Just ducky days... :)

Here are a couple of pictures of the Pythagoras Switch-inspired, Rube Goldberg-type contraption that Brendan & Ck made last week.

I was particularly inpressed by the row of dominoes that climbed a block staircase in order to push a Thomas-train down the track & launch the lego projectile-thrower through a hoop :)

"Just ducky" is a pretty good description of how things are going lately. We've had 3 "Camp Ck" days so far & the guys are having a great time. Today they visited the science museum in the morning & took apart the old printer in the afternoon (I have yet to look at Brendan's room, but they did do the take-apart on newspaper, at my request, so hopefully there will be no maternal screaming when I do go up & look :).

Over the weekend Brendan & Charlie spent a lot of time together. Charlie is borrowing a boat from a fleet member who can't sail this summer (having sold his right before we left for Japan & not found a replacement yet), so he went to get it on Saturday morning, to take it to the club & rig it & get used to it. Brendan originally wasn't interested in going with Charlie, but when the idea was offered of fishing down at the club while dad worked on the boat, Brendan went for it. He hasn't been fishing since we got home from Japan & was ready to get out there (the fish are trembling :). He had a pretty good time, according to Charlie, even though the fish weren't biting. Of course, there was a side-trip for fries & a shake, which always sweetens the deal :) Later, when Charlie detailed the day to me, he mentioned that Brendan did spend a fair amount of time sitting in the car, which surprised me a bit. Basically, when the situation turned social (while picking up the boat, etc.) Brendan opted to sit in the car. Charlie said he seemed perfectly happy in there, & his anxiety when out of the car wasn't very difficult to manage, so I suspect that letting Brendan choose when & how to be social (as much as we'd love him to increase social contacts) is teaching him more about self-regulation than just upping the social expectations would ever do.

They had so much fun on Saturday that Charlie proposed a fishing trip in the boat for Sunday morning. This was no small undertaking, seeing as we're talking about a 15-foot sailboat (not a motor boat) that's built for racing, not for leg room :) Charlie managed to stow not only Brendan's tackle, but lunches, snacks, & an anchor- pretty darned good. They had a nice sail & then anchored in a cove for fishing. The only problem was that Brendan is accustomed to casting while standing up, & Charlie wasn't quite sure he'd manage to do it standing up without falling out of the boat... He did (manage it). He was also wearing his life jacket, & is a deep-end, Y-certified swimmer to boot, so the potential for disaster was minimal. Brendan was happy to catch 2 little perch before they sailed back to the club.

I am finally caught-up enough with coming-home stuff that I actually found myself at loose ends on Sunday morning. I was too tired to go to church & had a nice veg instead (Charlie pointed-out later that I'm allowed the occasional veg... :). It felt weird, & it made me realised that I'm a bit at loose ends. Before we left for Japan I managed to finish a lot of projects, which leaves me facing a creative void right now. It's not a comfortable feeling at all. I've been playing around with the origami books I got in Japan & also making lavender bottles- an old-timey craft in which you take an uneven number of fresh lavender sprigs (with long stems), tie them together right under the flowers, bend the stems down over the flower-portions, & then weave ribbon around the stems to capture the flowers inside. They end-up as lavender sachets when dried. I had given my last ones away in Japan & wanted to make some more but over the past few days, every time I decided I had a few minutes & went to collect some lavender stems, it would start to rain. Really, it became pretty funny. On Friday I finally got to do it, although it did sprinkle on me as I collected the first bunch for weaving. I continued bit by bit on Saturday & Sunday & have a bunch drying now, ready to be gifts in the future :) It's really hard for me, though, when I don't have a project in the works. I've realised over the years that I get the most pleasure out of life when I make things (particularly gifts), so I need to get my act together & start planning.

