many, very young children plus their moms swarming the place. Brendan held it together very well :) He was quite focused, since we'd been talking about going there for months. He found the "nuigurumi" (plushies) that he wanted (but no Pichu for me :( ) & we found the "Deoxys" movie but not the most recent one (we'll keep looking). Brendan demolished his umbrella for Japan (from Santa) within a few weeks of getting it (it's a teeny one that telescopes out & he had a great time whipping it out like a lightsabre until it just disintegrated...) so we found him one with Pikachu & Pochama (his new fave) on it. We had a couple of gifts to get & I added some keychains & "chirigami" (kleenex packets :) to the mix. In spite of the mob, the checkout line went very quickly, so none of us got grumpy from waiting :)

Tomoko took this picture of us before bidding farewell to go to her conference (that's why she's still in Tokyo- she won't be leaving for home until just a couple of days before we go there, too). She reccomended that we check out a large bookstore, Maruzen, on the way back to the metro station, since she thought they would have Kamen Rider Den-O stuff there. Then we bade her "mata raisshu" (see you next week!) & headed over there. Once at the store, we realised that we couldn't read any of the signs... after some discussion as to the proper way to do it, Brendan approached a clerk & asked, in japanese, where the kids' books were. They understood him perfectly! We easily found the right floor & section & were soon surrounded by Kamen Rider & Gekiranger books & magazines.The magazine had all sorts of goodies stuffed into it, cardboard masks & equipment that you can assemble, & the books were full of detailed diagrams of the different characters & their equipment. Brendan was in heaven.

The trip back home was uneventful :) We were going to stop & eat somewhere, but Brendan (& we) were getting too tired to cope with new stuff, so back to 7-11 for lunch food. I gave Brendan my hiragana & katakana charts & he puzzled through some of the books while lunch was being made. This kid'll be reading the katakana (he's pretty fluent in hiragana already) by the time we leave, I bet! After lunch Charlie made a foray on his own to get some traveller's cheques cashed & explore, & Brendan & I watched the "Deoxys" movie. (The apartment has a dvd player- yay!) When we were at the Pokemon Centre the checkout lady warned usthat this was a region 5 dvd, but we were able to explain that we knew this & it was ok. We have one of Brendan's computers set to region 5, but we'll probably get a region-free dvd player when we get back home. As the movie was loading Brendan said "I'll bet Brock's (known in Japan as Takeshi) voice will be lower in this version." We agreed that we'd probably like all of the voices better than the english dubs, & we did (we've really come to prefer the japanese esthetic for choosing voices for animated characters). We also noticed some scenes that didn't make it into the english version, plus the music was better in places, & the pokemons' voices were better, too. Pikachu is one of the few original voices that makes it into the english dubs, because his name is the same in both languages, but most pokemon have different names in japanese (we picked up an illustrated japanese pokedex at the bookstore, too) so they have to change their voices in the english dubs. We thoroughly enjoyed the movie :) And afterward we were feeling energetic enough to go to the grocery store & a little park, which Charlie had found on his ramble, & buy "real" food.

This is Brendan & me looking over the books we bought :) By the time we got home from walking to & from the store (& puzzling out labels & discovering that they don't sell paper goods at grocery stores, so another stop was needed) we were all feeling very tired. Brendan ensconced himself on the Dragon Fable site & Charlie & I lay down "for a few minutes". I was out for nearly 2 hours! Charlie was just about to get me up when I woke up & realised that I needed to cook some dinner. We'd found rice & edamame at the store, so I made some for Brendan & me (Charlie found a frozen tortellini thingy). It was a bit dodgy, since I'm spoiled at home by having a rice cooker & have never actually cooked japanese rice on the stove, but it worked! By dinnertime Brendan was really exhausted & nearly unable to keep himself together, even in the presence of comfort food. While we were eating, though, he told us that he felt like "something that had just come out the backside of a cow" & started to giggle madly. We discussed how to say that in japanese & his good humour was restored enough for him to eat & get his jammies on. While we'd been cooking we put on the japanese version of PBS, (NHK) in hopes of catching Pythagoras Switch. We didn't, but the show that was on was hysterical (real dogs jumping rope with clowns) so we watched until the kids' programming was over. Charlie got Brendan into jammies & proposed reading to him for a bit. He came out of Brendan's room about 2 minutes later- Brendan had literally fallen asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow!

We spent some time catching up with email & contacting another friend in Tokyo, our next-door neighbour's daughter Marian, & then decided that we'd stay closer to home tomorow. There's a buddhist temple nearby that looks interesting & more of the neighbourhood to see & reataurants to find. We're hoping to go to Odaiba, maybe with Marian, on Sunday morning & see the Miraikon science museum & a few other places.

