Breathing space...

This week feels like the breathing space before the big holiday & I'm trying to do as many things as I can while there's room to breathe... without burning out, of course. B is still unsettled on his new, lower doses of both zoloft & seroquel. He had yet another cow yesterday morning over the shirt I got out for him to wear to school (a chocolate brown colour with a reddish tinge) so I decided that he is picking out his own clothes from now on. If he wears the same things over & over, so be it. B has shown absolutely no interest in choosing what he wears, only rejection of anything that even shows a slight resemblance to the colour red, so he was rather surprised by my handing the responsibility over to him. Ironically, this morning he chose his tie-dyed boxers with a big splash of red on them from the bottom of his undie drawer, rather than the black & white ones on top. There really is no logic to OCD...

While B was at school I worked on the sermon I'm giving at my church in 2 weeks, on autism & being an autism mom. I had awakened at 5:30 am Monday morning, as I usually do because that's when C gets up for work, but instead of falling back to sleep I'd stewed & worried about the up-coming weeks, my so far unwritten sermon & plans for Thanksgiving taking turns preventing my preferred activity of sleeping... So I decided to start out easy by choosing the hymns & readings for the service, but found myself so inspired that I segued right into writing the sermon. For the first time in nearly 30 years of writing sermons for services at my church, I think I may have too much to say. I've decided to just write, without editing anything out, & then put it all together after I run out of steam (if ever!). I stopped after 2 hours, to have lunch, & feel like I've gotten a good start. Good thing. I realised that next week is going to be so busy with family in town & the holiday itself that I have to have it ready by this Sunday at the latest...

B had a good morning at school yesterday, but quickly fell apart in the afternoon when math time came. It wasn't that he didn't want to do the math, it was that he didn't want to do it in the afternoon. Cherie, his consultant teacher, intercepted me on my way in to school to let me know what was up. She was mostly worried that he'd vent his school frustration at home, since they hadn't been able to find resolution before I'd arrived. When I found him he was in a closet (his speech therapist patiently standing by the doorway), red-faced & unhappy. He wasn't coping well with choices- there were too many, then not enough. He had trouble calming down enough to get things from his locker to go home, but he was pretty calm on the way out of school & I didn't ask any of my usual questions about how the day had gone on the drive home out of respect for his fragile composure. We had snack & then he was able to get on to Adventure Quest immediately- a blessing! I let him blow off steam for quite a while before asking him to take a break, & he was quite happy to lego for a while before going back to the game. He & C legoed together after dinner, in between B playing AQ, & then they tidied up his room to be vacuumed this morning. It took more than an hour of reading to B to help him get to sleep- C took the first half-hour reading "Borgel" by Daniel Pinkwater (laugh-out-loud funny, that one is) & then I followed with more of "The Grey King". After B was asleep C & I composed a letter to his psychiatrist sharing our observations about B's current functioning on the lower dose of anti-depressants, to let him know that we're seeing some significant changes- weepiness, emotional volatility, & difficulty settling himself to sleep. This particular doctor, whom B has been seeing only since August, is not easy to reach by phone, so we decided that snailmail would be best. If we hear from him before the next appointment, then that's great...

As mentioned, B chose his clothes for the first time this morning, sifting through his drawers to pick out a blue shirt (blue's his favourite colour) & blue socks & the cargo pants on the top of the pile. Note to self: get that indigo vat fired-up but soon! There are at least 3 shirts waiting to be dyed blue, I just have to find the time! He was a bit down about going to school this morning, but I reminded him that there was music class this afternoon, & the prospect of a bowl of miso soup & leftover fried tofu cheered him up as well. B has taken to eating miso soup for as many meals as we'll allow, with the addition of rice or tofu as available. He'll be right at home when we go to Japan... I think part of the glamour is that he can make it himself, & part is that he just really likes it. Hey, it's really nutritous (miso, seaweed, tofu...), too. :) The only hitch this morning came when he tried to take his pills with soup rather than bothering to get some milk or water. I was getting my own breakfast when he ran to the sink, spitting. The pill melted instead of going down his throat... After figuring out which one it was I gave him a substitute, & we both agreed that soup is not good for taking pills.

