Conscious living...

Yesterday, while driving home from an afterschool visit to Starbucks (a weekly treat for Brendan & myself) I had to hit the breaks because a driver in front of me was doing something funky. Brendan commented that he wished the driver would practise conscious driving... we skipped a beat & then burst out laughing. Brendan, giggling madly, asked me why what he'd said was so funny, so I asked him what the opposite of "conscious" is. We both had taken the mental leap to the idea that the driver had been driving "unconsciously" (therefore, asleep). (In restrospect, I think he meant "conscientious".) So, we came up with the slogan:

Conscious driving: it's not just a good idea, it's the law!!

Being a conscious parent (most of the time) as well as driver, I have noticed that we seem to be achieving a sense of equilibrium in the new year, at least where it concerns Brendan's new, heightened level of anxiety. We've been tracking his anxiety using a "tic log" & I just began a new one yesterday (I've been making little books out of a stack of computer paper cut in half & bound with crochet thread :), which caused me to reflect a bit on how he's been doing. The homework re-organisation has gone very well, & we're all less anxious because we know what to expect. Monday night was math, which meant that it was Charlie's night to coach & Brendan & I didn't have to rush right into homework after we got home (from a quick visit to the pediatrician to look at a rash & then a longer visit to the grocery store to fill a prescription & our tummies with sushi while we waited :). Last night he had language arts homework- my area of expertise- so I scribed his spanish homework for him, which made him very happy (& kept the anxiety level very low).

The anxiety lately has taken the form of an increase in "fleas" interfering with everything from dressing to homework to what activities he can do (when not on the computer). Although he's not been specific, the clothing issues seem to change from day to day, & sometimes it's colour that's the problem & sometimes it's the order in which they've been placed in the drawer. Some mornings he continually puts things back in the drawer & hauls others out. Others he needs me to put the shirt over his head because the "flea" is preventing him from finishing the job. I have learned that challenging him at these times does not improve things or lessen the anxiety, so I do what seems necessary- or what he asks me to do. Any time he can be pro-active & tell me what he needs is great, in my opinion, even if he needs me to dress him. (Note: being a self-conscious preteen, he always gets his undies on unsupervised & in private!) One of the biggest cognitive leaps we've noticed in Brendan is his growing ability to analyse what's going on & tell us what he needs. I am going to encourage this behaviour where ever I see it! Another way that we've been encouraging him to be pro-active is when he needs to yell or scream... he's been pretty good about warning us. We've been discouraging long screaming episodes, since they hurt his throat, & problem-solving other ways to get the feelings out. He's been pretty good about telling us when's about to get loud (particularly appreciated when I'm setting the laptop down or carrying food...) so that we aren't startled... We've also been trying to be aware of how sensory strategies can help him- everything from burning incense or spraying lavender scent to deep pressure can help, if we can just remember to offer (or he to ask...).

The hardest line to walk with Brendan's anxiety is to know how much to accomodate it & how much to challenge it. What I'm learning is that sometimes we need to go with his flow, to keep the anxiety from increasing, to keep things moving (in the morning before school in particular). When his anxiety is lower, then we can revisit things, brainstorm alternatives, point out ways he can be pro-active, look for what's causing the anxiety... The risk is that he'll become anxious discussing these things, but he also responds well to being consulted & treated like the intelligent person that he is. An interesting fallout of recent dances with anxiety is that he's been able to go back to playing some computer games that were a bit too challenging & frustrating for him when he first got them last month. We made a deal with him that he could play them if he self-monitored for increased frustration, or if he would listen to us if we pointed out that he seemed to be getting upset. I had to do just that last night & I was so pleased when he realised what he was feeling & de-escalated things on his own. Whew!! Hooray!!!

Brendan & I are also in the early planning stages of a new & exciting project. I took my precious savings & bought a new macbook a few weeks ago, mainly because my nearly 3-year-old laptop's hard drive was maxxed-out & really slow, & with the help of a friend (thanks Lee!) got it all set up very quickly. This new laptop came with the newest version of Garageband, which means that Brendan & I can now create our own podcasts :) The idea hit me a couple of nights ago, in the shower (of course), & when I proposed it to Brendan yesterday morning he just lit up... because, as he puts it, his greatest talent is talking... :) We have another friend, Santosha, on board to help us figure out how to actually create podcasts (this is the friend who interviewed me a year ago for the UU radio show). Then I'll need to figure out how to get the podcasts on the internet... but anyway, we are on our way to creating a venue for Brendan to talk about himself & autism (& OCD, & Tourettes... :) and how he thinks & feels about lots of things. We are really psyched. He wants to read some of his stories & sing his parody songs, too (the latest is called "Lucy in the Sky with Daggers"...). I am pretty excited about finally finding a way to get my kid's own perspective onto the 'net. It'll probably take us a month or so to get it up & working, so stay tuned... :)

Pokemon & music...