Sunday afternoon Ck came over so Charlie & I could go to our sailing fleet picnic & it was fun to share pictures from Japan & chat with folks. Charlie & I arrived in our yukata (cotton kimonos) from Kyoto which was pretty funny. Brendan & Ck went out for pizza among other activities & Brendan, of course, had a great time. When Brendan is with Ck, we've noticed that his anxiety is much lower & much better controlled than when he's just at home with us. Charlie & I have been discussing this (& Brendan & I saw his psychologist last week, too, & discussed this phenomenon with him) & we feel as though this is a break-through sign. Brendan is definitely better able to handle anxiety since we've been home from Japan. Perhaps it's because we brainstormed so many new & different ways to deal with it while we were there, & now he has an even bigger repertoire of coping strategies than ever before. Maybe it's just that we were out of our rut & could see the world (including anxiety) in a different way. Brendan definitely still suffers from the anxiety, but it's a lot more predictable. He has trouble leaving the house without a context or specific motivation. If we plan to walk in the morning, or walk to a restaurant for lunch, he can do it. If we decide on the spur of the moment to take a walk after dinner, he can't. he says he needs advance notice, so we're working with him & trying to do just that. At home, he's most susceptible to "fleas" (OCD thoughts) in the morning when he wakes up & in the afternoon, between 4-6:00 (always the "witching hours" for him). Sometimes we can set a ki barrier & he's fine & sometimes he's paralysed by anxiety & literally needs a push (gently :) to get moving or do something distracting. Yesterday he couldn't get rid of them until he was eating dinner & then they were gone like magic. That said, after waking me up a couple mornings ago because of "fleas" (needing my help to cope with them) & then apologising afterward for waking me up, the next morning he told me that he'd had fleas again that morning, but he was able to take care of them himself. This is the biggest change we've seen yet, in dealing with the OCD. He's been able to find strategies to deal with them, with our help, & then much more quickly than ever before, learn to use them on his own. It feels huge. I feel like I'm holding my breath, too, hoping that things will continue in this way. Pretty amazing- & another good reason to go out & see the world :)

Yesterday morning we had our walk after breakfast (it's still been pretty cool here, after last week's horrid hot days) & then had a tough time working on our weekly schedule. Neither of us was motivated... We decided to read together one of the Kamen Rider/GekiRanger magazines that we picked up in Japan & call it japanese practise :) We also decided that it would be a good day to go out for japanese for lunch, since we have both been missing the great food in Japan. We walked to our fave restaurant, just about 10 minutes away on foot, & had a lovely lunch. On the way back home I noticed that it was getting cloudy... by the time we were a block from home it was sprinkling, & we sprinted that last few houses, Brendan giggling like mad because he's faster, & me yelling "choto mate!" ("wait up!" in japanese :). We'd left the japanese magazine on the dining room table & so we decided to spend the afternoon doing one of the projects that came with the magazine- construct the Kamen Rider "Climax Form" belt & cell-phone-shaped activator. Many manga & kid-oriented magazines in Japan come loaded with "omake", free gifts. These are sometimes actual toys & stuff, but also have cleverly designed cardboard pop-outs to construct into working toys. They come with everything but glue or tape- this one came with the bits of velcro, rubber bands, & other odds & ends needed to make the toys. We had a great time working together & the belt can actually be worn (there's a cardboard buckle that attached to the rubber bands on the belt). Brendan, who usually doesn't like craft projects, was very motivated to participate in this one, so it was a lot of fun. We chatted while we worked, on a project we'd started thinking of that morning- making a wall hanging out of the dragon pictures we took in Japan. He likes the idea of printing the photos on inkjet fabric & then piecing them together (choosing a co-ordinating fabric) into a hanging for his room. I got a walking foot for my sewing maching a few months ago & have been wanting to learn to use it. Looks like a good creative project to get me back on track :) Brendan has been wanting to sew again, & since it's all straight seams he can do a lot of it. We'll let you know how we progress :)

Japan Day 15- Kyoto...

Well, we seem to be getting accustomed (body-clock-wise) to being in this part of the world, because we all slept past 6:00 am today :) We went for breakfast at the coffee shop we discovered yesterday, called the "Colorado Cafe" (in Kyoto, Japan- go fig...). We all had the morning special of coffee or tea & lovely thick slices of toast, baked right there. Charlie added a "healthy salad" to his breakfast- it was coleslaw, really. Brendan had his first cafe latte, to mixed reviews (more bitter than cafe au lait :).

After breakfast we went back to the hotel to figure out the day's plan. Along with our Lonely Planet Kyoto guidebook, we are also using 2 books by Diane Durston, one with walking tours of Kyoto (a gift from our friends, the Scotts- thanks guys!) & one called "Old Kyoto", lent to us by our neighbour (thanks Joe!). We decided to make a short trip (3 stops) on the subway to the Gion district, which is the famous geisha territory in Kyoto. At 10:00-ish in the morning we were not likely to run into any geisha, but there were a lot of historical places to see, including some shinto shrines. Brendan was bothered a bit by tics, but setting kekkais helped, & the thought of visiting shrines motivated him quite a bit, too. He says he feels much better, tic-wise, after visiting a shrine (& he certainly copes better for a while). The subway wasn't busy at all & the signs were in english as well, so it wasn't hard to find our way. I had found some shops to look for in the "Old Kyoto" book, which features places that have been run by the same families for generations.

Our first stop was the Tatsumi Shrine, in Gion, a shrine dedicated to the arts. It sits at the top of the triangle of streets that borders the Gion district & is right next to the historic Shimbashi Bridge. It's very lovely & Brendan payed his first respects of the day there.

