The box...

I mentioned in my previous post that Brendan had adopted a box (brought to school to be used to make the set for the class play) as his safe space. The original box was a bit small & fragile for the purpose, though, so (after consulting with Brendan's teachers) Charlie & Brendan went out after school yesterday & came home with not one, but two wardrobe boxes... The larger of the two has been assembled in his room & now has a periscope poking out of the top :) He is gleefully planning to sleep in it tonight (tomorrow is a teacher inservice day, so he's out of school), although he did ask me, rather worriedly, this morning if I would still read to him at bedtime if he were in the box. I assured him that I would... :)

The smaller of the two boxes was loaded into my car & went to school this morning. By smaller, I mean 4' long instead of 6'... It was quite a production getting it up the stairs to the third floor, especially as I was depending on Brendan to hold the doors for me (!), but it was soon assembled & taped together, & as you can see in the pictures, has found a cosy place where it's not in the way, right behind Brendan's desk, as a matter of fact.

Brendan's teachers seem delighted by the box solution to the "safe space" problem, so it feels very much like a win-win :) He's been making his classroom teacher, Jen, laugh for the past few days by poking his hand out of the box & making appropriate gestures (ala "Thing" from the Addams Family) when she asks him questions, rather than answering verbally. The other kids in the room seem quite unfazed by the box thing, too. In fact, we had our first "box crisis" this morning when the new, improved (roomier, cooler) model arrived...

When I returned upstairs to say goodbye to Brendan after doing my door greeting thing, I discovered that he'd allowed at least 3 of his classmates into the box. From a socialisation point of view, this was great, but from a "safe space" point of view, it sent me into a bit of panic. In fact, one of his main tic trigger-classmates had already been in the box & was playing practically on top of it when I came in... I found Jen & Cherie & told them that I was concerned about Brendan allowing people into the box because of his tendency to develop tics about things that have been "contaminated" by others touching them. They agreed wholeheartedly, & the three of us headed into the classroom to sort things out. We took Brendan aside & explained our concerns, making sure to validate the good will with which he acted by allowing his friends in. He was a bit stormy at first, but we were able to convince him that it was for the best to keep that box his personal space. As I was leaving, I noticed that the teachers had set everyone down & were explaining the no-visiting rules about the box, which included a foot-wide no-entry zone around it. I breathed a sigh of relief.

It was kind of funny... when Jen, Cherie, & I were talking about the box & how to keep it safe for Brendan, I kind of spewed out "...and I don't want to have to haul another one up those stairs!", followed-up by a rueful "I mean, it's not just about me... I want to keep it safe for Brendan, too...". They both laughed & Jen assured me that it was ok for it to be "about me" sometimes. I told them that this is one of those things that's been at the forefront of my mind lately- how much of it all is "about me" & how much is about Brendan... It was good to have validation from his teacher (& a fellow parent) that it's ok for it to be "about us" sometimes too. I have been very worried lately about how much of the conflict at home lately has been due to my uptightness, & how much is due to Brendan's being a bear. Charlie & I talked about this over lunch yesterday, & he's seeing both as factors, so we brainstormed some ideas to help me behave less like I'm criticising & more like I'm helping. This morning, I let him know what time I'd like him to be done with breakfast & ready to brush his teeth, so that instead of saying "hurry up" all the time, I can couch it as "how much time do you have left?" & let him take responsibility for what he does when... I only had to say "...how much time?" once this moring & he figured it out easily & was very pleasant about it. A small step, but in the right direction...