What a great first day in Japan! We all worked together & managed to do some of the things we'd been hoping to do for weeks: see Tomoko & visit the Pokemon Centre!

We're in Tokyo!

2007-06-14T08:44:00.000-04:00

We did it! We are in Japan &, although long & tiring, the trip was about as uneventful as it could have been. Whew! Yhe picturre above is Brendan during our 2-hour layover in Chicago. He & Rufus are snoozing a bit because Brendan woke up (& therefore, so did we) at 2:00 am Wednesday morning! As I'm writing this, I've been awake for nearly 31 hours. Yes, I'm crazy to still be up (Brendan & Charlie have been asleep for over an hour) but I promised Tomoko I'd call her at 10:00 pm Tokyo time to figure out where we're meeting tomorrow for our trip to the Ghibli museum.

This was our first view of the area around Tokyo, photo taken by Brendan in the window seat :)

As I mentioned, it was a loooong trip. The Chicago to Tokyo part was 12 hours. None of us has ever been on a plane for so long, but then, we've never flown halfway around the world, either :) It was more than 6000 miles from Chicago to Tokyo. There was a cool video map that you could follow at your seat, to see exactly where the plane was. It actually was what lulled Brendan to sleep (finally) about 8 hours into the flight. He got about 3 hours of sleep, which was better than Charlie or I did. I was too uncomfortable to do more than listen to space music (channel 4 :) & sone out. The toughest part of the flight was probably hours 6-8, but from the point of view of "Brendan's mom", it was small potatoes. Brendan needed someone to play or read with him for those 2 solid hours (Charlie & I changed seats so that he could take that shift, bless him :) but he was hardly bothered at all by tics & never even came clost to meltdown the whole trip. Pretty neat!!

And this was another cool photo of the countryside around Tokyo, also taken by Brendan.

So far, all fo the advanced planning really made things go smoothly. Charlie had researched how to get from the airport to the apartment building in Roppongi where we are staying (I can see the Tokyo Tower, a replica of the Eiffel Tower, right ourside the window as I type- I'll try to get a picturre tomorrow). It was a 2-stage trip, taking a bus from the airport to a big hotel & then catching a taxi at the hotel for a less-than-a-mile trip to the "apaato". After moving in & regrouping, we walked to the 7-11 around the corner to buy ramen for dinner & buns & stuff for breakfast. We'll get more sophisticated about meals as we catch up on our sleep :)

Many, many thanks to all who posted kind wishes in the comments section before we left. I felt like I was halfway to Japan, flying on your good thoughts! More tomorrow...

Off we go...!

2007-06-12T14:23:00.002-04:00

On your mark... get set...

I have packed for 2 days straight, now. Tomorrow morning we fly to Japan! I have become so disconnected from "regular" life & "blog" life that I'm no longer sure what I've posted or when, but it's all been a necessary part of getting this family off on the trip of our lives :)

Last Friday was the last day of school for Brendan, although he chose not to go on the class trip to an amusement park the day before, so it was an interrupted end of the week & year. The week started off on a really rocky note- Brendan's anxiety went right through the roof & he's needed a lot of assistance getting through his days, but things eased-up as the week went by, thankfully. We did go to school on Thursday for his last OT session, first thing in the morning, & so he could give his OT, Ann, her end-of year gift (this year I tie-&-indigo-dyed scarves for everyone). It helped to keep a sort of schedule on this day off school. After OT we went grocery shopping together & had a very mellow day. I think it set him up nicely for a good last day, which can be a bit hairy with it's very different schedule. Cherie, Brendan's consultant teacher, & I planned things carefully in advance so I'd know when to get him each day last week, & I was "on call" for an early pick-up if necessary. He made it right through to 1:45 on Friday which was stellar :) Cherie gave Brendan the bubble-blower in the picture above & he finds it delightful :) All of his teachers liked their scarves & the place had a decided 60's-era look with them all wearing their tie-dyes in various ways. There's a new bubble-tea place that's opened right on the way home, so we stopped for tea as a treat after school. (We tried it out earlier in the week, for a bubble-tea & sushi snack after school, so we were ready to go back :) Brendan has developed a taste for the gooey, tapioca-based bubbles (I have loved them for quite some time) so it's another fun thing we can share.