From there we walked a few blocks to the Yasaka Jinja, which dates from 1660. On the way over we found a shop selling a favourite omiyage from Kyoto, little candies in miniature obento boxes. They are really cute & the candy is really delicious (not the bland kind we get in the US). We got some to take home as gifts & some for us, of course. They also had fans there, not terribly expensive, & Brendan had been wanting a fan that was more japanese (than the Snoopy one we found at the 7-11 in Tokyo). I decided to get one, too, since it was pretty hot & muggy. (We did some damage at the drinks machines, too, due to the heat).

The Yasaka Jinja is a shinto temple- well, really a whole bunch of shrines. It was amazing. Brendan kept hitting us up for coins to put in the boxes (in denominations with 5 in them, for good luck :) so he could ring the bells & pay his respects. He had a wonderful time walking around there finding all sorts of shrines big & small. Charlie & I enjoyed all of the different, beautiful things to see in & on the shrines.

The lanterns were amazing...

And we were excited to see a miko, a shrine maiden, walking around. A very InuYasha touch!

After our visit to Yasaka we wandered back in the direction of the subway station looking for someplace to eat on the way (it was after noon by now). We headed into a couple of places but Brendan backed-out just as quickly because they were too smoky or smelled of fish. We did find one of the places in the "Old Kyoto" book, that sells things made from antique fabrics, so picked up some omiyage there. The owner put 5 yen coins in each gift before wrapping it, for good luck. We also saw 2 women wearing kimono as we walked back to the subway. Not finding a suitable place to eat, we finally decided to take the subway back & go to the convenience store again for bowl noodles & onigiri to take back to the hotel (& get more for dinner). I am enjoying being in Kyoto so much that I no longer feel deprived by not eating out :) Anyway, the onigiri are really good here- I got a little container of japanese pickles, too, & they were delicious. Charlie has discovered inarizushi- pockets of sweetened, fried tofu stuffed with rice- & he loves them, so he got more of those for his lunch.

We spent the afternoon hanging out in our room. Charlie had read about a small garden near the hotel that dates from 700 AD (!) & we thought we'd take a walk over, but Brendan was pretty ticcy in the afternoon, so I decided to stay with him & Charlie walked over to check it out. I have been doing some hand-sewing while we're in Japan, making some of the omiyage bags designed by Kumiko Sudo (from her book by the same name), so I was content to sit & stitch the afternoon away while Brendan alternated between Adventure Quest & tv for distraction from tics. We put on the NHK educational station at 4:30 & watched through dinner. It was a lot of fun- not just Pythagoras Switch, but other nifty shows (some were pretty goofy & gave Brendan serious giggles, which was neat). One even showed how aburage, what inarizushi is made from, is made! After dinner we played Uno together & Charlie planned tomorrow's trip, based on the weather (it looks to be the only non-rainy day for the rest of our visit). We're hoping to go to Uji, just outside of Kyoto, the tea-growing region. Ryokucha wo kaitai!! (I want to buy green tea!).

Back on the roller coaster...

It's been an odd couple of days. Luckily, energies are running high so they've just been odd... :)

Monday afternoon Brendan saw the orthodontist. It's been one year since his initial evaluation, where we learned that he would definitely need braces to correct an upper overbite & lower jaw arch problems. Fortunately, no surgery will be required, just 2 years (give or take) of braces. Even more fortunately, Brendan's pediatric dentist was able to send us to an orthodontist who has experience with autistic kids, & it really shows. At our first visit, last year, Brendan was hyper-chatty & into pretty much everything. The response of everyone who dealt with him was to be charmed by his obvious intelligence & interest in the proceedings. The orthodontist spoke directly to him when it came time to tell us the results of the exam, & the whole place is really relaxed & quiet. When we explained Brendan's oral-motor issues & voiced our concerns about loose appliances we were assured that they could do the work without his ever having to wear a removable device. Very good news. Since Brendan's 12-year molars hadn't fully erupted yet they couldn't begin the treatment last year, so they told us to come back this March. The thought of Brendan being done with braces before he even enters high school is very exciting to us parental units :)

Brendan was psyched to go back to the orthodontist this past Monday. He really liked the people there & remembered the doctor's name :) He was just as hyper & chatty & they were just as relaxed about it. After the exam we were told that Brendan was ready for braces. Whoo hoo! :) (Later in the day I asked him why he's so excited about getting braces & he said that it "was something new" & that it "would be a challenge"...) While we were there we consulted the doctor about Brendan's reporting another loose tooth, even though we'd thought he was finished with losing teeth. I was very nervous because Brendan is extremely aggressive with loose teeth & I could envision him working away at a permanent tooth... It turned out that this was, indeed, his last primary tooth to come out (we'd miscounted) & Brendan was told that it could take up to 2 months to come out, at it's present stage of looseness. This guy doesn't know Brendan, though... The good news was that it won't affect the schedule of getting braces. So, we got the list of suggested payment options (of course ) & I made 3 more appointments while they took Brendan upstairs for xrays & impressions of his teeth. He bounced off after the technician chatting away. I was a bit worried about the impressions bit, since I've had this done & it can be unpleasant (I felt like the goop was going to run down my throat) but Brendan came bouncing back about 20 minutes later, all excited about the possible uses (other than dentistry) for the alginate (the goop's real name...). He's thinking that encasing fleeing miscreants in the stuff would be the "havaheart" trap version of catching criminals.