I began the day with a hot flash, which would have been a drag, but it woke me up in time to let our friend, who cleans the house very other week, in the door without his having to bang on it & cause a ruckus (the front doorbell is on the fritz). One of the hazards of break week is the intersection of things that occur regularly with a more relaxed, "don't bother to set the alarm" mindset. It all worked out ok, though, with Brendan & me enjoying a leisurely breakfast & then having fun exploring the most recent update of the "Pokemon Daisuke Karabu" ("I Love Pokemon Club") online newsletter. Tomoko found this Pokemon club for us last summer & we've been having fun with it ever since. They have bi-monthly calendar pages that you can print out featuring Pokemon characters (colouring pages, too, but Brendan doesn't colour...), updates on the "kaa-do ge-mu" (card game) releases & also the latest on the movies. We watched the trailer for the next Pokemon movie, the 10th to be released, & found a poster advertising the IMAX release of the movie that featured Pikachu & friends wearing 3-D glasses. We just roared with laughter at the picture... It occurred to both of us that we might be able to catch the movie when we go to Japan (since it won't be released here on dvd for probably a year). Charlie's comment, when we mentioned this at dinner, was to ask wearily if it would be subtitled... (no way! :) I was pleased by how much of the information from the site I was able to get with my still pretty limited understanding of japanese- reading the katakana really helps, since words written in katakana are likely to be english words translated to japanese, & Brendan's getting really good at figuring out the translations so we make a good team.

After he finished a 45-minute stint on Adventure Quest, I asked Brendan to help me with a special project. Our neighbour had shared a treasure with us last fall- a set of 12, 20-year-old cassette tapes called "101 Favourite Songs Taught to Japanese Schoolchildren". The set had been given to him by a friend & our neighbour thought we might be interested in it as well. There's a songbook & list of all the songs as well, & it all seems to have been produced by the Japanese Ministry of Education. I started listening to the first tape a while back, which began promisingly with "Sakura, Sakura" (the famous song about cherry blossoms) & a few other old & well-known tunes that we've even heard in episodes of InuYasha, but then it veers into very weird territory... For one thing, the arrangements of the songs are 80's pop-esque, with a mix of traditional-sounding instruments & obviously synthesised instrumentals. For another, some are actually western tunes, such as "Auld Lang Syne", with japanese lyrics not related to the western tune at all, which comes off as truly surreal. The A sides of the tapes are all in japanese & the B sides are the exact same songs as A, but in english. I had decided that the only way to make use of all this music was to record the songs that seemed authentically japanese on my laptop (in QuickVoice) & turn them into mp3 files so they could be put on cd. That way I could burn a disc for our neighbour & have one to listen to in the car, to enhance our learning of japanese. The only hitch in the plan was that I hadn't done much with the QuickVoice software, but recording the sound effects for Brendan's class play had taught me what I needed to know, so it was just a matter of finding the time & help... I wasn't sure if I'd be able to jump from tape-player to laptop quickly enough to record each individual track, so I asked Brendan to help me get set up & work the tape player. He was a real trooper through the first few songs, but boredom set in, as well as the giggles, & then he started dropping things while we were recording, so I decided that I could manage & let him go back to AQ (with the sound off, bless him...).

On & off for the rest of the day I alternately worked on recording (winnowing out the really cheesy stuff) & doing stuff with Brendan. We had planned to go to his best friend's house this afternoon, but E's mom has the flu & so we couldn't go :( We did read to each other from "Eldest" after lunch, & then Brendan finished weaving a scarf (that his class had been making in school so they could raffle it off to benefit the Heifer Project) while I read more "Eldest" to him. In the late afternoon, just after finishing an AQ stint, the tics started getting to him & he was having trouble being on his own, so I closed-up the makeshift recording studio (I had just begun the 5th of 9 tapes-hooray!) & we watched some old episodes of "Rough Science" that we'd taped probably 5 or 6 years ago for him. Brendan was a bit teary because of the tics & told me he was glad I was alive, & I replied in kind. Eventually the tics went away, & it was nice to relax with him before dinner.

As we were finishing dinner Brendan began telling Charlie & me about some of his made-up Pokemon characters, called "Rabitor":

Although he hasn't drawn them yet, he was describing the habits of the evolved forms, called "RabbitRats", & at one point said, "...and they have a staff...". This struck me as funny & I said, "What, you mean like they have secretaries & stuff?" Brendan gave me a "very funny" smirk & said that, no, they had sticks... A couple of minutes later he was on to a detailed description of how these critters choose their leaders, "... and the one that wins becomes the new leader...", to which I replied, "...and the rest become the staff! You, take a memo... you, make some coffee!" Brendan graciously laughed at my persistent silliness & told me it was a "good one, mom"... and proceded onto another aspect of Rabitor-society life. I'm lucky my kid has such a good sense of humour because my attempts to add levity to his perseveration (as self-preservation) would not be nearly so successful if he didn't...

Tomorrow Brendan & Charlie will spend the morning visiting his psychiatrist, having a haircut, & buying ice cream. I am going to try to start making the duvet cover for our comforter that's been shedding wool since we got it, since it's driving me crazy. In the afternoon Charlie & I go see Brendan's psychologist & Cherie will stay with Brendan, which he's really looking forward to (how many kids look forward to seeing one of their teacher's during a school break ? :). The mitten wool I made over the weekend is dry & wound into a ball, so I can start swatching (to know what size needles to use to knit them). So far we're having a relaxing & pleasant break week- what more could we ask for? :)