Over the weekend I started-in with pre-packing activities: gathering things & making lists. One major thing that has happened in our lives over the past couple of weeks is that there was a small fire in Charlie's office early on the morning of June 1st. He happened to be the doctor on call & so got the message at 2:15 am that the building was on fire (!) & a request to come & help the firefighters navigate any hazardous wastes in the aftermath. That was quite a day... Although the fire was nicely contained to the room it was in by the sprinkler system, & no medical records were lost (& very little actual damage done to anything, really) the fire smouldered for a few hours before igniting, so the smoke damage was pretty extensive, & of course, there was water damage from the sprinklers. So 10 doctors have been office-less ever since, practicing out of various offices in the community where someone's on their day off or sick. They've been meeting every morning to get assignments, & only seeing the patients with the most need, while the university found them a temporary site. Saturday morning Charlie spent a few hours shifting things from his smoly office to the temporary space. Yesterday was the first day at the temporary offices & things were predictably chaotic. On one hand, it's made things much busier for Charlie right now (as he's trying to pack & get ready for Japan) but on the other, he's soooo ready to get the heck out of the country :)

On Sunday we had our annual Religious Education Sunday, where the kids & teachers do the service. My Sr. High kids usually do the sermon, since they're the oldest of the bunch, & this year we also had a "bridging" ceremony, where we acknowledge a graduating senior & wish them well on their way to college. It was a fair amount to put together, especially with Japan on my mind, but it was absolutely wonderful. I had warned my graduate, Chaz, that I would get emotional during the ceremony, but wasn't prepared to be moved to tears by what he said in his part of the sermon, where he talked about the important place the church & congregation has had in his life & how much he'll miss us. It's such a joy & honour to be part of the lives of our children & youth... My goddaughter was the other Sr. High participant, & we'll be doing her bridging next year. It's pretty amazing...

Yesterday I really revved-up into packing mode. There is so much to bring/document when you leave the country & do it for 3 weeks! I realised that I've never been away for so long on vacation... We had to have all of Brendan's & my prescription meds in labelled bottles with back-up copies of the scripts just in case. I had to clean out my purse so I could pack it, & take unnecessary stuff out of my wallet. I put together diverting activities (books, small legos, some sweets) in Brendan's carry-bag, which will be a surprise for him tomorrow. Then there's gathering computer games & movies to take. We decided to download a few more InuYasha episodes to my hard drive, too. InuYasha has been what's mainly holding Brendan together these days. Yesterday he was absolutely bedeviled by the intrusive OCD thoughts & things got very freaky at times. He watched one of the InuYasha movies & lots of episodes, too, for distraction. Good friends invited us over for dinner, which I was really looking forward to, but it was touch & go getting Brendan de-ticced enough to get in the car. We persevered, though, & he had a great time with his best buddy, & Charlie & I had a very relaxing meal & conversation. An much-needed bit of sanity...

This morning I got hard-core about the packling & preparing the house for our absence. I also called Tomoko, our japanese teacher, in Tokyo, in the morning (she left for Japan last Thursday). She had emailed me to see if we would like to go to the Studio Ghibli museum with her on Friday morning, worried that it would be too soon after arriving the day before. Our understanding is that you wake up really early for a few days until adjusting to a 13-hour time difference (I called her at 9:30 am & it was 10:30 pm Tokyo time) so Charlie & I thought we should go for it. It's not easy to get tickets to this museum & it's supposed to be wonderful. For us it will be a sort of pilgrimage, since it was the Studio Ghibli film "My Neighbour Totoro" that sparked Brendan's interest in Japan in the first place, 7 years ago, & here we are- going to Japan! About mid-morning, after working on my duffel bag & carry-on bag simultaneously, I realised that I would not be getting away with just one carry-on bag. Not with a laptop, a change of clothes, diverting activities & snacks, all of the prescription meds, wipes, & my japanese "cheat" book (useful words, phrases, & kanji that I've collected & pasted into a small binder). Plus, although literally half of my duffel is loaded with presents for Tomoko's family, I really do need room for my own clothes & stuff. Sigh. And then there's the overflow of presents still looking for a place to go...

Brendan & I took a break after lunch & watched a couple of InuYasha episodes. He watched another movie while I continued preparations... but after the movie the tics returned big time, so he's back with another movie & a snack. I can't help but think that the increased anxiety is directly related to our travelling tomorrow. He's been doing a great job of working on the mindfulness practise when the anxiety isn't too intense, but so far it isn't helping at all when he's in real difficulty. I really think that getting on the plane tomorrow will relieve everyone's anxiety quite a bit.

So- that's all from here! Next time I post it will be from Tokyo!!

Life phases...

2007-05-30T19:25:00.000-04:00

So much has happened in the past, nearly 2 weeks since I last posted, so I'll try to capture some snapshots of what's been happening...