We're all going back (dad, too) next Wednesday for the pre-treatment meeting, & they'll also insert spacers to get him ready for the bands. They will also repeat the do's & don'ts & explain how he'll have to clean & floss (he already flosses) with the braces on. The biggest issue I can see is that gum will be forbidden. (When I told Cherie, his consultant teacher, about this yesterday morning she kind of gasped.) Brendan gets significant deep pressure feedback from chewing gum, plus it seems to prevent him from putting other, less appropriate, things in his mouth. Sigh. He had been using a chewy tube a couple of years ago while watching tv at home (never at school) but then stopped abruptly & I never really found out why. I brought it up a few weeks ago, when I found him chewing on a lego, but he said he wouldn't use it. I brought it up again yesterday afternoon, since the gum ban is starting to sink in, & he was more interested in the idea of a chewy tube then. So I looked at them on the Integrations site & found a couple different kinds that Brendan thought he'd like to try. One kind acts as a kind of pencil-topper, which I thought would go over better at school, & it even has little terry-cloth covers to catch saliva & give a different sensory experience (Brendan liked the idea). He'd also been telling me how it would be cool if they were flavoured, but the closest I found was scented ones (chocolate & the like) so he said he'd try them, too.

The other impetus for getting chewies back in our lives was the end of Brendan's schoolday yesterday... He had called me around 1:00 all excited because he'd lost the loose tooth (remember? The one that was supposed to take 2 months to fall out...?). When I got there I was surprised to see that he was sitting away from the rest of the class (around the corner but still within earshot), who were having music & seemed upset. His music teacher came over & explained that Brendan had been asked to remove himself from class for spitting on another kid. I was rather taken aback because Brendan has never had much trouble with spitting before. Brendan was really upset with himself & just this side of meltdown, so my priority was to get him home & then try to sort things out. His teacher said that things were ok, he understood that Brendan hadn't meant to disrupt things, but Brendan was not able to forgive himself for his lack of judgement. (The teacher has since asked to meet with me tomorrow afternoon, which was kind of funny because I had told Cherie just this morning that we need to sit down with him & explain more in depth what's going on with Brendan...) I barely got Brendan out of the building without a meltdown, he was so upset. He didn't calm down at all in the car & was on the kitchen floor in meltdown mode when his nose brushed my sleeve & we both made a run for the tissues, since he'd snotted my sweater & his face has gotten smeared. Before we knew it we were laughing uproariously at this & he was fine. Once he was in a better place I decided to try to sort things out piece by piece, so I first asked him why he was spitting... I guess there were a couple of issues, one being that he had a paperclip in his mouth (!) & had to spit it out. Another was there was a bad taste in his mouth (from the paperclip perhaps?), & then finally it became a tic & he felt he had to spit. I explained to Brendan why people freak out when "spit happens" (spread of disease) & explained that, if he feels the need to spit, he should excuse himself & find a sink. I asked him to imagine spit=sink, so that it would become an automatic reaction over time. Brendan told me that he thought the kid who'd accidentally gotten the spit-out paper clip on his shoe was over-reacting & when I checked this out with Cherie this morning she agreed that this was a good possibility. Then we tackled the paper clip in his mouth... I asked him to imagine getting a paper clip stuck in his braces. He made a face & decided that it would be bad, & then I told him I'd find him some chewy things to use instead of paper clips & the like. The last thing I tried to address was his over-reaction to the whole thing. We talked about how embarrassing it can be to be called out of class, & also that we know that he's not going to remember appropriate behaviour all the time, but that he needs to cut himself some slack & allow himself room to make mistakes & learn from them.

Last evening, when Charlie & I talked about it all, we decided that his lapse in good judgement & over-reaction was very likely due to the decreased dose of seroquel. Sigh. We've seen small signs over the past couple of days that he's just not coping very well with life. Episodes of screaming because the tics won't let him alone (literally) & his not being able to do things like lego because it's not diverting enough & the OCD starts freaking him out. So we decided to resume the 50 mg twice daily (we had reduced his evening dose to 25 mg 2 weeks ago). It looks as though he's just going to have to outgrow the seroquel. From what we've been told, as Brendan grows & matures, he'll be able to take more cognitive control of the OCD (& he already has), plus the Tourettes may back-off as well. The main thing is that he have "a life" & not spend large amounts of time terrified or paralysed because of the OCD & be able to do the things he likes & wants to do.