Unlike most schooldays, B had more trouble in the morning than the afternoon today. I had an inkling when I thought I heard B yelling while I was doing my greeter job at the school door, but I knew they would be able to find me if I was needed, so I didn't go up. B was with his OT, Ann, when I got there, playing Rush Hour Jr. She asked B if she could tell me about what had happened earlier, & when he mumbled a bit I asked him if she could tell me out of his earshot & he agreed. She said he'd been really upset when she got there, too much confusion in his classroom had unsettled him, so when they left for his OT session she decided to use this opportunity to help him work on his calming techiniques. I was delighted- B has had a tic about words like "calm" & "relax" & "deep breathing" since the OCD began, 2 1/2 years ago, so it's a very difficult subject to discuss with him. But, for some reason, Ann can say these things without getting any negative reaction from him. She showed him how to put his head on his desk & tune things out by concentrating on his breathing & he tried it with her. She was really pleased by how well he responded & his readiness to move on to playing Rush Hour (I had to rat on B, since he's an ace at that game- his speech therapist used to play it with him in first grade & he got very good at it :). I told Ann how delighted I was that she can work with B on relaxation techniques, since we can't even broach the subject with him... I left him happily mowing through the game levels.

My next stop was the asian food store, since we're nearly out of miso soup :), then home for a little bit. I'm trying to do as many odds & ends as I can, so I worked some more on a sewing project that I need to have done in time for the indigo pot (it's what's really holding me up with the indigo, actually), then pre-watched an episode of InuYasha (to see if B can see it too) while eating an early lunch. I had an appointment with the eye doctor at noon- my distance vision's been getting blurrier & blurrier over the past couple months, but I'd been trying to hold-off until the new year before having them checked because I only got these glasses last February, so there will be no insurance coverage. Alas, this past week the traffic lights have been so blurry it feels like I'm seeing double, so I called for the appointment... &, yes, I need new glasses :( Well, :) really, since at least I'll be able to see again, soon...

B was still in music class when I came to get him this afternoon. They were rehearsing for the musical, & standing around the corner (so he wouldn't see me & get distracted) I really enjoyed hearing the kids, including B, rehearsing their lines. He's playing the father in "The Velveteen Rabbit" & managed to send the whole class into hysterics when he embellished one of his lines (he was drinking coffee) with a burp & a fart :) His teacher humourously requested that he leave the sound effects out... B was focused & happy & it was wonderful to behold.

We've had a quiet afternoon, watching some InuYasha while drinking ramune & then on to AQ, for B, while I made a dent in the holiday-shopping list by shopping online. I finally found us a tree! We've had a 4-foot silver tinsel tree (aka "the emergency tree") for the past 3 years, ever since I had my first-ever, real-live asthma attack when we brought the real tree into the house that year. C & I were both in shock when that happened, since I'd been fine with real trees my whole life before then. I bought the silly little tinsel tree in the aftermath, at Target, because I was so unhappy at the thought of never having a real, good-smelling tree again & couldn't face a fake tree that was trying to look real. The year after, C thought maybe I'd get-over whatever it was that had triggered the attack if we waited a year or two, but my internist told him he was dreaming (it showed how much in denial C was, too, about the tree thing, since not only is he an internist & should have known better, but my doctor was one of his interns years back... :). Last year, year 3 with little tinsel tree, we hardly noticed at all that we didn't have a real one. It had become part of our traditions (which include celebrating Hannukah & Yule, as well as Christmas). So, this year we decided it was time to get a 6-foot tinsel tree. I had seen one at Urban Outfitters last year, so I just got online & bought the thing. It's done, & the 4-foot tree already has been promised to a friend :) I also worked my way through a pile of catalogs with the pages turned-up at likely gifts for friends & family. C & I have our 18th wedding anniversary coming up, too, on December 3rd, so I needed to get cracking on a gift for him. With more of the shopping done, I should be able to at least sleep better in the mornings! It's crazy toboggan ride, this time from Halloween to Christmas, & I've learned that I do my best if I keep plugging away, little by little, & try not to leave anything to the last minute... try...