I'm still recovering from bronchitis & resting whenever I have a couple of moments. The nice thing is that, no matter how rotten I've felt, I managed to to what needed to be done & have some fun as well :)

Brendan & I have finished reading "The Dharma of Star Wars" as bed-time reading- I think it took us about 3 weeks to get through it. Brendan's ability to cope with the OCD, tics, & frustration have changed remarkably in these 3 weeks, & we're noticing the changes at home as well as at school. At school, Brendan's not being triggered as much by OCD thoughts, & when he is he can think about what to do about it much more easily than before. He's using his box only when necessary & he's told me that he's been practising his breathing when he's in there. What's really remarkable about all of this is that this is Brendan's most stressful time of year. Last year we had him seeing his psychologist twice monthly (rather than the usual once monthly) to forestall coping difficulties, since the two previous years, just at this time of year, he tried to "zap" himself at school (by putting things in electrical sockets) because he was in so much emotional pain. It's also possible that getting ready to go to Japan is channeling some of the end-of-school transition issues into thinking about our next adventure. But it's certain that the mindfulness practise is helping, too. At home. the biggest change is that we've been able to get rid of his evening dose of klonapin, which he used to need to help buffer him from overwhelming OCD thoughts at bed time. Now what we do, if the thoughts start getting to him, is set a "kekkai" (japanese for "barrier") using "ki" (life-force energy). I start setting it around his head & Brendan uses his own ki to meet it. I can feel when he's pushing at my part of the kekkai- it's pretty amazing. Brendan immediately becomes calm again when we do this & we're finding it helpful to do during the day as well, when the thoughts overwhelm him. I still can barely believe that we've been able to move to this technique & back off on the medicine. It really bodes well for the future :) The other nice thing about the mindfulness practise is that we've been egging each other on, which has been a nice way for Brendan to find himself on an equal footing with me. I'm still "the mom", but he can remind me to breathe, say when traffic's really hairy, & it's helpful to me. He's coaching me just as I've been coaching him for most of his life. I know he gets a kick out of that... & I'm definitely benefitting from the practise as well.

We said goodbye to Nobuko-san, our japanese teacher's mother, yesterday. She flies back to Japan tomorrow, but we'll see her in a few weeks when we go to stay with her in Japan. Brendan finally found the courage to say a few things to her in japanese & it delighted both of them. She seemed really fond of him & also charmed :) I became quite comfortable with her & really enjoyed sharing everything from dyeing with indigo to visiting a quilting shop (they don't have anything like it in Japan) to showing her my wedding dress, which I designed & crocheted all of the lace for (a blast from the past :). She has promised to teach me a type of tea ceremony that's performed at the table (rather than sitting on tatami mats on the floor) &, much to Tomoko's chagrin, happily showed me a very elegant way to pick up & put down my hashi (chopsticks) during a meal (this while eating lunch together at our favourite japanese restaurant). I was so happy that she wanted to teach me, & I can't wait to learn the tea ceremony!! Tomoko also let us know that the plans for visiting her nephews' school are solid, & that we'll be participating in an english class, plus observing another subject, & then staying for lunch if we like. Lunch in a japanese elementary school is supposed to be amazing- the kids serve it all themselves- so I think we'll take them up on it. Brendan & I have picked out the photos we want to use for a picture-book of his life here in the US, so all we have to do is set it up with english & japanese text & print it out. We plan to give it as a gift to the schoolkids we'll be visiting, to help them learn english & about life in the US.