Charlie usually takes Brendan to school on Wednesday mornings & either goes to work (just for the morning) or does errands & comes home. Today I accompanied them so that I could get Cherie up to speed on yesterday's music class doings... She was surprised & distressed when I told her what had happened, because they (the teachers) had been meeting right across the hall, & Brendan's classroom teacher, Jen, kept going out to see if everything was going ok. It all must have occurred right at the end of class. I told Cherie how we'd decided to handle the spitting & all about the chewy tubes, & she told me that one of Brendan's school friends had just started using a chewy tube at school, which was a great relief. I also mentioned that we're going to have to do more with deep pressure, & we both realised that we're having trouble getting him to accept it when he's really upset. I had used it to stave-off a meltdown over the weekend, when Brendan was just starting to get agitated, & Cherie had had a similar experience last week in gym class, but he won't let us do it when he's in meltdown mode. I mentioned that I'm thinking of making him a "shoulder pal" - a weighted object that he coulld wear over his shoulders at school to give him more consistent sensory feedback. I mentioned it to Brendan (I had seen one in the OT catalogue) & we talked about making it look like one of his pokemon, then he could wear it & have it be kind of fun. He said he might wear something like that at school... Cherie & I brainstormed some, too- she said that if there was a beanbag component (like the head or the tail) he might like it because she's seen him play with beanbags. I was thinking that making it out of fleece might make it fun to touch & pet, too. The main thing is to make him want to wear it... I will definitely have him help me sew it when the time comes. He's been bugging me to do another sewing project, so I'll bet knowing he's made the shoulder thingy himself will make him want to wear it :) Stay tuned...

Incentives- the continuing saga...

This morning, as he took his boxer shorts out of the dresser, Brendan surprised me with a hug & a kiss :) The reason was that I had finally tie-dyed 3 pair of his new white boxers & he was quietly, but obviously, pleased. I have been making Brendan's boxers since he was in kindergarten, partly because he preferred to wear boxers & I couldn't find them in his size, partly because I made most of his clothes back then, anyway, & partly because he was so skinny that he regularly crawled out of his trousers & didn't notice. If he was wearing boxers made from fun fabrics the kids were more likely to say, "Wow, neon cats!" than laugh at him... About a year ago I made the final batch (size XL) from the KwikSew pattern for boys' boxers & went looking for a men's-sized pattern that was as easy to make. I finally found one, but what I had trouble finding, when it became obvious a few weeks ago that Brendan was outgrowing the last batch, was the time to make new ones. Charlie encouraged me to find some store-bought ones, since Brendan's no longer too teeny to find them easily, so I checked out the Dharma Trading Company site, where you can get plain white clothing (for dyeing, etc) inexpensively, & found some boxers that would fit Brendan. But, of course, fit isn't the only issue... When the boxers arrived Brendan unfortunately got a look at the packaging, which featured a guy wearing only boxers of course, & it triggered an OCD thought & tic. So for the first few weeks every time he put them on he had to go through an elabourate de-ticcing ritual. I asked if dyeing them would help & he said it would... then he waffled & wasn't sure. It was getting easier for him to put them on, but he's always loved jazzy boxers, so I decided to tie-dye a few anyway. When I asked him which colours would be ok to use (becase there are OCD thoughts attached to certain colours) he said blue would be ok. So, I tied 3 pair & got them soaking in the soad-ash solution that makes the dyes stick (I use Procion dyes because they're really bright & long-lasting). Then I discovered that I had about half an inch of turquoise dye left in the bottle & no other blues at all. So Friday after school we went out to the art store & I had Brendan pick out 3 more blues. Saturday morning I made the dye solutions & did the dyeing, & by Sunday afternoon they were rinsed & washed. He liked them when I showed them to him, but wasn't effusive, hence my surprise when he kissed me this morning upon opening his undies drawer :) Sooo... I am finding that dyeing just 3 pairs wasn't enough & am looking around for more stuff to dye (oooh- I just got Charlie some new boxers, too.... evil laugh).

Charlie didn't have to work Saturday morning so it was one of those unplanned-but-busy-anyway mornings. While I was dyeing boxers Charlie & Brendan made brownies from scratch (we have a great recipe that uses whole wheat flour as the base)- a double batch with some for us & some for church. Our congregation belongs to an interfaith hospitality network that hosts homeless families for a week, 4 times a year. During that week volunteers make the meals & stay overnight with the guests. The families move from church to church & during the weekdays they attend programmes designed to help them get jobs & housing of their own. It's the only local programme that allows families to stay together (usually men go to a men's shelter & women & children go to a women's shelter) & it has a high success rate. So, half the brownies were going for dinner at church for our guests. Charlie dropped them off after our japanese lesson.

We hadn't had a lesson for a couple of weeks because Tomoko was interviewing in 3 different states for doctoral programmes, since she's graduating with her masters in family therapy & counselling in May. We'd really missed her & spent some time catching up (she had some stories about her travels, since this is not the time of year to be flying in or our of the northeastern US...). She also told us that her sister has made reservations, for the weekend we'll be staying with her family in Japan, at not only an Onsen (hot springs resort) but at a traditional Ryokan as well. It's a very traditional place with a fireplace in the middle of the room & sounds way cool. I've seen pictures, & the thought of actually staying at one is mind-boggling. We also talked about the daily rhythms we've found are best for Brendan when we travel. We usually do anything exciting in the morning, when energy is high, & eat out, then have a quiet afternoon at our hotel (or where-ever). Tomoko said she'd let her family know about this. It looks like the afternoons will be spent in the car, over the weekend, which should be just fine since Brendan travels well & sitting in the car would qualify as down-time. We always travel with the laptop (& plug-in power converter) so he can play games or watch a movie. Brendan was getting kind of antsy as we chatted about all these things, so I was giving him some deep pressure on his arms while we talked. He got right to the lesson, though, when we began. It turns out that March 3rd (3-3) was Hinamatsuri, which is the girls' doll festival. So our lesson was a conversation between InuYasha & friends, with the women explaining the festival to him, then everybody going out to a restaurant for special food. I learned the very useful term "okosamaranchi" which mean's "kid's lunch" (the "ranchi" part is how the word "lunch" sounds in japanese) & Tomoko included the kanji for this term so that I'll recognise it when we see it on menus in Japan. We also talked about how to ask them to "hold the meat" when we order one... a must for our veggie kid (he has memorised the phrase which means "I am vegetarian" :).

In the afternoon we watched (& giggled through) the rest of the Kim Possibles I'd downloaded on Friday. Paula came to dinner - we'd been hoping her son Ck would be home from college on break, too, but his flight was cancelled due to bad weather, so we enjoyed Paula's company & are hoping to see him some time this week.

Sunday Charlie & Brendan stayed home from church because the Sunday School classes can't meet in their classrooms on the weeks that we have guests sleeping in the church ('cause that's where they sleep!) & so they all do an activity together (except my Sr. High kids, whose room is only used if there are a lot of guests). Brendan doesn't cope well with this sort of change in schedule, so we've decided to give him the day off. I not only had Sunday School but a music committee meeting after church (I'm the committee chairperson) so I went to church. It was odd to be there without my guys, but it was fun & we got a lot of work done at the meeting. When I got home, around 2:00 pm. Brendan had a school friend over & Charlie was vetting them through their play time together. Friend is also on the spectrum & Charlie has determined that he & Brendan do much better together if they have a schedule. When he mentioned a schedule to the boys, friend piped-up "Yes, I do much better when I have a schedule." which made us grin when Charlie told me about it later. And they did :) They started out playing a 3-way game of war (the card game), which friend won, then the boys moved on to half an hour of Dragon Fable (Brendan's newest Adventure Quest-type game), then settled down to watch "The Incredibles". There was an intemission with brownies ala mode, & after the movie there was time to show friend the sock-puppet easter egg we'd found on disc 2 (it's the whole movie acted out by sock puppets- it's a hoot!). After friend left Brendan played more Dragon Fable & then helped Charlie make burritos for dinner. Charlie told me later in the evening that Brendan told him, when he realised that the weekend was nearly over, that "There will be another weekend soon.", which was the first time he's actually taken a positive philisophical approach to the impending school week.

During dinner Brendan asked me how he was doing with the swearing part of his behavioural charting. During the school break week we had decided to separate out the swearing component (because he wasn't earning anything ever, it was such a problem, so his appropriate behaviours weren't being rewarded) & make it into a separate category with a separate incentive. He had found some supplemental pokemon card packs at the grocery store, so we decided to use them as the first incentive for the swearing chart. When we set up the guidelines for this chart we established which words were considered swear words & I asked Brendan to choose how many days he has to refrain from swearing before he earns the first incentive, & he thought 5 days would be fair. (This means 5 days cumulatively, not in a row...) By yesterday he had earned 4 stickers, but it had taken him 11 days to get this far, partly, I think, because he'd forgotten all about the incentive & partly because when it started he was not as "het up" about pokemon cards as he's been in the past. I reminded him some time last week about the incentive for the swearing chart, & wouldn't you know, he got all excited about pokemon cards again... He earned the last 4 stickers all in a row, he was so motivated. He & dad started playing pokemon card games again over the weekend, to much excitement about customising the decks with cards he's acquired over the past few months. Last night, right before he went to sleep. Brendan asked if he'd earned the final sticker & I told him he had. He then asked if he could open them up before school (in the past he's had to wait until after school because there's no time before). I told him that if he got dressed & ate breakfast quickly, then he could open the cards.