Part of the end-of-school scene, always, is Brendan's yearly CSE. This year the special ed. co-ordinator at school requested to have all of the city students' CSE's at school, rather than downtown at central office, & they actually agreed! It makes things so much easier on the teachers & the school, since they can just hire a couple of subs to rotate through the classrooms as the teachers attend the CSE's. It always seems a lot friendlier to have it at school (previously only one of Brendan's has been at school & it was far & above the most productive), & this one was truly friendly... it was almost embarassingly so... Brendan's meeting was scheduled last, at 1:15, since the school folks thought we could use a full hour for his meeting (the rest were 45 minutes). Charlie had cleared his schedule to attend & both his speech & OT therapists had multiple kids at school who had meetings that day, so they spent most of the day there at meetings. In all there were 8 of us at his meeting, the chairperson & Team Brendan :) We all had the proposed IEP in front of us (thank-you, IEP Direct!- & Cherie, Brendan's consultant teacher :) & the only change being proposed was to provide him with a laptop with Dragon, voice-activated software, at the beginning of the year (& to withdraw the request for the alphasmart keyboard, since there are computers at school he can use if he wants to type something). Brendan's classroom teacher, Jen, has a lovely way of beginning with the positives- perhaps not the best thing to do when you are trying to make a case for services, but psychologically much more civilised. She was very clear that Brendan has some pretty impressive difficulties with functioning in the classroom & at school, but that he's also a delight to be with, that he's bright, witty, interesting, &- when functioning optimally- a very positive influence on his class & schoolmates. It's so wonderful to hear such nice things about your kid... Brendan's challenges were stated, too, but I have to say that his sense of humour permeated the whole meeting (even though he wasn't physically there), which was punctuated by explosive laughter at times. The CSE Chair was very pleasant & very impressed by the examples of Brendan's work using Dragon (part of the trial to see if it should be added to his IEP). She was also very encouraging to Charlie & me, & impressed by the work everyone at school has been doing with him. Needless to say, the request for Dragon was approved & there were no challenges to any of his existing services. We officially requested that Brendan have the same OT & speech providers next year, too, since they have been stellar, so... fingers crossed... After the meeting, as Brendan & I were leaving school, we popped back into the meeting room to see if the CSE Chair was still there, because I really wanted her to meet Brendan. She was there, & seemed quite delighted to meet him. Brendan was his charming self :) So- another CSE done & on to 6th grade! Even Brendan has decided that next year is going to be a better year... don't you just love it?

The other interesting thing that's happened over the past week is that Brendan has become a fisherman... He had a taste of fishing when his class went on their camping trip a few of weeks ago, & then had another opportunity this past Saturday when we hosted a school fundraiser at our sailing club. It was a sailing/picnic day & one of the families that signed up was that of one of Brendan's classmates, an avid fisherman, with an avid fisherman dad. Brendan spent the whole afternoon fishing & they even caught a fish that they couldn't identify (these folks are serious...) so they all hopped in the car & took fishie to the local tackle shop, where they had to put a call into authorities in order to figure out what it was (turned out to be a very rare bowfish- Charlie googled it & it was a very interesting read). On Sunday Brendan mentioned in Sunday School that he'd fallen in love with fishing & was invited to spend the afternoon fishing a local canal for carp with one of his classmates, whose dad is one of their teachers. He was in heaven :) It was a very odd afternoon for us, since we were strangely kidless... This is not something that happens to us very often, since there aren't very many folks who are comfortable enough with Brendan (& vice-versa) to blithely spirit him away on a fishing trip... We've known this family for quite a few years & the dad has been their Sunday School teacher for about 4 years, so it went very well. By Monday morning, Memorial Day, it was obvious that Brendan needed his own fishing tackle, so Charlie took him off to the tackle shop, conveniently open, & then directly to the club for an afternoon of fishing. As soon as the first fish was caught & needed to be thrown back (we aren't eating these guys- nobody wants to clean them!) they realised that they had no pliers to remove the hook, but a friend who was down for a sail came to the rescue & taught Charlie & Brendan a bit more about fishing. I think it's utterly cool that Charlie, who has never had any interest in fishing, is right there with Brendan, dealing with untoward bait situations & hanging on to wriggly, muscular critters like a pro... They ended up going twice on Monday (once after dinner, too)- true dedication :) Today they planned to go after school & pick up a net on the way, since there is always the possibility of catching a big one. They were gone for about 3 hours & got home just before dinner time. When I saw the net they'd bought I went into in hysterics- the thing could land a shark, I swear. Charlie insisted that it was the smallest one they had... Brendan got contact giggles from me, but defended his dad to the end. We are delighted by Brendan's new hobby- it brings him so many new skills, quite a few of them social, but also dexterity ones & definitely patience & coping with frustration ones. It will be very interesting to see where this goes...

So, just a week & a half left of school, with Music Night this Friday (I believe his class will be singing the parody song Brendan & I wrote a couple months ago at his music teacher's request :). Exactly 2 weeks from today we will fly to Japan. Charlie bought the Japan Rail tickets today, after consulting Tomoko about the best way to go about it all. We plan to take the Nozomi, the very fastest train ever, after our week in Tokyo, down to Kyushu to stay with Tomoko & her family. The pile of omiyage gifts to take to Japan is becoming truly impressive- & frightening, when we consider packing it all. We also ordered some japanese "en" (money) which will arrive by mail in a few days. I have researched & discovered that I won't need a special power converter for the computer while we're there, but I did discover that my present purse/shoulder bag is too small to carry the laptop in, so I'm off tomorrow to find a new one, plus an insulating envelope to protect the laptop. Charlie told me today that he thinks that the most difficult transition will be moving from getting-ready mode to "doing" mode. I am counting on the mindfulness practise to get me through... not long till all happens!