This morning, he was dressed wayyyy before I was, so I suggested that he go downstairs & start getting his breakfast. When I came down he annouced that he was having "bread with butter, & milk". He had cut himself a slice of bread (& done a great job of it- Charlie's been working with him on using the bread knife) (ps: I make most of our bread in the bread machine, hence the need to slice it), buttered it & poured his milk. I put his medicine in the little bowl & then went to put laundry in. He was finishing up as I got my own breakfast, & he wasn't frantic or anything, just moving along at a nice pace. He brushed his teeth & finally got the cards out & opened the packs. I heard lots of ooohing & ahhing (there were 4 "rare" cards & other ones he's been wanting- a real haul :) as he opened them. Then he took them upstairs & played with his legos until it was time to go to school.

I feel as though we had the benefit of 2 different incentive systems going this morning- the timer system for getting dressed, which has given him the ability to make the most of his time in the morning, & then the pokemon cards in exchange for being mindful of his language, which will eventually become a habit that is it's own reward. We've got the next incentive lined-up, too. It's a cute little penguin pokemon plushie from the new "Diamond & Pearl" series & Brendan is just itching to take off the tags & make it his own... :)

Relaxation works... :)

Wednesday was a busy day, but satisfying. Charlie took Brendan to see his psychiatrist first thing. It's been working out pretty well to have Charlie do the psychiatrist visits, with this "new" one (our 3rd in as many years) at least. One thing they discussed was the next phase in our continuing attempt to get Brendan off the seroquel. I've been reading good things online about the use of melatonin to help with sleep. Brendan's evening dose of seroquel is pretty much only necessary because the zoloft wires him up too much to fall asleep, so Charlie discussed the possibility of eventually substituting melatonin for the seroquel, & the doctor gave us the green light to try. So, we've halved his evening dose (from 50 mg. to 25 mg.) & have purchased 3 mg. melatonin capsules (vegetarian ones) to use if necessary. The past couple of nights Brendan has fallen asleep just fine (maybe taking 5 minutes longer than usual) to our nightly dose of Rachel Carson's "The Sea Around Us". We explained the melatonin to Brendan advance, & he's on board with the project- he said they learned about it at school, & anything that he sees as "natural" seems ok by him. Another cool thing that happened at the psychiatrist... Brendan had been refusing to even consider summer camp for this summer, mostly because of anxiety about meeting new people (for Mindstorms camp) & some already-established OCD triggers at the computer camp he's attended for the past 2 years. When Charlie mentioned this to the psychiatrist, Brendan said that he'd figured-out a way to go back to computer camp, in other words, ways to overcome the triggers. Wow! Not only were the psychiatrist, Charlie, & I amazed (& parental units relieved), but Brendan's psychologist, whom we saw later in the day, was impressed as well.

After the doctor visit, they went off for a haircut, since the long-ish, unruly hair Brendan had been cultivating for his mad scientist role in the class play were no longer necesary :) There is an ice cream parlour attached to the salon, so the main incentive for haircuts is to bring home some ice cream, which they did. What was I doing while they were off & about, you may ask...? I have been desperate to make a duvet cover for our new comforter that has been obnoxiously shedding sheep guard hairs (the coarser hairs in the coats of sheep that are not bred for yarn-quality wool) for the past few months. I had planned-out the project a few weeks ago by raiding my fabric stash & came up with enough fabric to do the job tastefully (hooray for stashes!). Wednesday is bedclothes-washing day, so it was a natural to try to get the duvet made, since all the bedding would be clean & free of hairs... I had designed it all & the fabrics were in a heap on the floor, so I had to cut them out (measuring twice first, of course, since this is true for sewing as well as woodworking :) & then patchwork the 2 sides. I had found enough asian-type fabrics for one side & batik fabrics for the other, so reversing it makes gives a totally different "look". I was able to get the patchwork sewn before lunch- hooray!

Brendan requested that we go to the local diner for lunch. Hmmm... it was a bit puzzling because the last time we went he barely ate anything (well, except for the fries...). Brendan has a disconnect (not unique to him, I have it too) when it comes to how he thinks something will be & how it actually turns out. He loves fries & particularly the ones at the diner. He prefers to go there & get them, rather than do take-out. Unfortunately, when he gets to the diner he starts feeling surrounded by "dead animals" (meat) & freaks out. Just about everything veggie on the menu could have meat added to it, & the very proximity of the word "chicken" was enough to make him veer away from that food choice. Sigh. He wouldn't order just fries & a milkshake because that wasn't a "healthy meal" (although we practically begged him to). So, he settled for nachos, too, but was in tears by the time we'd ordered, so just after fishing a lactaid tablet out of my purse (for his milkshake) I pointedly asked him questions about one of the characters in his new, AQ-based story. That worked beautifully, & he pulled his head out of Charlie's armpit & enthusiastically told us about this baddie- an interesting combo of Vader & Naraku. As advertised, he barely touched the nachos, but Charlie & I ate them along with our grilled-cheese sandwiches & we all enjoyed our meal. Afterward we gently talked to him about what was so difficult about the diner that day, & he told us about being surrounded by dead animals... & we talked about choosing different place to eat where he wouldn't be so bothered... (but what about the fries!?!).

I was able to work on the duvet cover some more after lunch, until Cherie arrived to stay with Brendan while we went to visit his psychologist. He was so psyched to see her & she was happy to see him, too :) On the way to the appointment Charlie & I went over what we wanted to talk about. My main issues were Brendan's difficulty at the end of the schoolday, screaming obscenities in the stairwell & banging his head on walls, lockers, & windows, & my other main concern was the increasing incidences of Brendan pushing my buttons to the point where I lose my temper. Charlie wanted to check out some techniques for helping desensitise Brendan to some of his OCD triggers that had been mentioned to him by a friend who is a retired child psychologist. One of the best parts of visiting Dr. M, aside from the great advice, is that we almost always come out with a sense that we're doing our best for Brendan, that our creativity is appreciated & doing good things, even when it seems as though we go backward sometimes. One of the messages we got at this appointment is that, as Brendan gets older, he's not going to respond as well to our efforts to help him behaviourally, but will respond to other adults & peers. I guess it's a developmental thing... (& also part of the button-pushing issue). Dr. M has been very impressed with Brendan's response to his OT's work with him to help with relaxation & ways to respond to anxiety, so he suggested asking her to help Brendan come up with strategies for dealing with the end of the day at school. He thought that some of the things we've been doing, like taking a different route & trying to divert his head-bangs into me instead of the wall, were good, but was also interested to know if Brendan behaves the same way when Charlie gets him (on Wednesdays) as he does every other day with me. Since the past few Wednesdays have been snow days we couldn't tell him, but he said that if he does behave differently, it's a good way to help him see that there are alternatives to his end-of day de-stressing behaviour & choose to do things differently. As usual, we came out of the appointment with new ideas & a sense that Dr. M is not only a skilled child psychologist, but genuinely likes our kid (that really helps, too :).

Brendan & Cherie had had a great time while we were gone. She told us how much fun it is to spend time with him when he's relaxed at home, since she sees a different side of him at school. I was able to work on the divet cover right up to dinner & after, & actually managed to finish it before bedtime!!

Here's the "asian" side:

Here's the batik side:

And here are the fun buttons (also from the stash) that close it at the bottom:


Yesterday we started out at the grocery store, which is not one of Brendan's favourite places because of the noise, confusion, & OCD triggers (such as meat). Sometimes we speak japanese though the whole trip, which distracts him, & he always is on the lookout for one special thing he can get, which also helps with anxiety. This time, he decided to cope by pulling his watch cap down over his eyes, hanging on tightly to the cart or me, & pretending he was blind. It was a hoot. He chattered about what he was "sensing" without his eyes & enjoyed the dizzy feeling of turning corners without looking. He did very well & it was one of our best shopping trips to date :) While we were there he mentioned that he's been feeling really good about life lately, & when I asked him why that was so, he said that being home from school & able to relax & do what he wants was helping. And also that he was glad that dad & I are alive... I mentioned his comments at dinner so Charlie could hear them, too. It was very heartening, & consistent with the Brendan I've been with all week. He is relaxed & much less ticcy, with things only getting uncomfortable for him late in the day, as it has been since he was a toddler...

The rest of the day was really relaxed. He played AQ, we read from "Eldest" to each other, we watched some Pee Wee. Very nice & mellow. I had been internally reflecting on our visit with Dr. M & over lunch proposed to Brendan that we start a new charting system just to cover the language issue... Brendan has been swearing a lot lately, & all attempts to make him aware of it & to take some control have not been very successful. He's been having a terrible time earning numbers for his regular behavioural charting because of it & it's been kind of demoralising to all of us, since Brendan's not feeling successful, & he's also not getting positive feedback for the other things he's doing well, So we agreed upon a new system where he earns something else (some Pokemon supplemental packs) if he gets stickers for 5 days (his idea) without swearing, & then language won't affect his regular charting. Charlie liked this idea, when we told him about it, so we're set to go... & no, he didn't get his sticker yesterday, but he didi get his number :)